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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you know any morbidly obese elderly people?

90 replies

manicinsomniac · 26/09/2015 19:55

My mum is 60 and morbidly obese. Maybe super morbidly, I don't know. She has been hugely overweight my entire life but has got bigger over the past few years due to osteoarthritis meaning she doesn't walk much and possibly the death of my father (I don't ever notice any evidence of binge eating but I suppose she must do). She has high blood pressure but, afaik, no other health issues related to her weight.

But I'm still frightened. I can't recall ever seeing an old person who was very fat. My Dad died when I was 22 and I can't help being afraid I'll lose her relatively young too. I live a 4 hour drive away and every time she doesn't pick up the phone when I call I freak out. I haven't talked to her about it and probably won't - she must know her size and the risks and would probably feel worse about herself if I pointed it out.

Do you think this fear is unreasonable? Am I missing a load of very obese elderly people who are still out there living their lives?

OP posts:

fourquenelles · 26/09/2015 20:58

manic I had a BMI of over 42 and was rapidly approaching 60. My daughter bought me 12 weeks worth of Slimming World and , so far, I have lost 2 stone. Until she bought me the classes I had no idea that she was worried about my weight, I was in denial. Perhaps you could offer to take her or pay for a class or two?

SilverOldie2 · 26/09/2015 21:03

My Mum was big all her life and died when she was 94.

carabos · 26/09/2015 21:04

Dh's aunt is 70 and she's colossal. She's pretty much housebound, has diabetes and is starting to lose her toes. She's never been anything but fat. It wouldn't surprise me if she lives a good few years yet.

Original poster

manicinsomniac · 26/09/2015 21:06

Thank you all for sharing your stories and advice.

I will think about what I might be able to do to help my mum.

OP posts:

helenahandbag · 26/09/2015 21:12

Both of my grannies are less than 5' tall, obese and in their 80s. One is on blood thinners and has had a hip and knee replacement, the other is fit as a fiddle and jets off to Australia and Vegas!

Icrackedup · 26/09/2015 21:12

My gran is 88 and weighs a good 19 stones. My dad put his back out helping her out of her mobility scooter last week.

I have no idea if she has any form of Diabetes.

Mintyy · 26/09/2015 21:12

What is the definition of morbidly obese, does anyone know?

I am obese but size 16.

TattyDevine · 26/09/2015 21:13

Please do not assume that she must binge eat just because she is obese.

Not all obese people binge eat!

WorraLiberty · 26/09/2015 21:15

Mintyy

"An individual is considered morbidly obese if he or she is 100 pounds over his/her ideal body weight, has a BMI of 40 or more, or 35 or more and experiencing obesity-related health conditions, such as high blood pressure or diabetes."

Original poster

manicinsomniac · 26/09/2015 21:17

^^
I know, Tatty, but, when I see my mum, I don't see any evidence of even overeating. She doesn't have a healthy diet but it's not unhealthy either - just normal! So I guess I have assumed there must be something more to it than being sedentary. She's a size 24 and only 5'4". But maybe not, I don't know. I'm also not judging binge eating. I've done it too (I just avoided the weight gain by purging it - hardly a less disgusting or healthier choice!!)

OP posts:

ButterflyUpSoHigh · 26/09/2015 21:22

My Nan is 93 and morbidly obese. She is 4ft but like a barrel it's all belly.She lives on cream cakes and biscuits mostly.

TattyDevine · 26/09/2015 21:24

Sure, its not an unreasonable assumption I suppose. Sorry, I probably sounded snippy. I didn't mean to. I can see you are concerned.

My mum is pretty big. She's not a size 24 but she's the same hight and she's about a 20. She won't buy a 20 due to stubborness, but she really should

For what it's worth, she is in excellent health. Her cholesterol is really low. She had a load of cardio tests done when she had some problems when she walked fast, which turned out to be some kind of rareish angina that asthmatics get, and they said she had the heart/arteries of a 30 year old. Her diet is very healthy - there is a little too much of it, plus some wine (though not more than the guidelines generally), she doesn't have a sweet tooth, she is reasonably sedentary but not badly so.

I like to believe in health at any size, and whilst the statistics don't really support the idea, I think there are some overweight people who are probably healthier on the inside than skinny people - it all depends how you got fat.

I really think it has to come from them though, it is hard to motivate some people to make changes.

May she outlive us all! (well, at 60, hopefully not but you know what i mean)

TattyDevine · 26/09/2015 21:26

*height

Mintyy · 26/09/2015 21:26

If you over eat by 50 calories (1 apple) per day, you can go from 9 stone aged 18, to 28 stone aged 70.

Well, some people can. There are others who have a more accommodating metabolism who will just deal with that extra 50 calories for you. Imo.

noeffingidea · 26/09/2015 21:35

manic she probably just overeats at a steady rate. Maybe just a hundred calories a day or so ,every day. That's really just a couple of biscuits, and is how many people overeat.
The problem with obesity isn't just the lower life expectancy but the lower quality of life. Unfortunately it is associated with chronic health problems, notably diabetes type 2, and all the complications associated with that. These problems start to increase as we get older.
I would talk to your Mum, let her know that you want her to feel healthier and more active, for her own sake. After that, well you can't nag her, it's up to her.

Ta1kinPeace · 26/09/2015 21:50

Come to a poor area : you'll see lots of people like your mum.

I'm 50 so I do not think of 60 as old
but

you have to understand that she is not, and probably never has, done binge eating
all she needs to do is have one extra sugar in her tea and two extra biscuits a day, every day for 30 years to be the size she is
and as she's got bigger she's moved less so her TDEE has dropped more than it would anyway due to ageing so the weight will creep up.

You need to talk to her about your concerns
BUT
your anorexia is possibly a reaction to her obesity so she needs support other than you if she wants to learn to eat the right amount to live healthily till she is 80.

TBH purging is really bad for your long term health
so maybe you and she could look up proper nutrition together and approach the same goal of lean, mean and healthy from your opposite directions.

Discopanda · 26/09/2015 21:54

OP, my family all struggle with their weight. My nan was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes about 4 years ago and has lost so much weight due to having to cut out sugary food, she doesn't have the best diet though, not enough fruit and veg. My DM is only a few years younger than yours and is obviously obese, she's gone up and down a lot over the years but is at least a size 20 atm and I really worry about her health.

bertsdinner · 26/09/2015 22:20

My gran was big most of her life. She was a petite 4'11" and was obese.
She did diet and lost weight but put it back on, I think she struggled with her weight all her life. She used to refer to "when I was thin", but she was a size 18 at her thinnest. I don't know what size she was, but I remember her wearing huge smocks.
She died in 1992 at 67, of a huge stroke. I don't know if her weight contributed, possibly it did. She was also a smoker and had stopped taking her medication, asprin, as she thought it made her blood thin ( it did,that was the reason the Dr prescribed it).

MicronesiaIsMyHome · 26/09/2015 22:51

This thread has made me quite sad actually as my DM has been obese all my life and now at 70 is probably morbidly obese. The thing that saddens me most is that her quality of life is now so poor after a lifetime of being overweight. She has both knees replaced and one hip. She struggles to breath after walking a few steps and always needs something to lean on. Other less noticeable health problems like last winter she has a very serious chest infection and needed hospital treatment. Up until then she has always been healthy and recovered quickly from coughs and colds. It was worrying.
Around 20 years ago she became markedly larger when my DF and her got divorced. She binge ate for a number of years, then as things settled down she lost some of the weight but over the last three years she has regained everything and it has massively impacted her mobility. Sadly I often wonder how long she has left.
For myself I've been overweight all my adult life and until last year I was obese but I have seen the devastation on my DM that the weight has caused and I am slowly losing weight. I've lost 2 and a half stone this year and I am determined to keep going until I reach a healthy BMI.

I really feel for you OP because it is so difficult watch a loved one like this and after reading some of the posts on here I do think I need to be brave and talk to my DM and see what support I can offer. It is more difficult as like the OP I live a couple of hours drive away.

Shutthatdoor · 26/09/2015 22:59

I think you are right that as someone underweight you probably have fewer health issues

Being under or over weight can mean health issues. Neither extreme is good for your body.

Junosmum · 26/09/2015 23:34

My nan is 80, I have no idea how much she weighs but she very overweight. Always has been but it's got worse as sh s got older due to mobility issues. She's now in a vicious circle of being too heavy to move much, being older and having arthritis which makes moving difficult, being overweight makes the pain worse, she gains Wright coz she can't move. Eating is one of few pleasures she has left. I do worry about her. She had a mini stroke 2 years ago and did lose some weight following that but has gained it back.

ouryve · 26/09/2015 23:37

Yes, but they are in the minority. That could partly be a generational thing, though.

ouryve · 26/09/2015 23:44

though I genuinely believe I am in far less medical danger

One thing you are in much greater danger of is those fractures which can be so debilitating for any elderly person. So many elderly people seem to be doing wonderfully until they stumble and fracture a hip and then their mobility and independence can often disappear pretty much overnight.

I agree with the comment upthread of seeking to be healthy together.

Malinapalina · 26/09/2015 23:47

My grandmother was always obese, but got worse in her late sixties when she developed hip problems and an operation just made it worse.
She loved butter, cheese, cream etc. Her BP was always low, as was her cholesterol lvls. When she was in her eighties she was still very overweight, but healthy. At 87 she got ill, nothing to do with her weight. After that she slowly started losing weight, and at 88 was just skin and bone. The nurses all said that older people need a bit of extra weight, so when they get ill they have some reserves. Anyway, grandma died just before her 89th bday. Everyone is different. Not all obese people go to an early grave.

Childrenofthestones · 27/09/2015 01:05

Interesting that not one of you refer to an elderly male loved one being obese.
Fat men just don't last. Fat women on the other hand seem to be able to go on and on.
Go to any elderly sheltered housing and you will see the relatively few men still knocking around are built like retired jockeys. :-)

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