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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is odd (MIL issue)

97 replies

3rdrockfromthesun · 27/09/2015 22:30

Just come back from London and seeing DP's parents who are separated. Was going through the drawers Before leaving to pack stuff we had forgotten/ left behind last time where I found some of DP's underwear. Started to pack them when DP said that his mother has spare paints for him just in case he forgets to bring some with him! AIBU to think this is a bit odd as DP is 25 (not going on 3) that he can just nip to the shop and buy spares/new paints if forgets like the rest of us ?

OP posts:

sleeponeday · 27/09/2015 23:19

If she arrives at yours when he's 30 and you've just got married and returned from honeymoon a month before, armed with pants, socks and packets of mince for the freezer, "because I know how you two eat!" when she can burn water and you have catered professionally then you can be irritated. This just sounds like a mum, tbh. He'll always be 5 to her.

ImperialBlether · 27/09/2015 23:20

Not weird at all. My son's away studying - he's 23. When he comes home he brings lots of clothes home and it's inevitable that some things get left behind. What else would I do with them except keep them in a drawer for him?

I don't want to be patronising, OP, but when you have a son who's 25 you won't find it odd, either!

LuluJakey1 · 27/09/2015 23:22

DH still has stuff at his parents - clothes- and we have been married 6 years, he didn't live there for 7 years before that. Occasionally he will find something when we go to stay that he has had so lng it has come back into fashion again and bring it home. THe last time was a hideous red checked shirt.

HirplesWithHaggis · 27/09/2015 23:22

OP finds it odd MIL has emergency kecks for her DS. But OP was doing the last-minute checks/drawer tidying/packing for said DS...

sleeponeday · 27/09/2015 23:24

OP did say they weren't left behind. They are brand new ones bought for the purpose.

Still don't think it odd, though. It's kept at her house because she's a mum, and he only left home pretty recently.

Caterina99 · 27/09/2015 23:25

Not weird! My dh is 30, left home at 18, with me for 10 years, married for 5 and we have a ds. His mum still does this.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/09/2015 23:35

Don't read anything into it. I keep spare bits of clothing for my sons. I've also got a few tampons and pads for my DiL as well as a clean spare nightie. No specific clothing yet, although I know the few things of mine she could pop on if need be. It doesn't mean anything other than that I like to feel as if I'm looking out for them (without them realizing it). We mums are like that. Remember that it means that she'll likely look out for you, too, if you marry her son.

Now, if you find one way train fare from yours to hers in an envelope stashed in those pants, then you can worry.

CurlyBlueberry · 28/09/2015 00:09

Not weird. My MIL couldn't wait to clear out my husband's childhood room when he left... that I found a bit weird, to be honest. (She keeps it for "guests"... but rarely if ever has overnight guests!)

I'm 27 and keep a full set of clothes at my mum's plus clothes, toys and nappies for my two children. We do visit regularly though and I cannot be arsed with lugging clothes plus all the other paraphernalia.

Cookingongas · 28/09/2015 00:16

18 months?!? You're over reacting. He's still a tenant in principle IMO.

My mil is the type who got rid of her ds, and immediately renovated his room, threw away his stuff etc- for a guest room. Where dh and I are, and have ever been, the only guests.

My dps have all my shit from years ago and I am confident my mam could rustle up a brand new pair of knickers in my size should I arrive impromptu. Or my sisters size. Or my brothers. This, I suspect, is the reason we each receive numerous pairs of underwear ( strictly cotton) every year for Christmas. She's just getting rid if her just in case stash year on year

sproketmx · 28/09/2015 00:33

Nah, not weird. Not when it comes to mums and their boys. My Mil has left hubby and bils room they shared as kids exactly how they left it over not a kick in the arse off 20 years ago. Jordans tits and stone roses everywhere. Now that's weird.

BondGate · 28/09/2015 00:38

I think you're overthinking it. Probably he's had a track record of turning up without enough pants, so she started doing this.

NanaNina · 28/09/2015 00:46

Definitely reading far too much into this......you need to take a reality check, and why was the OP "going through the drawers" I wonder. And NO she's not your MIL and if she ever becomes one, I hope you can stop being so negative about her.

NanaNina · 28/09/2015 00:46

NanaNina · 28/09/2015 00:47

Sorry for duplicate post.

TheLambShankRedemption · 28/09/2015 01:01

Nothing to be bothered about. Yabu

Donotknowhownottomind · 28/09/2015 04:20

Umm he left home fully 18 months ago. I just find it odd about having spare underwear - maybe she is waiting for the day he leaves me and moves back home?!

No she definitely isn't! It's not a competition between you and her and she is allowed to show care by having spare clothes for him at hers. He will always be her son.

Do you get on with her generally *OP?

BertrandRussell · 28/09/2015 06:30

"(Oh and since you refer to him as your DP not your DH she is not strictly speaking your MIL)"

What is she then? What should I call my Dp of more that 30 years' mother?

Mistigri · 28/09/2015 06:37

I suppose I'd find it slightly weird if she had bought new ones "just in case" but not if he left them there.

I'm nearly 51, left home nearly 35 years ago, and have been living in a different country to my Mum for half of that time - and I still have some bits that I keep at her house, including some clothes .

Spartans · 28/09/2015 06:39

Yabu. From your best post I think you want it to be an issue.

Mum lives 15 mins away, she has all sorts of extra stuff or me and the kids.

I go to the her caravan twice a year and she has spare tooth brushes etc incase we forget when we visit.

She is his mum, she will have been through him turning up underwear less before, in all probability.

It's nothing to do with her wanting him to move back. Why would he only need pants if he was to move back?

Triliteral · 28/09/2015 07:11

Add my Mum to the list of those who keep useful things such as toothbrushes, just in case. I don't see pants as any different. You are likely to discover you've forgotten either when you are in your pyjamas and so a rush to the shops would be a real pain. She just sounds thoughtful and organised to me.

Mehitabel6 · 28/09/2015 07:16

When your DCs are 25yrs you may understand- it is what mothers often do. I shouldn't read anything into it- a complete non issue.

Lndnmummy · 28/09/2015 07:23

Think you are overthinking this Op, she sounds kind and thoughtful.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 28/09/2015 07:25

Nah. My ds moved out 6 months ago. I still find myself throwing packs of pants and socks into the shopping for him. It's good to have spares.

BillThePony · 28/09/2015 07:33

I have spare pjs at my mums as I have forgotten mine a few times. I am 36.

Rosa · 28/09/2015 07:40

It wasn't until we married 7 years after being together that MIL gave us the rest of DH stuff. She only lived 10mins away. 8000km away in my mums house she has pants and pjmas ever since our luggage was mislaid.plus we save space in the case.

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