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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect someone to wait until dd is safely inside?

101 replies

Dancergirl · 29/09/2015 21:38

My 14 year old dd has been dropped home by two different people recently, one occasion was after her babysitting, the other was after a dance rehearsal.

On both occasions, the driver (who are both dads), drove off before I had opened the door to dd.

Not sure if I'm being precious, but surely it's good sense to wait until she's safely inside before driving away? If I was dropping someone home, I would make sure they got in ok even with an adult, let alone a child. AIBU?

OP posts:
multivac · 30/09/2015 00:09

I would wait; in much the same way as I can't leave the office until my computer has definitely, definitely closed down. I'm aware, though, that this is more about superstition - and possibly an old-fashioned idea of manners - than anything else, really; given that I'm also happy for my ten-year-olds to get themselves home from school alone and let themselves into the house three hours before I arrive...

Original poster
Dancergirl · 30/09/2015 00:10

Thanks all, mixed responses!

To clarify, I'm not THAT concerned, I don't think anything is going to 'happen' to her and I'm well aware she's not a young child. The lift home after the dance rehearsal is on a rota, when I drop back I always wait till the other girl is inside.

It doesn't bother me so much that I would refuse a lift home for her, I was just surprised as its something I would always do for anyone, adult or child. It just seems sensible and good manners and takes seconds of extra time.

Horses for courses I suppose.

OP posts:
PetShopGirl · 30/09/2015 00:10

YANBU. It's basic good manners to wait.

AnnaMarlowe · 30/09/2015 00:12

Why doesn't a 14 yo have her own door key?

Original poster
Dancergirl · 30/09/2015 00:14

She does have a key but doesn't always take it if we're in. It's not about the key really, I would expect an adult to have a key but I would still wait just in case.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 30/09/2015 00:17

My friends in their 40s do this for each other. My DH forgot his keys last week and got locked out. Nice to wait, I think but not compulsory.

yummumto3girls · 30/09/2015 00:19

I think the mixed responses show the difference in attitude towards how grown up a 14 year old is. They are still a child. I too would wait until they were safely in the front door and would hope others would do the samefor my 14 year old DD. Basic manners.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 30/09/2015 00:28

I think it's a politeness thing. I'd have waited without question :)

BertrandRussell · 30/09/2015 00:30

I think the mixed responses show the difference in attitude towards how grown up a 14 year old is"

I don't agree. I just think it's good manners, regardless of age.

RockinHippy · 30/09/2015 00:47

I would wait & Im a bit shocked so many think YABU

But then I was also shocked that a similar aged girl was recently raped around here after walking in the street alone later at night. From local gossip, seems it turned out to be similar circumstances to this. I couldnt understand why she was left to,walk the last bit home alone in the dark - now I can

MidniteScribbler · 30/09/2015 00:54

I always wait for the person to open their front door. It only takes a few seconds and at least you know they are safe.

I also get a friends to text me when they are safely home so I can stop worrying about them. Fortunately my friends accept this quirk of my personality due to an incident in my younger years when a friend never made it home. I just can't switch off and go to bed until I know they are home.

Also, at training, we never leave until everyone has their car switched on and we're all lined up at the gate. We then wait until the person with the gate key locks up and is back in their car with it switched on until we all drive away. It's safety in case someone's car doesn't start and we don't want them left sitting in the dark for roadside assistance. It's never been discussed, we just all automatically do it.

mileend2bermondsey · 30/09/2015 01:05

If someone is responsible enough to look after young children single handedly, presumably they can also manage walking up their driveway and sticking the key through the door.

I think it is poor manners to leave before the person you are dropping off is inside, however I wouldn't expect everyone to have the same definition of poor and good manners as I do. It's quite subjective.

Personally I think YAB a little U. and also PFB.

Adarajames · 30/09/2015 01:15

I always wait, and do the waiting in cars till all started and ready to go a pp mentioned above.

Was rather disturbed that the local authority transport for a child who is severely autistic just drops and runs, doesn't wait to see if he's let in, and is often no adult there when thy do this Confused

sproketmx · 30/09/2015 01:56

I wouldn't wait. Door shut, peep and drive away. My kids would be mortified if I waited or if their lift waited and they're younger than yours. I would have been too. UUUGH I'M NOT A FUCKING BABY!!! screamed back at them

Brioche201 · 30/09/2015 02:47

We never lock the front door until bed time. Am surprised SL many people do!

MidniteScribbler · 30/09/2015 02:59

Door shut, peep and drive away.

Disturbing the rest of the neighbourhood as you go. I've never understood this need for beeping the bloody horn as your drive away. You've said goodbye, the rest of the neighbours don't need to hear you. Shut up with the fucking horn.

GirlOverboard · 30/09/2015 03:36

YANBU. It's pretty bad to leave a 14 year old girl alone, in the dark, on the street at 10.30pm. Of course it's very unlikely that she'll come to harm, but after what happened to Sally Anne Bowman I wouldn't risk it, not to save an extra 10 seconds of my time.

Senpai · 30/09/2015 03:45

YANBU.

It's not a matter of she should have a key. It's what could happen the one time she forgot it. She could be locked outside her house, alone, in the dark. That's a vulnerable position to be in for any woman. Or more likely, she could be freezing and miserable until a parent got home.

Either way, I always wait to make sure people get in when dropping them off, even full grown men. You never know if they'll get locked out and need to hang with you for a while longer while they wait for someone to get home.

hebihebi · 30/09/2015 05:17

I think its good manners to wait. I also think about what happened to Sally Anne Bowman. It was horrific.

I know it's rare but I often feel quite vulnerable on the doorstep. I also keep the front door locked all the time. Our neighborhood is pretty safe but you never know. You hear stories about people trying front doors and grabbing bags, car keys etc from the hall.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 30/09/2015 05:35

she's 14...I think YABU. My 11 year old has the freedom to walk to the shops and back...nobody checks she's got home...I know when she walks in! .unless you live in the Bronx or something it's fine!

PunkrockerGirl · 30/09/2015 06:17

I always wait if I've given someone a lift. Just good manners imo.

Bottlecap · 30/09/2015 06:24

I'd wait, it's basic courtesy.

Singsongsungagain · 30/09/2015 06:35

I'm 40 and car share to work with a 45 year old friend. We always wait until the other is in the house before we drive off!

Spartans · 30/09/2015 06:37

I would wait, however I wouldn't be annoyed at people who dont.

If she is old enough to look after someone else's kids, I can see how they assumed she would be ok. And most probably have a key to let herself in.

Gatehouse77 · 30/09/2015 08:09

I equally have instilled in mine to turn round when they get to the door and wave to the 'driver'.

For me, it's not just about the added safety aspect but mostly about manners and courtesy. I used to do a rota and found it odd that the other girl I gave a lift to got out of the car (after saying thank you) and just walked into her house without looking back and waving.

Again, there's no right or wrong and I don't see it as 'precious' Hmm.
Manners cost nothing and I consider waiting/waving to come under that category. Others, clearly, don't.