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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think being a paedophile isn't a crime?

999 replies

KissingFish · 30/09/2015 11:04

I see posts from people both on here and other places (Facebook) about how paedophiles should all be killed and confusing the terms paedophile and child molester / child abuser.

They're not the same thing and honestly I don't think being a paedophile is a crime. It is a sexual orientation that nobody chooses to be born with. The same way people are born straight or gay.

Just because someone is a paedophile it doesn't mean they have acted on it and so it doesn't mean they are a child molester.

Surely if we all accepted that paedophilia is a sexual orientation we could help these people before they commit a crime. Before they act on it. I bet there are a LOT more paedophiles out there than we know about. They just don't act on it because they know it's wrong to act on it.

I am of course not saying being sexually attracted to children is a good thing or that it should ever be OK to act on it. No way. Just that I don't think people choose to be a paedophile and it must be pretty scary to realise you are attracted to children. Much the same way it used to be about being gay. And I don't imagine you can just ask friends, family or many people actually for help and advice.

I think in order to deal with a problem you need to understand it first.

I am willing to be convinced otherwise though if anyone has a good argument?

Disclaimer: I am not a paedophile, I just don't believe they are all evil.

OP posts:
hairbrushbedhair · 30/09/2015 11:45

Sorry if this has been said already as I haven't RTFT

The difference between homosexuality and paedophiles is that one is a sexual orientation for a mutual consensual romantic and sexual relationship and one is a sexual orientation towards what can never be consensual because a child will never have the maturity to be an equal romantically or sexually in the relationship

I don't think it's a crime however when someone recognises they are one I think it should be classed a serious mental health issue that needs treatment in much the same way that homicidal or suicidal thoughts can happen to someone who suffering PND for example.

I don't believe it's something that can't be changed, something's gone wrong with they're mental health to experience attraction sexually to children

SoupDragon · 30/09/2015 11:45

The age of consent across the world seems to range from 12 -21.

What is an illegal heterosexual preference for young children in one country is not illegal in another.

Mermaidhair · 30/09/2015 11:45

I'm sorry but I don't believe paediphillia is a real sexual orientation. We are going into dangerous territory there. It should not be compared to being gay, straight, bi etc.

sleeponeday · 30/09/2015 11:46

This kind of post is designed to make us feel sorry for paedophiles. Instead of recognising that our natural disgust is what we should be feeling.

I do feel very sorry indeed for paedophiles who never act on their desires. It must be horrific - akin to having an urge to knife a random stranger on the street if they wear glasses, or something. That doesn't mean I don't feel utter repulsion for the urge. I have small kids. I know exactly how common abuse is, and I also know there is actually not that much you can do to prevent it, because it's usually trusted people who abuse. It's especially scary as one of mine is on the spectrum, hugely innocent and trusting and with very little social antennae, and can't easily articulate a problem if he is being bullied or is unhappy - we often don't know until things are very bad for him, he acts out accordingly, and we start to dig. He's exactly the sort of child most likely to be victimised, in fact. I scares me a lot.

I think more support and less hatred for non-offending paedophiles who want to engage with services to help them remain non-offending would cut abuse rates. Surely we all want that?

KevinAndMe · 30/09/2015 11:47

I think the reality is that until we see a drastic reduction of rapes (about 1/3 of women have been raped in htr UK, is that right?), therefore showing that self control when it comes to sex is actually very low, then talking about making paedophily just 'a sexual inclination' would a vey dangerous business.

I am VERY glad that people who have these feeling have a feeling of shame that stops them from talking about it and doing anything about it.
I would hope that the idea of raping ANYONE (Man, woman, child) would carry a similar feeling of shame.
The good thing is that having sex with children is NEVER acceptable so at least, there isn't any time when it could be see as OK, or times when our society will finally be more tolerant and accept that 'sexual inclination'. It could easily be seen as that though.

cleaty · 30/09/2015 11:48

SoupDragon - Since many MNers wouldn't leave a 12 year old child alone in the house all day, why should be they okay with a a 12 year old having sex with a 20 year old?

And it is irrelavant what happens in other countries. In some countries 5 year olds sleep alone on the street. Doesn't mean it is okay.

WorraLiberty · 30/09/2015 11:48

Any man who is sexually attracted to children will be looking at children in a sexual way. That is child abuse. So a paedophile.

No it isn't.

I could look at a dog in an angry way, but it wouldn't make me an animal abuser.

Waltermittythesequel · 30/09/2015 11:48

cowbag interesting post.

Is it defined as a psychiatric disease?

I have to admit, I'm much more comfortable thinking of it that way as opposed to an orientation!

I suppose that's because it's sufficiently 'other' for me. Which I'm sure doesn't reflect very well on me.

CorbynsTopButton · 30/09/2015 11:50

Cleaty. Don't, whatever you do, think about a hedgehog. DON'T. If you do, it's wrong.

How are you getting on?

Did you think about any hedgehogs?

Maryz · 30/09/2015 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theycallmemellowjello · 30/09/2015 11:52

I don't think that anyone is really arguing here, it's just that the description 'sexual orientation' has muddied the water. I think paedophilia is a mental illness/disorder or symptom of one and as such should be treated, not criminalised if not acted upon. But that does not mean that we should 'all accept that paedophilia is a sexual orientation' (to use the OP's words) - in fact we need to do more research as to causes and treatments of the phenomenon, rather than just assume (with no evidence, and in fact with the link between being abused and abusing suggesting otherwise) that it is the same as any other orientation.

Catsize · 30/09/2015 11:52

Those of you saying it is a sexual orientation, how do you explain that many paedophiles have active and healthy sexual relationships with adults? It is very dangerous to call it a sexual orientation. Same with sexual interest in animals, inanimate objects etc.
I do agree it is not well understood.
I speak as someone who works with paedophiles.

SoupDragon · 30/09/2015 11:53

And it is irrelavant what happens in other countries.

Of course its relevant. What is an underage child? In Senegal it is anyone under 21 so many UK residents would be considered paedophiles by their standards. Clearly we are more depraved than those in Senegal.

My point is that the actual age is a manufactured constraint. Provided you are abiding by the laws of the country you are in then you are not committing a crime.

In some countries 5 year olds sleep alone on the street. Doesn't mean it is okay.

That isn't the same thing at all is it?

cowbag1 · 30/09/2015 11:53

Yes in the latest DSM-5 and ICD-10(criteria used for diagnosis of mental health disorders) it is classed as a psychiatric disease.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 30/09/2015 11:53

I don't think its a sexual orientation though its a mental disorder

that said, so many were abused and damaged themselves as kids- herein my sympathy lies for those that have to live with it.

you cant call its a sexual orientation IMVHO

Onthepigsback · 30/09/2015 11:54

Technically you are right.

KevinAndMe · 30/09/2015 11:54

Ok....

I do feel sorry for the paedophiles who never act on their desires. It must be horrific, akin to wanting to stab a stranger in the street

Are you all saying that because that sexual inclination is about children, then these people have desires much stronger than any other sexual desires that we all have, so strong threy can hardle control these desires and it will make their life hell?
WHY?
If it is indeed a sexual inclination, there is no reason that it will be stronger than for anyone else and therefore no reason for it to be harder to live with it than my or your desire to have sex with a man/a woman/as a group/whatever take your fancy.
There are plenty of people who never have sex or find themselves not having sex for very very long periods and you know what, they still don't jump on people because they are these 'strong desire'. They don't live horrific lives.

Having sex is nice but not having sex (esp with the person you are inclined to have sex with) isn't the most horrible thing that can happen to you.

Maryz · 30/09/2015 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theycallmemellowjello · 30/09/2015 11:56

I don't think the idea that looking can be an act of abuse is so crazy. Humans are expert at picking up on non-verbal communication. Even being looked at can establish a certain relationship between two people, subconsciously on both sides. If a child always finds himself being 'looked at' in a cetain way by the same adult then it is not unlikely that he will pick up on it and experience the situation as sexual.

noeffingidea · 30/09/2015 11:56

Yes that's helpful, Cleaty.

niminypiminy · 30/09/2015 11:56

"Yes in the latest DSM-5 and ICD-10(criteria used for diagnosis of mental health disorders) it is classed as a psychiatric disease."

But so was homosexuality until a few decades ago. Also, that line of argument potentially removes moral responsibility from the abuser, and that's a problem.

DSM5 and the like are full of newly created psychiatric disorders mostly responding to the prescription-drug madness of American healthcare.

Babbafish · 30/09/2015 11:56

Where does their sexual gratification come from then? They might not act on their urges with a child .... Just child pornography ... And obviously the kids in those films consented!

No it's not a choice .... It doesn't make it fine and to liken it to homosexuality is an insult to homosexuals!!!!!

I think YOU have it a little muddled up!

Itsmine · 30/09/2015 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hamiltoes · 30/09/2015 11:56

there is no way that these people can live a whole life without acting upon them is there?

What a load of rubbish. Of course they can, in the same way that people will fantasise or roleplay rape and never actually be a rapist.

KevinAndMe · 30/09/2015 11:57

I agree about the psychiatric disease.

And this is the reason why I was saying much earlier on that if you want to help someone, it's all the very young sexual offenders that need to be supported.