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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think being a paedophile isn't a crime?

999 replies

KissingFish · 30/09/2015 11:04

I see posts from people both on here and other places (Facebook) about how paedophiles should all be killed and confusing the terms paedophile and child molester / child abuser.

They're not the same thing and honestly I don't think being a paedophile is a crime. It is a sexual orientation that nobody chooses to be born with. The same way people are born straight or gay.

Just because someone is a paedophile it doesn't mean they have acted on it and so it doesn't mean they are a child molester.

Surely if we all accepted that paedophilia is a sexual orientation we could help these people before they commit a crime. Before they act on it. I bet there are a LOT more paedophiles out there than we know about. They just don't act on it because they know it's wrong to act on it.

I am of course not saying being sexually attracted to children is a good thing or that it should ever be OK to act on it. No way. Just that I don't think people choose to be a paedophile and it must be pretty scary to realise you are attracted to children. Much the same way it used to be about being gay. And I don't imagine you can just ask friends, family or many people actually for help and advice.

I think in order to deal with a problem you need to understand it first.

I am willing to be convinced otherwise though if anyone has a good argument?

Disclaimer: I am not a paedophile, I just don't believe they are all evil.

OP posts:
Maryz · 30/09/2015 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icanteven · 30/09/2015 11:29

Also, giving it the space to be called an "orientation" legitimises it in a way that is grossly offensive to, well, pretty much every body with a sexual orientation that does NOT involve rape and abuse.

And where to even start with "Much the same way it used to be about being gay."?

KevinAndMe · 30/09/2015 11:29

Tbh, I think that people who have these 'feelings' but don't act on it don't need help. They've already mastered the how to 'cope'. Beside, if this is a 'sexual orientation' how on earth are we supposed to help them? You can't change a 'sexual orientation'.

What I DO think is that some young teenager/children have been sexually abusive to other children. These are people who then carry on being abusive to children as they reach adulthood, ie they become a child molestor.
THESE are the people that need help, a lot of help, instead of being put in prison or whatever centre for young people. But they aren't. They aren't even though research actually shows that early intervention makes all the difference.

I do have an issue though about this is idea that it's only a sexual orientation and that they can't help it. I'm guessing that it has its root much more in their childhood, being molested themselves etc...

MyNewBearTotoro · 30/09/2015 11:29

I agree.

I recently read a very interesting article about non-abusing paedophiles seeking help to ensure they do not become child abusers here. (Trigger warning: the article does contain a graphic description of child abuse so bear that in mind before reading. But it is a very, very interesting and honest piece about living as a paedophile who doesn't want to hurt children).

MinecraftWonder · 30/09/2015 11:30

How many of you would be happy to leave your young children alone with a person who professed such an interest?

That's a ridiculous question. Of course I wouldn't.

Just like I wouldn't leave someone who had always dreamed about burgling someone with my house keys. It doesn't mean I think they should be locked up for thinking about burgling me.

Letustryagain · 30/09/2015 11:30

I totally agree OP and the sad thing is that there will be many people living with these feelings who are attempting to live ordinary lives. We all know stories of Men and/or Women who are gay but have attempted to live heterosexual lives, even to the extent of marrying and having children, hiding their true selves due to what society or their background/religion will think.

At least in a number of those cases these individuals will finally get to live happier lives as being gay is no longer viewed the way it used to be. But for Paedophiles, they will never be free of it. The ones who do act on it are criminals and of course deserve to be punished. But for those who do not act on it (like the man in the Documentary that a PP mentioned), it must be a very lonely and miserable existence.

I remember watching 'Missing' I think it was called with James Nesbitt. There was the Paedophile in there who went to lengths to ensure that he wasn't ever around children and put himself through hell trialling different drugs to stop his hormones. He ended up committing suicide because he couldn't control his feelings. Incredibly sad.

Hamiltoes · 30/09/2015 11:30

I tried to explain this on a thread a while ago and was absolutely flamed.

If anything, i only feel incredible pity for them and the fact that they cannot get help.

Perhaps if attitudes changed, they could reach out before (in some cases) its too late.

Scobberlotcher · 30/09/2015 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 30/09/2015 11:30

I agree completely OP.

Openup41 · 30/09/2015 11:31

The thought that being a paedophile can be seen as a sexual orientation frightens me. It is almost presented as an option;

Heterosexual
Bisexual
Gay
Paedophile

The next thing children in schools will be taught that having such feelings are fine as long as you do not act on it.

No, just no!

Maryz · 30/09/2015 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crumblybiscuits · 30/09/2015 11:31

How about downloading pictures which didn't actually do any damage to the children in them?

Still a violation. Any sexual idealizations/thoughts about a child is violation in my mind.

CorbynsTopButton · 30/09/2015 11:32

How many of you would be happy to leave your young children alone with a person who professed such an interest?

That's a ridiculous question. Of course I wouldn't.

Would you be happy to leave an adult woman alone with a man who has a sexual interest in women?

cleaty · 30/09/2015 11:32

You think children don't pick up on it if an adult is looking at them sexually?

emmaluvseeyore · 30/09/2015 11:32

Not all paedophiles view images of children being abused, just as not everyone with an attraction to adults views porn. Many adults go through their life never viewing porn or having sexual activity with another person, so why is it that people can't see that as a possibility with people who are attracted to children? It only becomes child abuse if you view images/videos of child abuse, create them or have any sexual activity with a child. There is a difference.

SoupDragon · 30/09/2015 11:33

I agree with you, OP. It is like "heterosexual male" being synonymous with "rapist". I think homosexuality is used purely because it is a sexual preference that has recently been illegal rather than any actual comparison between the two acts.

The press should change the way they use the terminology.

One thing I have wondered is why if someone is attracted to young children (obviously not those that are very young and below the age of consent in every country - they need serious help) they don't go live in a county where their personal preference is legal. The age of consent is, to a certain extent, an artificial constraint (but it should be adhered to in whatever country you are in, clearly!) and differs around the world.

Maryz · 30/09/2015 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FattyNinjaOwl · 30/09/2015 11:33

"How many of you would be happy to leave your young children alone with a person who professed such an interest?

That's a ridiculous question. Of course I wouldn't.

Would you be happy to leave an adult woman alone with a man who has a sexual interest in women?"

What a ridiculous statement. An adult woman can consent. A child cannot.

Booyaka · 30/09/2015 11:34

I agree that it's not a crime if you don't act on it. But I'm very, very wary of classing it simply as another sexual orientation because that is the thin end of the wedge to it becoming normalised and I do not want that.

You have to consider that many paedophiles who haven't acted will have done so out of a sense of shame and because they know that their will be huge societal repercussions if they do. Personally I think that we encourage it not to be something to be ashamed of which will have repercussions at our peril. Normalising it in this way does just that.

Waltermittythesequel · 30/09/2015 11:35

cleaty and scobber are you deliberately misunderstanding or are you not reading posts?

The entire discussion is about how a sexual orientation is not the same as committing a horrific crime like child abuse!

Need I wasn't aware of that treatment, thanks.

ButtonMoon88 · 30/09/2015 11:35

Whilst I agree with what you are saying my definition, there is no way that these people can live a whole life without acting upon them is there?

It is in no way like being gay, you are not Fantasing about having sex with a minor. Even if you having acted upon your fantasy it is very morally disgusting to have these feelings. You can't police someone's thoughts though so of course help is limited until a crime has been committed.

Waltermittythesequel · 30/09/2015 11:35

Also, has anyone here said it should be socially acceptable? Said it should be normalised?

ButtonMoon88 · 30/09/2015 11:36

That should say I agree with what you are saying by definition...

CorbynsTopButton · 30/09/2015 11:36

What a ridiculous statement. An adult woman can consent. A child cannot.

OK then, what about an adult women with an intellectual disability who could not consent?

cleaty · 30/09/2015 11:36

Some adults have throughout history had sex with no one. Utter rubbish to paint this as some terrible struggle.

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