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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is odd (MIL issue)

97 replies

3rdrockfromthesun · 27/09/2015 22:30

Just come back from London and seeing DP's parents who are separated. Was going through the drawers Before leaving to pack stuff we had forgotten/ left behind last time where I found some of DP's underwear. Started to pack them when DP said that his mother has spare paints for him just in case he forgets to bring some with him! AIBU to think this is a bit odd as DP is 25 (not going on 3) that he can just nip to the shop and buy spares/new paints if forgets like the rest of us ?

OP posts:

BigRedBall · 28/09/2015 10:26

Poor mils, they can't do right from wrong.

They're just pants op. I'd keep spare clothes for my kids too when they grew up. Why don't you leave a pair of thongs for yourself next time you visit?

KurriKurri · 28/09/2015 10:36

I have spare pants, toothbrushes and sanitary products for my adult DS, DD, Dsis and Dneices should they either decide last minute to stay over, or find they've forgotten to pack some or run out.

One of my nieces had her suitcase stolen on the way down to see me - had to find her everything to wear while she stayed (She'd come for a job interview too so had all her interview clothes in her bag.)

My Dad once came to stay for two weeks and announced on day one that he had forgotten to pack any shirts. I found him one of XH's and then took him to Primark for supplies

It's not odd - it's kind and probably born of long experience of having folk to stay.

BarbarianMum · 28/09/2015 10:44

One part of me thinks it's odd, the other part remembers how often dh has had to borrow socks/jumpers/shirts when we stay at his parents - pants are just a logical extension of that, I guess.

My mum has a spare nightie, dressing gown and slippers for me at her house. We live 20 minutes away and I have slept their exactly once in 10 years.

SlatternLikesToRest · 28/09/2015 10:58

I think my mother has a spare of absolutely anything that any member of the family may ever need ever, just in case. And i only live down the road so could nip back to my own if needs be.

I think you are over thinking this.

Mothers are still mothers, even when their children grow up and leave home. Leave her be.

middlings · 28/09/2015 11:03

On the face of it, YABU but it all depends on context.

DH and I have been married for 6 years and have two children. His bedroom at his mother's is still kept for him "in case he needs to come to stay."

That's me told.

diddl · 28/09/2015 11:06

"My 26 year old has clothes here as the lazy sod hasn't cleared then out."

That's different though, isn't it?

I doubt it would occur to me to buy pants in case my 25yr old forgot them!
(must be a crap, thoughtless mum!)

" I asked MIL if we could use my partners birth certificate as his passport ran out, MIL said if she could come with us then we could use them (so it was out of her care for as little time as possible!)"

That is probably the maddest thing I have read on here!

But you have "put her in her place".

Now that you have the BC, you no longer have to involve her in something that she thinks she should be involved in.

diddl · 28/09/2015 11:31

"Ach, c'mon, he's 25 not 35, it's not that long ago he was living at home and she was buying all his pants for him. "

Why would she be buying his pants just because he was living at home?

"I think it's weird and infantilising, but it looks like I'm in the minority here."

I'm with you.

I'd be mortified if my mum bought pants in case Iforgot to pack some when visiting.

If I did forget I'd be able to sort it out!

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 28/09/2015 11:45

Yes it's extremely odd, weird, but everyone does utterly weird things.

DP's reaction is more strange, just accepting it as normal.

Thefitfatty · 28/09/2015 11:53

My MIL not only has underpants, toiletries, spare clothes for my DH (whose 30), she now has them for me (34) and our 2 DC's. Despite that we always pack everything we need when we go. She's just that type of person. It's great the few times we actually have forgotten things.

KurriKurri · 28/09/2015 12:38

But people do forget things - I often forget to pack stuff and I;m very grateful when people have spares in their house - that's why I do it.
It's not infantalising - of course it is possible to sort it out yourself, but where I live and where many of my family live sorting it out yourself means a 25 mile round trip to tesco - probably late at night or first thing in the morning to buy forgotten stuff. After a long journey to visit someone I'd be very glad if there was spare stuff at their house - that's why I do it.

I wouldn't feel mortified - I'd feel much more mortified having to go to bed with manky teeth if I'd forgotten to pack a toothbrush.

TheExMotherInLaw · 28/09/2015 17:54

I have a few new changes of underwear for my adult dcs who left 8+ years ago. Being new, they can be given to anyone who stays over/ turns up at the door dripping wet, etc - and yes, it has happened. Also, if I have to make the call - come quick, your DF's in hospital - they can stay over and at least have the basic essentials here. I, too, have a little box of sanitary protection in the bathroom for any visitors who might be in need. No big deal.

tibbawyrots · 28/09/2015 18:50

I'm in the middle of moving house, adult DD not moving with us as she's staying with her Dad, but she's still having her room in my new house and we've packed accordingly so she can just come and stay with no worries.

She's my daughter, always will be and will never have to ask to come and stay. Just turn up.

She wears all my clothes anyway so meh.

MrsKoala · 28/09/2015 20:58

I'm 38 and my mum has spare shoes, clothes, undies and jamas for me and my children if we stay over. She also has nappies, tampax and toiletries etc. I keep her favourite shampoo, jamas and flip flops here too. I don't think it's odd at all. (a lot of this comes from the fact that neither of us drive so we get the train to visit and can't carry too much and that i am a scatter brain and forget everything anyway )

PavlovaPalaver · 28/09/2015 22:18

Wish my mum did this. I'm just back from a weekend at my folks and forgot to pack any pants or socks for myself. Again!

I am 41 and moved out of home at 18.

Redglitter · 28/09/2015 22:23

I left home over 20 years ago but my mum has spare knickers tights and pj's for me in a drawer in the spare room. They've been much used over the years

contractor6 · 29/09/2015 07:23

I'm.in late thirties, left home at 20, still have spare underwear and other clothes at mums, oh and shampoo etc saves packing lots when we visit.

PuntasticUsername · 29/09/2015 07:47

My DM always gives DH a hero's welcome when we arrive there, and has his slippers warming on the radiator. Occasionally she even remembers to warm mine too

OnlyLovers · 29/09/2015 10:13

I think things like tampons and toiletries, that are for more general use, are different from keeping sets of underwear or clothes for specific people.

I have toiletries etc for guests but I don't have knickers or socks. That would be weird.

BertrandRussell · 29/09/2015 10:31

I always have spare toothbrushes- is that wierd?

And while I have a house, there will always be space in it for my children to come if they want/need to. Obviously I wouldn't tell their partners that they had somewhere to run to but they would. And they will always know it.

OnlyLovers · 29/09/2015 10:37

No, general use things are fine IMO.

Gottagetmoving · 29/09/2015 10:44

Can't see anything wrong in it. I would expect my son to look after himself and wouldn't bother keeping spare anything for him but not all mothers are like me.
You must be a bit like her to be packing his pants. I would expect a DP or DH to pack his own.
I think perhaps you feel in an 'ownership' struggle with MiL?

Birdsgottafly · 29/09/2015 10:45

I'd left "home" 31 years ago, my DDs are adults, but we had two drawers in my Mums with Pjs (we are a PJ for comfort wearing family) and underwear in.

My Mum also kept shampoo (she went the hairdressers) and a range of toiletries for us and we all live local, but it saved us ever needing to carry anything.

Otherwise she rattled around in a near empty three bed house.

My DDs still ask me to pick them stuff up, when I'm in town, including underwear, because of working hours.

So I don't think it's strange, at all, but I can appreciate that other people aren't as close to their family.

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