When a favour isn't actually a favour...

[Loopylala7]

When you have a routine, then someone steps in and 'kindly' offers to help, only the help is more of a hindrance, but the person is so adamant they are being helpful, you are almost forced to take up the offer...

liquid I like your style. Has your DH realised what you do yet? Sending flowers and a thank you card for an hour of childcare that you didn't need is utterly ridiculous! Your DH needs to get a grip as far as his parents are concerned.

If she won't agree then he needs to take half the dates she can't do with hisA/L. It's all very well telling you not to use the nursery but if it leaves you with no annual leave for things you want to do, like a family holiday then it shouldn't be his decision that is final.

Reminds me of a child helping to carry the shopping. Big bag, 10kg, child starts helping and hangs on the handle. Bag now 20kg and I have to be grateful for the help.

It's easy when the helper is under 5, just give them the all important job of pressing the buttons on crossings etc. No idea to handle these kind of favour with grown ups.

It doesn't matter that him taking AL is "more difficult" he must take at least half the pre-planned days. He partly created this problem and he is not worth more than you are, if neither of you are prepared to tell his mum no then you need to share the pain of it.

I agree with PP, you need to insist your DH takes at least half of the planned A/L days. Make sure it is his problem too.

We had parental help when DC1 was little. DC2 did an extra day in nursery instead! DH was more insistent on that than I was, probably because the extra load of getting DC to GPs fell more on him than me.

The thing is, 2 or more children in nursery are really expensive and it is worth sucking up using a bit of A/L to save £90 or whatever a week, week in week out. But there is only so much of that you can do before it's just unsustainable and you need another solution. And it is completely unfair, and significantly less sustainable, if all the A/L taking falls to you.

I would go further, you say DH wouldn't agree to the nursery. You had childcare, gave it up, he refuses to get it re-instated, he needs to take care of ALL of the days your MIL can't do, you take no A/L for this at all unless it is on a day you would have taken it anyway. Alternatively, back to nursery it is.

I do agree with reni2. Though he didn't ceate the problem, he has perpetuated it, so it is his responsibility to solve it. Keep your A/L for when you need it.