to think that his DB should gift him a small amount from his large inheritance

[Muckogy]

My colleague is not doing well financially. His brother and DW received a large inheritance of over £110,000 (from her side of the family). they were well off already. my colleague was telling me about it and was delighted for them. i said little but thought it was a bit mean that he didn't receive even a small sum from his DB. my colleague had to give a 3rd of his godfather's inheritance to his 2 DBs when he was younger. any thoughts?

Nothing to do with you is my thought.

I'm confused. This is a colleague, yes? How is it any of your business?

its absolutely none of my business - i agree. just curious for thoughts.

I don't see why he should expect to receive anything from his sister-in-laws family. Why were you even discussing this and why do you even care? Is this a pretend post, are you really talking about a 'colleague/friend' or is it really you?

How do you know they didn't?

I think YABU. It would be completely different if it were family from his DBs side, but not his DWs.

my colleague had to give a 3rd of his godfather's inheritance to his 2 DBs when he was younger.

Why?

no - this is not a pretend post. and its not me either.

I would struggle to feel so involved in a work colleague's private affairs to be honest.

kslatts i don't know.

Your colleague should not have been forced to give away part of his own inheritance to his own brothers. I'm not sure why that happened or how he feels about it, but this now is a separate issue.

This inheritance doesn't belong to your colleagues brother, it belongs to his brothers wife, it came from her side of the family, and she should not be forced to give away part of her inheritance to her husband's brothers (because if she gives to one she will be expected to give to the other) if she doesn't want to.

It may be a kind thing if she chooses to give some of the money to her brothers in law, but it should be her choice.

But it's not really your business and if your colleague is happy for them then he sounds like a kind and generous man who is rich in the ways that really matter.

I always think it's best not to let money muddy the waters.

If my DH were to inherit money from his side of the family, why would he give any of it to my sister?

People who inherit money should be left to do what they want with it. If, say, my mother was leaning on me to share some inherited money with my sister, I could a) share a bit, or b) tell her to sod off. I'd choose b

No, it's come from his wife's family. If my mum died and left me some money I wouldn't be giving any to my sil ( who I do like by the way)

Yanbu.

Family's help each other out in my book.

Given that the inheritance is from the wife's side of the family, she may not even choose to share it with her DH, let alone DH's brother.

You never know really - could be that family relations are poor, that one person's perception of the other being "well off" is out of kilter, issues with money management or many other things.

At some level (without any more info), I feel like it's the wife's money and there isn't any obligation for her to share it 'round, even if she is/they are well off.

I've just received an inheritance from my Granny, I fail to see why I would give any of it to my husbands two brothers. She was my granny, I think my bils met her maybe six times - wedding, christenings. Its not a big amount but even if it was I still don't see why it would even occur to anyone that it should be shared.

The money is from his SIL's family, not DB's family.

Presumably SIL didn't benefit from the colleague's godfather's inheritance? In any case, would the colleague have shared that inheritance money if he hadn't been forced to do so?

No your coleagues DB shouldn't have to give any of his inheritance to him. It has come from his DBs wife's family so nothing to do with your coleagues.

I've inherited and shared with dh but I'm not giving it to his db - he didn't even know the person who gave it to me. Why should anyone give anyone money just because they have it?

It isn't your colleague's DB's money to share!

It is his wife's inheritance. Also you have no idea what their plans are for it. Just because they appear "well off" doesn't mean they don't have a huge mortgage they want to reduce or a mountain of debt they want to pay off. Many people live a "wealthy" lifestyle on the plastic.

Had it been your colleague's brother who'd received an inheritance (thereby meaning that his parents had left everything to one child instead of sharing it), then you may have a had a point. I say may because you still wouldn't know what the reasons for doing that might have been.

And he's your colleague. Comments don't really need to go any further than "oh, did they? Oh dear."

Well presumably it's her money as it's come from her side of the family. I would find it extremely odd if I inherited some money, and my DH asked me to bail out his brother! (Unless I had millions). £110,000 is a very good sum of money, but it's not like it's going to leave lots lying in a bank account doing nothing - many people have mortgages that size or bigger, if they have children they may be saving for uni costs etc.

YABU. You don't know the backstory. It could be that they have children and they want to pay for future education, or they are planning children, or they want to pay off some mortgage or some loans, or she has family members that she wants to help, or family members who would expect help if they saw her giving her BIL a lump sum etc

It sounds like a lot of money, but its likely that this is the only lump sum they ever get and they will have to invest it wisely.

If the DW wishes to help him, then great, but she is in no way obliged to.