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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think MH stigma is embedded in our language

90 replies

AliceScarlett · 03/10/2015 22:20

I use the word "crazy" too much. I wouldn't call anyone else crazy, but I do use it when describing weird behaviour.

I notice words like "unhinged", " psycho", "schizo" being used for people who are either ill or eccentric and it all bothers me. I'm bothered.

When describing or labeling someone I don't want to say "they sound like they have MH issues" because I don't know if they do and its pathologising. But I don't want to say "they sound crazy" because I think thats offensive.

I've started to say "thats absurd" which feels alright. Maybe I should stop labeling people all together and that's the answer. (I'm talking about doing it in my head or with DH, i don't go around calling people names).

Really don't know.

Disclaimer: Yes I care about being PC, yes I think it's important.

This post is a bit scrambled, I'm tired.

OP posts:

Original poster

AliceScarlett · 03/10/2015 23:24

Agreed, OCD is waaaay over used.

OP posts:

capsium · 03/10/2015 23:25

What's wrong with 'Sorry I was wrong.'?

Do you need an excuse?

manicinsomniac · 03/10/2015 23:26

Language is tricky, isn't it!

Why do you hate the term 'personality disorder' out of interest? Do you not think they are real things? I've had that fight with myself often too. I don't really like the idea that my personality has to be defined as 'disordered' - I don't see why I can't just be an unstable bitch naturally!

AgentZigzag · 03/10/2015 23:27

You're not overthinking it OP, it's no different to words using like spaz, spacker or cripple.

It's not OK to connect people who are behaving like an arse to a derogatory description of people with MH probs, there's a tendency for shit to stick.

There's a general fear of MH probs anyway (for good reason tbf) but there's no reason to keep up the name calling on a public forum when posters know it's going to upset some people (what people do in private is their own business).

Unless the people doing it are dismissing anyone who objects as nutters/loons/bonkers and therefore not worthy of any consideration?

manicinsomniac · 03/10/2015 23:29

capsium - was that question for me? If so then, it depends. If I just want to apologise for something then yeah, sorry I was wrong will do fine. If I want some more support or understanding then I suppose I do feel I need to use the excuse. But I would only do that with a very close friend who already knew what I have and would talk it through/talk me down from whatever is going on.

Original poster

AliceScarlett · 03/10/2015 23:32

I just hate the way personality disorder appears to suggest that your personality, who you fundamentally are is intrinsically disordered

OP posts:

manicinsomniac · 03/10/2015 23:35

fair enough, I can understand that and do feel like that sometimes - that I can't ever be normal or good enough because there's even something wrong about who I actually am.

But, most of the time, I find it a relief to be able to give all the craziness and fucked-up ness a name and an explanation. Though, on the flip side, there is also the tendency to use it as an excuse and a way out.

MummySparkle · 03/10/2015 23:37

I'm not sure I like 'that was completely [insert diagnosis] of me' but then I refuse to be defined by my diagnosis.

I do have borderline personality disorder. I would generally go 'I'm sorry, I'm really struggling today' most of the people that I spend time around know that I struggle with MH things, and actually if I'm having a bad time then I tend to let people know in advance. My close colleagues and my partner are good at picking up on when I don't feel well and helping me with things. Whether it's giving me a comprehensive to do list (work) or letting me take some time out to collect my thoughts (work)

capsium · 03/10/2015 23:50

It wasn't specifically to you manic.

It was more of a comment to say that everyone makes mistakes, for all sorts of reasons, but they still aren't done on purpose - a mistake is a mistake.

I understand that there may be a need felt to explain the difficultly of the situation but the explanation should not really be needed. If a person has apologised they have expressed regret for what they have done wrong, which suggests they would not have done it if they found it easy to behave in the right way/ do the right thing. The fact the mistake was made suggests a struggle of some sort.

manicinsomniac · 03/10/2015 23:51

I'm not sure I like 'that was completely [insert diagnosis] of me' but then I refuse to be defined by my diagnosis.

Yes, exactly. That's why I favour words like mental or psycho because they are indefinite, vague and usually used to describe a behaviour rather than a diagnosis. They seem unimportant and not serious.

I can see why 'I'm really struggling today' is better and it sounds like you have a great support network. I don't have that as I am single/incapable of forming lasting relationships and would probably lose my job if colleagues/employers knew my diagnoses. Only 2 very close friends know.

manicinsomniac · 03/10/2015 23:53

Actually, that's a really helpful way to look at things. Thank you.

AgentZigzag · 03/10/2015 23:53

Manic, are you using those words to describe how you feel just because there aren't any other ways of easily describing 'feeling fucked up mental'?

Maybe it's OK for people with MH probs to describe how they feel however the fuck they want, it's not them who are causing the connections over descriptions of deliberately shitty behaviour?

Or is saying you're mental/psycho just backing up the labels and doubling the times they're used/seen as legit?

SaucyJack · 03/10/2015 23:58

"I just hate the way personality disorder appears to suggest that your personality, who you fundamentally are is intrinsically disordered"

But that's exactly what it does mean in clinical terms. Do you have a PD? I do, and I don't find it insulting to call a spade a spade any more than it would be insulting to call someone blind or deaf.

Language around PDs only becomes pejorative when people cannot accept that's it's a genuine disorder and not a choice IMO.

capsium · 04/10/2015 00:00

Agent I'm unsure if any 'shitty behaviour' is truly deliberate and I try not to regard it as such. I find it more disturbing to consider 'shitty behaviour' as deliberate, than not - for my own piece of mind, if not anything else.

lemonade30 · 04/10/2015 00:03

Oh my personality isn't orderly?

I'm sorry but I can think of worse insults...

nameinlights · 04/10/2015 00:07

Yanbu op. Totally agree.

lemonade30 · 04/10/2015 00:08

Narcissistic gets bandied around a fair bit....

I may make it de riguer to exclaim 'oh how histrionic of you ' or 'just how bloody borderline can you get?' When its necessarily called for from now on.

AgentZigzag · 04/10/2015 00:09

There are plenty of times people are spiteful and deliberately do things manic, to get one over on someone else, prove a point, or just because they're on the wind up/enjoy the drama.

Shit like that doesn't happen accidently or because they've got no control over what they're doing.

You see it on MIL threads all the time, then the posters saying 'OMG she's a fucking nutter! avoid like the plague'.

MummySparkle · 04/10/2015 00:12

I hate having a personality disorder. My personality is who I am, how dare somebody say that it is disorder or wrong. But then again, sometimes I behave in a way that is different to most. Things that seem normal to me, a lot of people would find them strange or even upsetting and vice versa. If I ever hear anyone again say 'you're so borderline' to people (this was common at my school to describe anybody whose mood was a bit erratic that day) I would go ape shit at them!

manic I do feel very lucky that I have a support network around me. I used to be single, unemployed and alone and that definitely didn't help. I work in a school with a student-facing role and my work have been fantastically supportive. They know that I am good at my job, and have agreed to be flexible about my working hours so that I can take a mental health day when I need to. I was very worried to open up to them, but I got to a situation where I decided it would be best if I did and they have just been so great. Is there one person who you could open up to a little bit. It took a lot of courage for me to open up, but now I have I am so glad I did

capsium · 04/10/2015 00:12

When I was small I remember thinking that of course I am selfish because I only truly know life as me....

Perceptive really. I also wouldn't join the Brownies because I truthfully decided I could not promise never to tell a lie..

manicinsomniac · 04/10/2015 00:13

Agent - I don't know, maybe both? Mental is just short hand for mentally disturbed isn't it. So it shouldn't be insulting to say that - it's what it is. So, if it does double the amount of labelling that goes on - does it matter? If we use the same words for a feeling as for a mental disorder does it not just put mental health on a spectrum and normalise it into something that everyone feels occasionally and some people 'suffer' from regularly or constantly. I think I feel better about seeing things that way. More 'normal' whatever that is.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 04/10/2015 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummySparkle · 04/10/2015 00:18

You don't have to promise not to lie when you join brownies capsicum. Just that you will 'do your best'

manicinsomniac · 04/10/2015 00:20

Mummysparkle - wow, that's incredible (about your work, I mean). I'm a teacher too and no, no way could I tell anybody without serious consequences. I think many are probably aware of some other stuff (I have anorexia, which is semi obvious if you know what you're looking for - but not provable in that I'm too thin but not omg, you're dying kind of too thin!) but I have to come across as fully and normally functioning. I think it helps me to have to do that at work, tbh. If I got license to fall apart I probably would! I am open with 2 friends outside of work.

capsium · 04/10/2015 00:23

Mummy Oh my friend showed me the book she got from Brownies, with the promises on it, in the 70s. Our local Brownies did have to promise always to tell the truth, I specifically remember feeling indignant about it!

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