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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH smoking in 'his' car.

54 replies

Teaguzzler · 30/09/2015 22:29

So DH and I have 2 cars. One is my car in the week but also the family car and the other is mostly his. He is a smoker and has always smoked in his car pre DC.

Now we have 2 DC I have asked him not to smoke in the car as we have a spare carseat for youngest DC which lives in his car.

On one occasion where we all needed to travel in his car I noticed it smelt of smoke (only very slightly) and there were bits of ash in the car. He admitted he had smoked in the car and agreed not to from now on.

Tonight it has transpired he is still smoking in his estate car and thinks it's ok as he has put the carseat in the boot with a canvas cover over it.

I am fuming as he needs to take our youngest daughter out on Saturday. I am pissed off as he has agreed not to but also because I don't want the DC travelling in a car which smells of smoke. I know it's rare for them to be in his car but I really don't think it's too much to ask that he smokes before he gets in or after he gets out!

I am an ex smoker myself so completely understand the 'need' for a fag but AIBU about this?

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 30/09/2015 22:31

YABU and over the top. What do you think is going to happen to them just because the car smells a bit of smoke? You're fuming? Really?

Samcro · 30/09/2015 22:33

yabu

RB68 · 30/09/2015 22:33

yanbu you asked him not to and he agreed and then went ahead anyway

RB68 · 30/09/2015 22:34

whether smoking is good or bad is a side issue here

Original poster
Teaguzzler · 30/09/2015 22:35

I really am! I'm pissed off because he has agreed then done the opposite and because I don't want my kids smelling of smoke.

OP posts:
JustWantToBeDorisAgain · 30/09/2015 22:37

Yanbu although I suspect each posters individual stance on smoking will make this interesting.

For me if the car smells of smoke that is what the child is breathing in, in addition to the loss of trust.

DoJo · 30/09/2015 22:59

YANBU - if he really wanted to continue smoking in his car then he shouldn't have agreed not to. Whether or not it is reasonable to ask him not to smoke in there shouldn't be the issue - pretending that he agrees with you and then going back on his word is though.

IceCreamBandit · 30/09/2015 23:01

I think you need to get a grip. I'd be more worried about exhaust fumes than a bit of smoke smell. And I'm not a fan of people smoking.

Scarydinosaurs · 30/09/2015 23:03

YANBU- as an ex smoker

sproketmx · 30/09/2015 23:22

Yabu. As long as he's not smoking when they're in the car I don't see a problem with it. You said yourself this care is rarely used for family transport. Just skoosh some fabreeze on the seats and roof a bit the night before it gets used

BlueJug · 30/09/2015 23:44

YABU - you can't control everything he does. What if he told you to stop drinking/ your coffee habit/ eating sugar in their presence etc etc.

Driving is riskier than smoking near a car seat.

goawayalready · 30/09/2015 23:47

smoking while driving is dangerous yanbu

Tiggeryoubastard · 30/09/2015 23:49

You knew he was a filthy smoker when you had kids with him. Bit late now. I don't know how you could even go near him but you've made that choice. He's made his.

RealityCheque · 01/10/2015 00:22

smoking while driving is dangerous yanbu

Is it fuck.

steff13 · 01/10/2015 00:31

smoking while driving is dangerous yanbu

OP hasn't said he smokes with the kids IN the car. If he wants to take that risk when he's on his own, I guess that's his prerogative.

Sighing · 01/10/2015 04:51

YANBU. I used to smoke, managed not to in the car (which I shared) out of an awareness of how unpleasant it is to sit in the smell of stale smoke and ash.
If you need a cigarette then surely you're to distracted / anxious to be driving? Time to pull over and have a break.

Senpai · 01/10/2015 05:00

I wouldn't be happy if my baby seat smelled like cigarette smoke. Even if it's not smoke, those are still toxic chemicals on the seat. Not that it will kill her, but it could make her sick.

My mother has asthma and is allergic to cigarette smoke. It doesn't have to be in smoke form to trigger it, it just has to be on something.

So it's not harmless once it's gone out the window.

That said, is it really so hard to just stand outside the car and smoke at a rest stop or petrol station?

swimmerforlife · 01/10/2015 05:05

YANBU as it is unpleasant for the children and he already had a prior agreement.

But, if your DH is a smoker your dc will already have came into contact of second hand smoking as cigarette smoke gets everywhere on clothes, furniture etc, so I don't see how smoking in the car makes much difference tbh.

GloGirl · 01/10/2015 05:55

Yabu, smoking whilst driving is lovely and he's obviously doing a good job at minimising the impact.

If it was the family car I'd understand your point but it's a rarity. He shouldn't have lied to you about it but do you think that you would have accepted him saying "I'm going to do it even if you don't like it?"

I'm an ex smoker

HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/10/2015 05:57

Pretty sure smoking in a car is much safer than smoking st a petrol station....

winterland · 01/10/2015 06:12

A bit of febreeze or canvas cover isn't going to stop the smell permeating the seat. And the babys clothes would then smell too. YANBU. Plus you made an agreement and he ignored it. I'd not be happy. As an ex-smoker.

Rainuntilseptember15 · 01/10/2015 06:26

Smokers will do what they want when they want to and find ways to hide what they don't want you to know about. I live with one and that has been my experience.
How can smoking while driving not be dangerous? Maybe not as bad ad being on a phone, but neither your full attention nor your two hands are on the wheel at all times.

Rainuntilseptember15 · 01/10/2015 06:26

Smokers will do what they want when they want to and find ways to hide what they don't want you to know about. I live with one and that has been my experience.
How can smoking while driving not be dangerous? Maybe not as bad ad being on a phone, but neither your full attention nor your two hands are on the wheel at all times.

gingerdad · 01/10/2015 06:30

As of today 1 October 2015 it is illegal to smoke in a car with children.

gingerdad · 01/10/2015 06:31

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34402622

In England and Wales.