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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect someone to wait until dd is safely inside?

101 replies

Dancergirl · 29/09/2015 21:38

My 14 year old dd has been dropped home by two different people recently, one occasion was after her babysitting, the other was after a dance rehearsal.

On both occasions, the driver (who are both dads), drove off before I had opened the door to dd.

Not sure if I'm being precious, but surely it's good sense to wait until she's safely inside before driving away? If I was dropping someone home, I would make sure they got in ok even with an adult, let alone a child. AIBU?

OP posts:
Gatehouse77 · 30/09/2015 08:10

Oh, and the above relates to all ages and sexes.

Janeymoo50 · 30/09/2015 08:11

I'd wait too, It was always something that happened to me as a girl/woman etc. So, and I mean this without any nastiness, maybe it can be more of a female habit to wait until someone has got in safe although not saying there aren't any men who never see someone in of course. Maybe the rule should be with late lifts that your daughter always asks her lift provider to make sure she gets in ok. YAB a little U but I get your point too.

DoreenLethal · 30/09/2015 08:13

I wouldn't wait. Door shut, peep and drive away.

So double rude then! Why peep? Just why? I suppose people that are not concerned about people they do know t[hat they have dropped off] are even less 'giving of a shit' about people in the vicinity that they do not know. It is very self-centred.

BertrandRussell · 30/09/2015 08:19

Yep- I don't think of it in terms of safety. It's just a nice thing. Like saying thank you to the bus driver when you get off. I don't shut my door til the person leaving is out of sight, either. Little things that make the world pleasanter place to live in.

randomsabreuse · 30/09/2015 08:19

I got caught once when my then boyfriend dropped me off waited until my key was in the door and I then discovered that my parents had accidentally bolted the door. Had to walk to phone box as brand new mobile wasn't yet active. This was in uni holidays so parents had got out of the habit of me being there!

Gatehouse77 · 30/09/2015 08:30

BertrandRussell I agree. I say thank you to bus/coach drivers, air craft crew, cashiers...in fact anyone who has done something of a 'service'. People who open doors, let me into traffic, waiters/waitresses who bring drinks, cutlery,etc...

And my great joy is seeing that all my kids do that now, unprompted Smile. And that they get a positive response back.

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 30/09/2015 08:47

DH doesn't even wait if he drops one of our own older kids somewhere they are expected to arrive, including a friend's house or sport training... It surprised me a bit as I always park and go to the door with them, but the kids are OK with it, and quite resourceful in that when I asked them what they would do if nobody came to the door/ the trainer didn't turn up, they could think of people they'd go to within a few minutes walk to ask to use the phone and call home... (DC1 has a mobile now, but DC2 doesn't, and DD doesn't have it with her when she goes to sport due to worrying about leaving it in the changing room without lockers).

Thinking about it some people wait and some people don't when dropping kids back here when we lift share - I've never really thought anything of it, and my kids aren't even teens yet! We live in a very "safe" area, but nowhere is completely safe ... guess I would worry more in an anonymous suburban area where nobody knows their neighbours and everyone pretends to ignore each other than anywhere else.

Original poster
Dancergirl · 30/09/2015 09:26

Thanks, interesting reading.

For me, it's definitely a manners thing rather than safety. It's a safe area, I don't worry that's something will happen to her and I certainly don't mollycoddle her.

I don't know, I'm just old fashioned I suppose. I was brought up to have good manners and I install that in my dc. I was surprised a few weeks ago when dd had some friends to sleep over, one girl was collected in the morning, the dad must have texted her that he was outside, she said thank you and left. She was polite enough, but to me I was surprised he didn't come to the door, say hello etc. Just my opinion though.....

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 30/09/2015 09:31

Basic courtesy to anyone adult or child. Irrespective of the potential to come to harm, people forget keys or have issues with door locks all the time. It's 2 mins to hang on to check that they are in safely.

I'd refuse to allow her to babysit for the first family again until I had a commitment from them to check that she'd gone inside before leaving. Lazy arse git. As for the rehearsal Dad, presumably his own precious child was also in the car with him. Bet he'd take a dim view if you reversed the "favour"

DoloresYMilagros · 30/09/2015 10:16

Having been mugged at knife point on my own front doorstep, I'm obviously saying YANBU. Bad things don't happen all the time, but they do happen.

composemail · 30/09/2015 10:18

I always wait to see they are in.

sparechange · 30/09/2015 10:20

Yes of course they should wait! Especially at 10:30pm
I always take Addison Lee taxis when I'm on my own because they have a policy of waiting until you are inside before they drive off.

Could she phone you when she is a few minutes away to let you know she is nearly home so you can be by the door, if these dads aren't going to wait for her to get inside?

Openup41 · 30/09/2015 12:01

I would wait. Even if I drop an adult off, I wait until they go in.

BarnDoorForSale · 30/09/2015 13:04

ive been dropped off before and got to the front door, reached for my keys, dawning realisation, and turned around to see the car driving off, with my handbag in it..... I had to go to a neighbours house and ring my own mobile so the driver would hear it and come back.
I ALWAYS wait til the person has the door open.

Nancyanne · 30/09/2015 13:06

Yeh, I always wait for my daughter's friends to get inside, before I drive off. And they are 17. It's an extra minute - how hard is that?!

TheTigerIsOut · 30/09/2015 16:03

I think is a manners thing, just a courtesy gesture. And yes, I think is rude not to wait.

Senpai · 30/09/2015 16:38

My 11 year old has the freedom to walk to the shops and back...nobody checks she's got home...I know when she walks in! .unless you live in the Bronx or something it's fine!

Your 11 year old walks to the shops late at night alone? Confused

...and... The bronx isn't that bad anymore. The shittiest city award has gone to Detroit for quite some time. Wink

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 30/09/2015 16:44

Yeah I'd wait. My dd 10 stayed at her gran and papas one night. They only stay a ten minute walk away. He dropped her off and drove away. Except we'd left to go get her so we walked into the house and my mil told us he was droppingher off and two mins later he walked in without her. She had no mob on her. We drove down but couldn't see her. Eventually found her, she'd went to her friends up the street. So yeah I'd always wait. Not only that but there's been numerous people attacked on doorsteps at night and stuff so better safe than sorry in my opinion.

Having said that, you can't make other people do it or ask them to really.

RB68 · 30/09/2015 17:01

yeah I would always see someone "safe" as we used to call it So door open and a wave between fam members and just check door open with anyone else. Especially after dark.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 30/09/2015 17:02

I always wait, and it's nothing to do with age.

When I drop my (40yrs+) friends off after a night out I wait just in case they've got locked out or something. Just to 'see them in' as my dad would say.

It's polite and it's practical.

Narp · 30/09/2015 17:31

I always wait

Katie2001 · 30/09/2015 17:38

Raptor - yes, my 40+ friends and I do that too.

Kbear · 30/09/2015 17:46

I would wait too but on MN you're not allowed to wait and see people in or make your teenagers a packed lunch - these are new MN rules as of now - please make sure you adhere :)

Kbear · 30/09/2015 17:47

and horror of horrors - I picked my daughter up from the station after college this afternoon - I'm in big trouble now

hehe

Gatehouse77 · 01/10/2015 07:56

Shock I make packed lunches for mine up to 6th form. Have I ruined them for life? Will this render them incapable of holding down a good job/relationship or becoming a well-adjusted member of society?

I didn't know Blush
And I don't make them do chores...

We'll start saving up for the years of therapy they're going to need.
Because I don't want my kids to have a childhood. I want them to suffer the same hardships as all adults. I don't want their formative years to be as carefree as possible because the majority of their life will be that endless cycle of work, housework, money worries, tiredness and disillusionment that adulthood is amazing!

I hang my head in shame Sad. Tell me if it needs to be lower... Grin