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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be unhappy with this school trip?

487 replies

IWannaHoldYourHand · 30/09/2015 22:29

Ds2 is in reception and has come home with a letter advising us of a school trip to a farm in December. The cost is a reasonable amount for the farm that will be visited, however the main focus of the visit is having lunch with Santa, and receiving a gift.

It is the visiting Santa that I feel odd about. I see this as a very family based event, and not something I would expect to do with anybody else, or without his sibling. We wouldn't even refer to him as Santa at home, and it just feels strange to me.

I have spoken to the head who informed me that this will be backing up their learning for that term, and advised that I have the option of attending, but it still feels wrong to me. So is this normal, do schools regularly take a trip to visit Father Christmas?

OP posts:

pictish · 02/10/2015 07:26

That's a shame Bobo because I'm sure being able to establish a rapport with the school and its staff would only aid you in your endeavours to show them how its done.
Still...you know best. Apparently.

Mehitabel6 · 02/10/2015 07:36

As a teacher I will go the extra mile for pleasant and sensible parents- the rude and bonkers will get the bare minimum. ( an inward groaning as I see them coming).

BoboChic · 02/10/2015 07:37

Teachers have no power to enact change. Being respected by management is where it's at

pictish · 02/10/2015 07:39

Lol.

Shutthatdoor · 02/10/2015 07:43

Teachers have no power to enact change. Being respected by management is where it's at

Or management telling you what you want to hear to get rid of you and actually implementing non of it which they probably do with Bobo

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 02/10/2015 07:44

Teachers are human, they work best in pleasant classrooms with supportive parents, after all you both want whats best for the children. It sounds like you suck up to the head and she placates you. A good teacher wants all the children to make progress and do their best. It sounds like you think only the cream succeeds and hang those who struggle, whether thats due to academic, social or emotional reasons.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 02/10/2015 07:45

Shutthatdoor

ilovesooty · 02/10/2015 07:45

If BoboChic were in the UK and dealing with staff who had some degree of autonomy and competence she might find it beneficial to adjust her attitude.
Thankfully she's miles away from the UK state system.

Goingtobeawesome · 02/10/2015 07:50

Your opinion sounds like you begrudge your child having a fun day out full stop never mind without you. If other people feel the same it could be cancelled so you're now making other people's children miss out. For some kids this might be their only chance of a trip like this. Why would you want that?

Mehitabel6 · 02/10/2015 08:00

How little BoBo understands! More bonkers than I thought if she thinks teachers have no power to enact change. They are the ones in the classroom- not management.
A good Head supports their staff- and make a good job of it.

Mehitabel6 · 02/10/2015 08:02

I suggest BoBo stays away from UK system- I think she might be forced to home educate once she realised it doesn't work the way she imagines.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 02/10/2015 08:06

why on earth do you think parents care if teaching staff like them? I don't give a tiny weeny piece of as to whether teachers like me! Obviously there are some Iike (and I wish I liked them all) but I am totally indifferent as to their feelings for me* yes well that's blantently obvious!
You do realise it's probably YOU that's damaging your children's edication not the school with its curriculum?!
Children thrive when parents and teachers are singing off the same song sheet backing each other up, supporting the child to learn. Not calling teachers morons or suggesting they have lower iqs than the pupils themselves. That's how children feel content.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 02/10/2015 08:09

I think it is very naive to imagine that parents need to be liked by their DC's teachers to ensure the best education for their DC.

From years of being on MN it is clear that demanding parents do very well for their DC. Squeaky gates and all that...

Mehitabel6 · 02/10/2015 08:15

Odd how we read it- it is quite clear to me from MN that they don't. ( backed up by 40yrs as a teacher).
Generally the difficult parent removes their child if they don't get their own way- and then (surprise, surprise) find they get the same problems at the new school and fail to see they are causing them!

hairbrushbedhair · 02/10/2015 08:19

If bobos child is so clever with a higher IQ than the teacher and all that jazz, why does she need the curriculum reformed to benefit them? Why not just allow them to sail through school getting the best grades?

Or is it a case where the child gets labelled bored rather than simply plain naughty for not engaging in the activities ?

SheGotAllDaMoves · 02/10/2015 08:28

mehit demanding people generally get what they want in life.

It is a very British and very female view that it's better not to make a fuss. That being nice and doing The Right Thing will get the deserved result.

But that's not how life works. Surely no one thinks it does?

carabos · 02/10/2015 08:34

Looks like this just about sums up the exchange of opinions on this thread...

hairbrushbedhair · 02/10/2015 08:35

is a very British and very female view that it's better not to make a fuss. That being nice and doing The Right Thing will get the deserved result.

I disagree, in general if you attack someone people go on the defensive and defend whatever idea you disagree with

It works much better to give praise then slip in constructive criticism and make it sound like your just pulling out a good idea from them

BoboChic · 02/10/2015 08:36

I prefer the word "tenacious" to "demanding"

BoboChic · 02/10/2015 08:38

I'm actually quite interested in finding out whether the people I am trying to negotiate with are capable of defending the indefensible. It's a quick and dirty way of assessing their intelligence.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 02/10/2015 08:40

hairbrush sometimes one can get what one wants by flattery/quiet introduction of desires, sometimes it is simply better to ask outright for what one wants...that doesn't need to be an attack (although sometimes it does).

But being a people pleaser, being afraid to be seen as 'that parent' is rarely useful (though it is how most people operate - and then spend their lives whinging).

Mehitabel6 · 02/10/2015 08:53

No - demanding people don't get it. I do because I am polite and reasonable and it always works in the end.
I don't give into demanding people. If they want anything they have to be reasonable or I won't even listen.

What generally happens is that people remove their children if the school won't give in to ridiculous demands.

Example- the child who started with DS ( lovely boy with the handicap of an impossible mother)
She fell out with yr 2 teacher and Head backed the teacher (as so she should!)
Child moved to school the mother went to as a child ( a wonderful school according to her- not like the 'pits' he had been in).
All was well until she fell out with 'the wonderful school' in year 4 and moved to a 'delightful' (I quote her words) village school. She then fell out with the teacher at the start of year 6 - I saw the letter as I was teaching there at the time- it caused much hilarity in the staff room as it was written to belittle the staff.
She then moved the child back to the first school and he was in with my son again!!
Poor child was a lovely boy- liked by everyone. They all felt so sorry for the problems he had with a mother like that.
I could give many more examples but not got the time.

SirChenjin · 02/10/2015 08:54

You might prefer tenacious - but that really doesn't describe you. Deluded is more appropriate.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 02/10/2015 08:55

So mehit you won't give air time to perfectly reasonable requests by parents unless you like their 'tone'?

Mehitabel6 · 02/10/2015 08:56

Tenacious is fine- I am tenacious but you can be polite, reasonable and tenacious.
If you have bonkers ideas you won't get your way.
OP can stop her child going- she can't stop the trip.

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