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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was unreasonable and I am sorry

78 replies

ShitHotAwesome · 02/10/2015 16:42

Went into a café yesterday with the DCs as DS needed the toilet. We frequent the place fairly often and they are happy to let us use the loo - they have a buzzer behind the counter to open the door to the toilets.

We got there and could see through the window that there was a woman in the toilets so knocked on the door but she ignored us. "pah" thought I, and went to ask the counter people to buzz us in. DCs knocked and peered in the window but the woman obviously felt that letting us in would be out of order which pissed me off 'cause, well, FFS we just want to use the toilet and all she had to do was reach her arm out and who the f* made her the guardian of the loo.
So, when we were duly buzzed in by the staff, I said a pointed "thanks" to the woman. Which I shouldn't have. If I had to say something (and I should have let it lie, I know), I could have said something a bit less unpleasant.
It turned into a bit of a row - she kicked off on one and I remained calm and just said that the kinder thing to do would have been to just let us in but she shouted and called me a bitch (which was over-reaction on her part, I feel)

Anyway, it was all a bit nasty and I am the one who inflamed it and I am sorry that my kids saw the angry lady (I told them after that I should not have said "thanks" in that way) and so on so I am giving an open apology to that woman as she must have been having a crap day or something to blow up like that.

Aaaand...that's off my chest!

OP posts:
Thelushinthepub · 02/10/2015 16:48

I don't even get it- you could see through the window there was a woman in the loo and she should've let you in- wasn't she in the middle of peeing? Isn't it a bit weird to have loos with windows big enough to see people moving round in? Why should she have let in you rather than the staff?

And where was she/ what were you doing when you said thanks?

SouthWesterlyWinds · 02/10/2015 16:51

My impression is that there was a glazed internal door to an office/storage space with the toilet leading off that space again. Is that right OP?

abbieanders · 02/10/2015 16:51

You were the angry lady you didn't want your kids to see in this scenario, right?

Just explain that mammies sometimes get cross but you'll try to keep a grip on yourself in the future.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 02/10/2015 16:56

Well done for telling your kids you shouldn't have said that. I think it's helpful for them to see that adults make mistakes too and own up to them.

DoJo · 02/10/2015 17:14

Am I right in thinking that she was just another customer of this cafe who didn't let you (a non-customer at the time, albeit a regular one normally) into the loo? Because if that is the case, then I don't think there is any need to assume that she was having a bad day - she didn't let you in because whether or not you are allowed in there is nothing to do with her, and she chose to leave it up to the cafe owners/staff to decide whether or not to let you in, which seems perfectly reasonable.

DonkeyOaty · 02/10/2015 17:19

Next time use a public convenience

Janeymoo50 · 02/10/2015 17:25

So you should be! (enough said).

Sparklingbrook · 02/10/2015 17:41

I don't understand the toilet situation. Do they let anyone use it?

catfordbetty · 02/10/2015 17:45

I too have no idea what happened.

usual · 02/10/2015 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MTGlass · 02/10/2015 17:50

Can Anyone translate?

Slammerkins · 02/10/2015 17:50

What a weird toilet system. On the inside you can see the truly desperate jigging about but you are not allowed to let them in?

Sparklingbrook · 02/10/2015 17:52

I have never been to a cafe that had a door to the toilets with a buzzer or indeed a glass door.

usual · 02/10/2015 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Topseyt · 02/10/2015 17:52

Totally confusing post.

Another woman was in the toilet and you wanted into it?

Not saying that she was right to call you a bitch because she wasn't, but why should she have let you in when she was there first?

Also, a loo with a glass door across the front is certainly an unusual arrangement.

Clear as mud.

usual · 02/10/2015 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slammerkins · 02/10/2015 17:55

You knew the Roolz though, so why did you go to the toilet door first? If there hadn't been anyone there you would have had to go to the counter anyway.

NerrSnerr · 02/10/2015 18:01

Ok. What an odd way to get into the toilets. Why didn't you just go to the counter to ask them to buzz you in?

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 02/10/2015 18:05

How on earth did such a non-thing 'kick off on one'? I'm amazed that using a loo can cause a row that ends up with one grown woman yelling 'bitch' at another.

StarlingMurmuration · 02/10/2015 18:06

I've seen this abroad actually - the staff give you a code to use on the keypad to get into the (customer) toilets. In theory so that it's only customers who use them.

Yellowbird54321 · 02/10/2015 18:07

I just wouldn't frequent a cafe where you have to be 'buzzed in' to the loo!

Owllady · 02/10/2015 18:07

It's like a weird toilet dream
There you are on the loo and everyone is watching you. This woman her kids are looking at you on the loo. Weird loo dream

velourvoyageur · 02/10/2015 18:08

I don't want to be nasty OP but you don't really sound like you think you were in the wrong. It's like you want to vent and avoid being told off. Maybe I'm reading it all wrong though.

Spartans · 02/10/2015 18:09

Why would you say 'thanks' in that way.

Either say nothing or say aomething in a grown up manner to address your 'upset'. People who do the shitty 'thanks' usually do it because they think people won't challenge them and they get away with venting without dealin with the fall out from it.

Very passive agressive and snotty. She shouldn't have called you a bitch, but if you didn't want an argument why start it.

ConfusedInBath · 02/10/2015 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.