to tell my husband he is being "fucking silly"?

[Oakmaiden]

Because I did. And now he is stroppy because I was rude to him. But he was being fucking silly - and actually saying that was a lot milder than what I wanted to say.

Oh. You want context. Really? You can't just all agree with me?

We are overdrawn. Hooray. 3 days after payday. Which is unsurprising since I have been out of work for 3 months, and it is only just starting to pick up now. Dh never checks the accounts, but since I have worked out we have £90 to last until next Friday (not counting bills, which are all covered - this is food and spending money) I thought I had better let him know. In case he decides to buy himself something. So I let him know. I also said that it was not going to be a problem, because we have food in the house and as long as we aren't extravagant then we have money to get enough to last us.

I hate having to discuss money with him, though. Because he always overreacts. So he keeps texting me saying "he feels sick thinking about it" etc. And then the corker "Maybe I should just stop eating".

I bloody hate the way he has to overreact about these things and turn everything into a bloody drama. Maye I should just stop eating. I measn, ffs, that is supposed to be helpful?

I think saying "Don't be fucking silly" was quite mild, actually.

I now await your agreement. I am only posting so you can all vindicate my point of view. Obviously.

Baby - I wish I lived on a sum even like that. Supply teachers where I live earn £75 a day. But obviously only the days we are offered work, so you can't just multiply that by whatever to get a yearly sum. It is not a huge sum, but it is an acceptable wage. My husband earns more than me, but not enough to pay higher rate tax. So we are not big big earners. But we do have a lot more than many, for which I am very grateful.

Well earlier in the thread you were saying that you encouraged him to go to Wales and take the lower paid job. So you've contradicted yourself. Again. Personally I call BS on the whole thread. I'm going to hide it and not waste any more time with it. Hope wasting everyone's time brightened up a few of what I suspect are many dull hours for you OP.

Sorry, that seems pissy after your last post, I've just returned to the thread to see school fees and windfalls.

No I didn't. He made the decision. I then supported him in it. Because it was better than the no wages coming in, and he wanted to do it. So I told him I didn't mind less money and it would be fine. Just like when he lost his job I didn't fuss and make life anxious for him. I told him not to worry, something would come up and it would all be OK. And repeated that for 2 years. Until the job in Wales came up.

What would you have done? Said "Well, no, you can't take the job, it isn't enough money?"

You are, frankly, just looking for things to criticise. It is dull.

Death - don't need to cry for me. I have not complained at all. I think we are OK. Which is rather the point.

Oh - just saw you were hiding the thread. I am very grateful - thank you.

No, I was joking, I had been saying yesterday you seem to have things in hand and your dh is being dramatic and that your children are fine. And then I stopped before someone accused me of being a sock puppet.

Thank you then :)

I actually tried really hard to phrase my op in such a way as to make it clear that the situation was not grave - and that I was being fairly flippant

You need to work on your writing skills then. The tone wasn't obvious, nor was the implied detail.

because we have food in the house and as long as we aren't extravagant then we have money to get enough to last us

Do you really not get how extending this sentence to include salient details like "last us...until we get a predicted share payout next Friday (whatever)" would have more accurately informed the posters who responded?

Rather ironic that you wish:

I am only posting so you can all vindicate my point of view

...well, it would have almost certainly come completely true had you actually given a full story.

To be fair op, given the full details yanbu in that he was being an over dramatic arse

I've read the first couple of pages of this thread again and a couple of posters had jumped to the 'hand to mouth' conclusion when absolutely nothing in the OP's first few posts gave that impression and nor did the OP say it, they fit what OP said to their own agenda/circumstances. Once they had done that then she was never going to be in the right no matter what she said.

Th vast majority of the posters on the first two page read and understood the OP and responded in the spirit of the thread.

But actually, while we do live rather "hand to mouth", we have a lot more than most.

Direct quote from the OP's second post.

The fact that they have "more than most" isnt much of a comfort when you have disordered finances. You could have millions coming in "in a couple of weeks" but if you only have £90 now and are safe in the knowledge that once the millions have been spaffed, will be there again, it can feel very worrying and insecure.

But, that said, saying "oh I will just stop eating then" is very childish and OTT. Far better would have been "I really hate it when our finances get like this, can we try and sort things out so it doesnt happen again please?"

He is happy to let the OP deal with finances, knowing she is far more "easy come, easy go" than him, yet get like this when things go wrong. If he wants things to be "safer" then he does need to get himself involved in the day to day running of their money.

Booyaka, where do you get all this stuff about OP being "happy living in lalaland where unexpected expenses never occur and you never need back up for a rainy day but he's not." Did you not see the bit in the third paragraph of the first post where it was noted that her DH never checks the accounts whilst she does? Ignoring the accounts is hardly the normal conduct of a man who is worried about unexpected expenses and a rainy day. It does rather feel like you're constructing a whole scenario to fit your opinions rather than basing them on the facts as presented.

As for saying she didn't make it clear that the situation is temporary, she correctly pointed out that it is the nature of supply work that it's slow at the beginning of the autumn term but then picks up. A friend of mine does it, and happily waits for the time towards the end of September when the teachers begin to succumb to the germ soup around them and she is so busy she is getting at least three calls for jobs every day.

Hilarious that people get fantastically over-invested in a thread, post l-o-n-g posts based on their own wild assumptions and a desperation to find something to beat the OP up about, and then complain that their time has been wasted. I do rather get a sense that that complaint has nothing to do with feeling that time has been wasted and everything to do with frustration that OP hasn't risen to the bait.

"Rather ironic that you wish:

I am only posting so you can all vindicate my point of view"

Did you really not get that that comment showed that the OP was in a lighthearted frame? Really? Dead giveaway to me, at least. And some others, obviously.

YANBU, and I like the way you think about things. Refreshing.

"when you give a little bit of information on Mumsnet people join the dots to make all sorts of pictures."

^This

"Dripfeedtastic"

How fucking rude.

None of the OP's financial situation is relevant to the OP.

Her DH was being silly whether they had no money coming in at all or were just about to inherit millions.

OP don't rise to it!

In my experience of living with 4 men over the years if there are money problems they are hopelessly incapable of addressing the issue. They overspend at the supermarket and just bury their head in the sand.

Relationships aren't worth the hassle IMO I am happier on my own with ds. At least I CONTROL the spending and balance the books admirably well.

Not ALL men are like that though - my Dad has always been the financially capable one out of my parents, my Mum the spendthrift.

Regardless of their long term financial situation, his comment was of the arsey, passive aggressive type, designed to irritate the OP. I can see why she would be annoyed, given that he does nothing to manage the finances. Seems to me that OP has generally been supportive of him and him sniping at her is really not helpful. I get that he is the kind of person who feels uneasy in this sort of situation but I would have been tempted to say 'good idea'. Can't be doing with that sort of melodramatic shit!

So essentially, if you've got a million pounds and a spaceship arriving in four days, then he's being really fucking silly.

:)

Not sure if this is helpful but relationships are such hard work I am so much happier on my own. These type of threads bring it all back!

Good luck in your situation op.