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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being PFB regarding pre-school situation?

94 replies

Wishful80smontage · 28/09/2015 15:11

Happy to be supported or told I'm completely overreacting here - I just need some detached responses please.
My dd is 2.5. She started at 2 preschools which I took her out of- first one- wasn't happy with environment- very small portacabin- she was youngest by far and outside area not good
Second one- inside was fine but outdoor area unsafe and not completely secure.
Visited 3 more- ruled one out as no outdoor space, another as the outdoor space was was in a back garden and didn't seem safe.
Leaves me one option locally everything fine regarding outdoor space- very secure and safe only issue is the toilets are down a corridor so children when toilet trained taje themselves off to the loo- Im worried this could be a potential accident hotspot- drowning risk, slipping on water etc
My dh thinks I'm utterly ridiculous he thinks I need to just pick one and get her settled as we have dc2 on way shortly.
I want her to be able to go preschool- she would love it but I'm unhappy with my only option- would you be concerned re:toilet situation or am I massively overthinking this?
Thanks

OP posts:
InimitableJeeves · 28/09/2015 16:02

I seriously doubt that the outdoor space in the pre-schools you have seen really is unsafe. They just wouldn't be allowed to operate if that was the case.

Onthepigsback · 28/09/2015 16:09

I think you need to feel happy with the preschool you choose but I also think your thoughts are out of control. Quite possibly the first two places were not up to scratch and have set you off on some kind of anxiety thing where now you are looking at every little aspect of the playschools you look at, well beyond what is necessary to ensure your childs wellbeing.

You need to choose somewhere with the PEOPLE you like and feel you can trust. THEY will ensure you child is safe from drowning, teddybears coming to life and killing children, magazines loose on the floor that will cause children to slip and start a chain of events that cause the building to fall down.

Choose the minders and (within reason) accept that the school and garden and playground will be safe because your child is in their care.

grassisgreenersometimes · 28/09/2015 16:11

Sorry OP, another one saying YABU. In the nurseries I know, there is always a member of staff going with the children to the toilets to supervise/help.

As to drowning ... sorry but that's the funniest thing I've seen on MN for a while :)

PotteringAlong · 28/09/2015 16:12

When was the last time you heard of a child drowning in a toilet? Or putting their own head in a sink of water and holding it there until they drowned?

You need to relax a little I think - I'm with your DH on this one.

PotteringAlong · 28/09/2015 16:13

Also, do you go to the toilet at all times with your child? You might now but I promise you you won't when the new baby arrives!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 28/09/2015 16:13

levitating 2 yr olds falling in sinks and murderous toddlers drowning each other.

Killing myself at this! Grin

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 28/09/2015 16:14

They have staff in each of the main rooms and outdoor but there isn't a member of staff next to the toilets at all times.

Just to pick up on this. At the funding rates pre-schools receive (or the amount they can realistically charge for the under 3's) the idea that they could have the finances to station a staff member permanently on the loo is up there with pigs flying.

blackteaplease · 28/09/2015 16:15

Some of you are being a bit mean to the OP.

If you otherwise like the staff and the pre-school go in and have a chat to them about how the toilets are managed. They won't mind at all.

LieselVonTwat · 28/09/2015 16:18

It'll be fine OP, honestly.

Floggingmolly · 28/09/2015 16:18

Oh, be kind, people Hmm. We were all over the top in some ways with our firstborns, and sending them off to nursery for the first time is hard.

DamnCommandments · 28/09/2015 16:19

I wouldn't be so totally blazé about the safety of outdoor space. My DD, then 2, sliced open her face to the tune of plastic surgery on a toy which had been made by a member of nursery staff. It knocked their OFSTED rating back and resulted in a Local Authority inspection. I did let her go back - but that day, her environment was not safe.

Slammerkins · 28/09/2015 16:20

You won't be the first to ask about the arrangements for small children going to the toilet, I promise!

Fooshufflewickbannanapants · 28/09/2015 16:20

Oh my I'm crying tears of utter joy at levitating toddlers and the fact that a toddler could stay focused\still long enough to murder their class mates.
I'm sorry OP but you are being pfb
I'm on number 6 so possibly a little too blase and I'm probably the antithesis of pfb but when your second one comes along you won't give a shiny shite about accompanying your eldest to the loo,and if they eat dirt you'll just be pleased that it may vaguely count as one of their 5 a day.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 28/09/2015 16:22

Damn - I am sorry to hear about your DD's accident. That is awful Sad. I think that there is a bit of a difference between an unsafe toy (which won't necessarily have been seen by Ofsted, which might not have been documented in a risk assessment etc) and not securing the outside space. Securing outside space is a documented, structural issue that will have been specifically part of inspections. I don't think anyone is saying that pre schools are always safe. I think what people are pointing out is that there must be a plan to secure outside space or places wouldn't be allowed to operate.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 28/09/2015 16:23

I don't think anyone is being particularly mean. They are just having a giggle in a good natured way, hopefully it would help the op see that she is being a bit pfb without anyone being nasty.

DamnCommandments · 28/09/2015 16:25

Point taken Libraries - I was never worried that she'd escape. DH and I did check ask round the fences for nails which might be standing proud, though!

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 28/09/2015 16:28

God, after an accident like that I bet you did Damn Sad

sofato5miles · 28/09/2015 16:28

PFB with bells on.

Booyaka · 28/09/2015 16:30

I'm so glad my son isn't at nursery with all these homicidal toddlers.

Original poster
Wishful80smontage · 28/09/2015 16:34

Thanks all made me realise how daft I have been :)
In my defence the whole drowning sernario played out more along the lines of... Child fills sink, uses the little step provided to reach sink and either they slip forward or that murderous toddler comes along and spots an opportunity.
I am expecting second so shall we tot all this craziness up to hormones (please!)
I need to probably apologise to 3 of my friends (one who whom works with children) who I have pestered for the last week and a half with this and they probably think I'm completely unhinged ATM my dh knows I'm completely paranoid anyway so I won't bother apologising to him he's quite used to it by now

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 28/09/2015 16:45

Yes, you're being PFB and a little OTT but you're working up to handing your PFB over to virtual strangers while contending with pregnancy hormones.

Realistically, no child is going to accidentally fall forward into a sink full of water and none of the others is going to be strong enough to hold their head under water at that sort of angle. If you don't believe me, try getting your DD into a sink against her will. You'll soon discover that she's a lot stronger than you thought.

It will become easier once you know the staff caring for your DD and she's been a few times and come back unscathed.

You can't protect them from everything but you can rest assured that early years settings are very well set up to minimise all threats to life and limb. Your DD will be safe.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 28/09/2015 16:45

Come on op! That was far too gracious a reply to this thread!

Gatehouse77 · 28/09/2015 16:59

I can understand the reasons for not liking all the others but the toilet-issue with the other is you being over cautious sensitive and over thinking it...

lottiegarbanzo · 28/09/2015 17:08

Did you talk to staff at the other places about the things you perceived as unsafe? They might have allayed your fears. You should really have given them the opprtunity.

Staff will be in and out of the loos all the time. Most DCs will need help.

I'd sit in for a morning or two and observe. I did this to help dd settle in. It also meant I know what they're doing and how they do things, I find it nice to be able to picture that.

lottiegarbanzo · 28/09/2015 17:10

Oh yes and I found the things that bothered or impressed me were not the same as for dd. Her perspective was quite different from mine and based on her actual experience of how places are run.

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