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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH smoking in 'his' car.

54 replies

Teaguzzler · 30/09/2015 22:29

So DH and I have 2 cars. One is my car in the week but also the family car and the other is mostly his. He is a smoker and has always smoked in his car pre DC.

Now we have 2 DC I have asked him not to smoke in the car as we have a spare carseat for youngest DC which lives in his car.

On one occasion where we all needed to travel in his car I noticed it smelt of smoke (only very slightly) and there were bits of ash in the car. He admitted he had smoked in the car and agreed not to from now on.

Tonight it has transpired he is still smoking in his estate car and thinks it's ok as he has put the carseat in the boot with a canvas cover over it.

I am fuming as he needs to take our youngest daughter out on Saturday. I am pissed off as he has agreed not to but also because I don't want the DC travelling in a car which smells of smoke. I know it's rare for them to be in his car but I really don't think it's too much to ask that he smokes before he gets in or after he gets out!

I am an ex smoker myself so completely understand the 'need' for a fag but AIBU about this?

OP posts:
FishWithABicycle · 01/10/2015 06:50

A lot of the toxins from smoke will cling to fabric and be released back into the air many hours later. Really if you want to protect children from the health effects of second hand smoke you shouldn't smoke in any car which is ever used to transport children. Yanbu op.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven · 01/10/2015 06:56

Yanbu. It stinks and the chemicals cling. It transfers from fabric to fabric. I've smelled it off my jacket after sitting in a colleagues car seat even though he didn't smoke while I was in there. Maybe just use your car to transport kids so he can stink out his own to his hearts content? If you can bear it you take his reek mobile on those days?

BalloonSlayer · 01/10/2015 06:56

YABU as you said you are fuming. What if your fumes get into the car seat !!!

Oysterbabe · 01/10/2015 06:56

Yanbu. I wouldn't let my child in a car in which someone smokes, especially not sat in a smelly, smoky car seat.
But lol @ the suggestion of smoking at the petrol station.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 01/10/2015 06:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pklme · 01/10/2015 07:12

Its an estate car mermaid, yes it will. And the toxins do hang around and can cause illness.
Foster carers are not allowed to transport children under 7(?) in a car that has been smoked in.

Paintedhandprints · 01/10/2015 07:27

Yanbu, however there would surely be as much if not more toxins on your lying dh's clothes than in this rarely used car seat. Can you store the car seat elsewhere, since your dh cannot be trusted to keep his word? (I couldn't have married a stinky smoker).

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/10/2015 07:34

I would not allow my kids to ride in that car nor use the car seat until covers bad been washed.

redshoeblueshoe · 01/10/2015 07:54

Why don't you the spare car seat in the family car ?

Groovee · 01/10/2015 08:06

Will he be smoking in the car when his children are in the car?

InimitableJeeves · 01/10/2015 08:21

You are perfectly entitled to say you don't want your children and their clothes smelling of stale smoke, and they certainly will. However, your problem is that your DH's clothes and hair must also be impregnated with smoke, so they are going to get it one them anyway unless he never has any close contact with them. He really needs to pack it in altogether.

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 01/10/2015 08:44

What Jeeves said - surely your DH should be doing everything he can to stop smoking altogether? Does he come straight in from the fume-filled car & hug the DCs?

coconutpie · 01/10/2015 08:49

YANBU. Toxic chemicals will have clung to that car seat and your DC will be breathing that crap in. I would've been fuming too.

coconutpie · 01/10/2015 08:50

To add - he needs to just give up the smoking.

BojackHorseman · 01/10/2015 08:55

It's his choice as to whether he smokes or not, as long as he's not doing it around the kids what's the problem?

mileend2bermondsey · 01/10/2015 09:24

YABU, it's not like he is smoking with the DC in the car. The are bigger carcinogenics to worry about in every day life than old smoke smell in fabric.

Also to the posters saying it's unsafe to smoke and drive/you cant have 2 hands on the wheel, how so? The hand you use to hold a cigarette can still be used to do other things like turn the wheel/change gears ect.

AyeAmarok · 01/10/2015 13:30

Because smoking is a distraction Mile, that's why.

If you run someone down and you were smoking at the time they you may find your sentence for careless driving is bumped up slightly as an aggravating factor, as it's an entirely avoidable distraction.

OP, YANBU.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 01/10/2015 13:32

yabu

5Foot5 · 01/10/2015 13:38

Because smoking is a distraction Mile, that's why.

How is it any more of a distraction than listening to the radio, talking to your front seat passenger, remonstrating with squabbling children or sneezing?

BanjoPier · 01/10/2015 13:43

Also to the posters saying it's unsafe to smoke and drive/you cant have 2 hands on the wheel, how so? The hand you use to hold a cigarette can still be used to do other things like turn the wheel/change gears ect.

My aunt suffered life changing facial injuries in the early 1980's when the driver of the car in which she was a passenger dropped a cigarette she was smoking whilst driving and instinctively took her hands off the wheel and looked down to flick the cigarette off her lap. The car crashed and the rest is history. My beautiful 25 year old aunt had half of her face sliced off and reattached leaving hideous scaring which she still has 35 years later.

So no I don't agree that smoking whilst driving isn't a distraction.

wasonthelist · 01/10/2015 13:55

A lot of the toxins from smoke will cling to fabric and be released back into the air many hours later. Is this actually true?

Only I may have to stop going to my Mum's house if it is - or certainly stop DD from ever going there again.

lardyscouse · 01/10/2015 13:57

[ I don't want my kids smelling of smoke.]

Hang on, MY kids, they are both your children.

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs · 01/10/2015 17:29

But no parents would want their kids smelling of smoke, would they?

Drew64 · 01/10/2015 17:51

How long is he in the car for?
My commute is sometimes well over an hour, I'm not allowed to smoke at work so used to get my nicotine fix on the way to work in my car, the family car.
If we were all going out in it, it would be aired, cleaned and deodorised and not smoked in while it was being used as a family car.

So, I guess it depends.
YABU if he has a long commute
YANBU because you've asked and agreed with him not to smoke in the car
YABU to ask him not to smoke in his car

FWIW...smoking is NOT dangerous while driving. There are many more distractions that are far more dangerous than smoking;
Radio
Sat nav
Noisy Children

Thefuckinggrinch · 01/10/2015 17:57

YANBU for expecting him to keep his word.

Two points to note though. The first is that it is now illegal to smoke in a car with children in it.

Secondly if he is a smoker then as mentioned by a pp tbh your kids will already smell of smoke regardless. A family member of mine smokes, always outside, never near the kids. Every kid still stinks of smoke constantly. I can notice it on them when they come into my non smoking household. It just gets everywhere in your house, on your clothes, on your furniture. It clings to the smoker and just spreads through the house. I notice it less at their house tbh but really notice it when I smell the kids coats for instance outside of that environment. You can really notice the contrast.