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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think being a paedophile isn't a crime?

999 replies

KissingFish · 30/09/2015 11:04

I see posts from people both on here and other places (Facebook) about how paedophiles should all be killed and confusing the terms paedophile and child molester / child abuser.

They're not the same thing and honestly I don't think being a paedophile is a crime. It is a sexual orientation that nobody chooses to be born with. The same way people are born straight or gay.

Just because someone is a paedophile it doesn't mean they have acted on it and so it doesn't mean they are a child molester.

Surely if we all accepted that paedophilia is a sexual orientation we could help these people before they commit a crime. Before they act on it. I bet there are a LOT more paedophiles out there than we know about. They just don't act on it because they know it's wrong to act on it.

I am of course not saying being sexually attracted to children is a good thing or that it should ever be OK to act on it. No way. Just that I don't think people choose to be a paedophile and it must be pretty scary to realise you are attracted to children. Much the same way it used to be about being gay. And I don't imagine you can just ask friends, family or many people actually for help and advice.

I think in order to deal with a problem you need to understand it first.

I am willing to be convinced otherwise though if anyone has a good argument?

Disclaimer: I am not a paedophile, I just don't believe they are all evil.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 30/09/2015 13:50

Lets hug a Paedophile! Rax your friend is a paedophile, how do you make sure your children are safe when he is there! how do you know he is not trying to groom them! You make it sound very normal and ok, I for one would not want him anywhere near my children. He might not have acted out, but how do you know he will not! How do you know, what is going through his head when he looks at your children! Paedophilia is a psychological disorder which requires treatment, it is not a sexual preference, that would imply that it is normal and acceptable, lawmakers and society have to make adjustments which accommodate that, which it is not. A paedophile can never have a relationship with a child, in the same way as consenting adults such as gay, lesbian and those who are bi do.

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 13:50

yes lily, AA for pedophiles what a thought.

Like I said, with an alcoholic if they relapse they hurt themselves. If a peadophile relapses he seriously abuses someone's child.

Gottagetmoving · 30/09/2015 13:50

...and he may have sexual thoughts and fantasies about your children.. that ok

and so may one of your relatives,..or the next door neighbour,..or your doctor...or any man you come into contact with.

You never know what anyone is thinking. Just because that man is at her dinner table does not mean her kids are more likely to be abused than yours are.

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 13:51

*he or she I did actually know a female peadophile once,

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 13:52

so you'd like to make that even more likely, in fact incredibly likely, by inviting someone with sexual attraction to children to come and have close interaction with your children? not something i'd risk.

hiddenhome2 · 30/09/2015 13:52

Being a paedophile is like being a psychopath. It's untreatable and you can never fully trust them. Anyone who believes it's treatable is deluded.

Gottagetmoving · 30/09/2015 13:52

This whole discussion has been staged by a paedophile ring in a blighted attempt to win over the hearts and minds of the mother of the babies and children they wish to abuse. I think it is heartily sickening

You ned to get a grip of your fear and paranoia.

leedy · 30/09/2015 13:53

The AA-for-paedophiles type group that the young man in the article upthread formed has actually stopped him and a number of other young people from viewing child abuse images, encouraged some of them who were not exclusively interested in children to pursue more age-appropriate relationships, basically prevented abuse.

But don't let the facts get in the way of a good frenzy of self-righteousness.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/09/2015 13:53

True Gottage but even more so if he is a confessed paedophile, it would make me very wary. My main aim is to protect my children, as they are vulnerable and cannot, to invite a confessed paedophile into my home would be unacceptable.

Hamiltoes · 30/09/2015 13:54

Lily you are hysterical.

ghostyslovesheep · 30/09/2015 13:54

Lily seriously that's what you are seeing? Shock
Of course viewing images of child abuse is abuse - please show me where people have said otherwise Confused
As a survivor myself your last post disturbed me - because you see anyone not calling for blood as a paedophile

Booyaka · 30/09/2015 13:54

AA for paedophiles is a terrible, it would become some sort of paedophile networking society and information exchange. Disgraceful, dangerous idea.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 30/09/2015 13:54

so you'd like to make that even more likely, in fact incredibly likely, by inviting someone with sexual attraction to children to come and have close interaction with your children? not something i'd risk.

Would you invite a male friend to dinner? But, but he has a sexual attraction to women, and a close interaction with you. Surely theres a high risk of him raping you,being a man sexually attracted to women and all...

Gottagetmoving · 30/09/2015 13:55

so you'd like to make that even more likely, in fact incredibly likely, by inviting someone with sexual attraction to children to come and have close interaction with your children? not something i'd risk

I don't think anyone, certainly not me, said that.
My post was in response to your question about her visitor having fantasies about her children.
I doubt the poster invited the man along to abuse her kids. It was to have dinner.

leedy · 30/09/2015 13:56

Here's the TAL episode, just in case anyone would like to hear about the boy who formed the support group (which did not become a paedophile network).

www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/522/tarred-and-feathered

lilycabbagerocks · 30/09/2015 13:56

Leedy you seem to be very knowledgeable about the subject and peer groups and support groups for young men etc, and yet you claim to be a mother with children?

outputgap · 30/09/2015 13:56

To have a normal sexual orientation and normal sexual desires you need to be to look into the eyes of the other person and be sure that there is reciprocal desire and consent. Hence there is no possible analogy between homosexuals and paedophiles or rapists for that matter. None whatsoever. The latter two are about power and control and violence, not sexuality.

Gruntfuttock · 30/09/2015 13:56

MySordidCakeSecret "he or she I did actually know a female peadophile once"

One was jailed the other day news.sky.com/story/1560352/utterly-depraved-female-paedophile-jailed

lilycabbagerocks · 30/09/2015 13:56

I am not interested in paedophile peer groups Leedy!

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 13:56

If I was single and wanted to meet a man for dinner, then like most responsible parents i would do so in a facility without my children, So they are not at risk

I would secondly take precautions to protect myself like others do, public place and so on.

But even if there is still a minimal risk, it is MYSELF i am risking. An adult who understands the danger. NOT my children.

Sidge · 30/09/2015 13:57

Sidge given the estimated number or pedophiles in this country, you think it wouldnt have an impact on other services (already spread so thin due to funding) if the nhs had to suddenly pay out for intensive therapy for all wh requested it?

My Sordid No I don't. The numbers seeking help would be small and the therapy services that they would need are very specialised. I don't doubt there would be a long waiting list but I don't think it would impact significantly on mainstream counselling services.

lily you sound incredibly irrational. This isn't a thread to create a paedophile ring Hmm it's a discussion thread about an issue that is bound to create debate and conflicting opinions.

It was all going well and was an interesting and challenging discussion until a few posters pitched in...

Scoobydoo8 · 30/09/2015 13:57

But is it a sexual orientation???? Surely those saying this can cite a few researches which prove this is the case?

Where are they?

Who would lynch a paedophile who has never abused????? How on earth would you know they were a paedophile?

Why are their sexual urges sooo powerful that they might abuse a child. Many people have strong sexual urges but not strong enough that they would rape a man or woman - why do child sex abusers do it?

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 13:58

gottaget, my post was in response to your comment that any man could have that, yes but, as per my reply, would you want someone who you know that to be a risk to come into your home with your children to interact with them? would you do it?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 30/09/2015 13:58

Leedy you seem to be very knowledgeable about the subject and peer groups and support groups for young men etc, and yet you claim to be a mother with children?

Some of us are able to critically read and process information that is unrelated to motherhood/kittens/hair and make up/whatever esle you think MNers should be knowledgeable about...

Gottagetmoving · 30/09/2015 13:58

I doubt many paedophiles abuse children in the presence of an unwitting mother or father over dinner SordidCakeSecret

I don't think this one was invited over to have dinner with the children only.