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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not allow these "friends" to use us again

81 replies

Dollymixtureyumyum · 25/09/2015 17:44

Hi long time lurker so my first post. Will keep as brief as possible
About five years ago my cousin started working for my husband and through that we became friendly with him and his girlfriend. Very close we did Christmas and birthday presents and they enjoyed coming round to us as they lived with my aunt and uncle (cousins parents).
In the years that followed we helped them out quite a bit letting them house sit when we were away so they could have some space, they came away with us on holiday and only payed for flights as they were skint. We also gave them lots of Furniture we had in storage when they did move in together. None of this we minded as we thought of them as good friends and of course family.
Two years ago we had our little boy and this corn sides with cousin and girlfriend getting new jobs, her job was amazing really fantastic earning a lot of money. We soon began to feel we where not good enough for them any more.
Plans to do things always usually fell through, a couple of times they asked us to get them tickets for things and then they could not make it. Yet on facebook they were where out her new work friends. I always had to ask for the money for these tickets that where never used.
We gave them birthday and Christmas presents one year and never even got a card. Then suddenly a post on Facebook saying they were so happy to be getting rid of crappy furniture (that we gave them) and getting new. It was also put on Facebook that she was so happy to have new friends who "knew how to live the highlife and have a good time" she also put a comment in about "it's great not be tied down with kids and be able to do stuff"
So after all this we basically cut our loses but had to put up with them ignoring us at family dos and also aunt and uncle ignoring us. It them gets back to us that they said we cut them out and thats why aunt an uncle ignored us. Luckily rest of family did not believe them and know we would not do that.
Fast forward to now and cousins girlfriend is pregnant totally unplanned. She has now started texting me wanting to meet up, I texted back congratulations but ignored the meeting up part.
Then my mum gets a phone call from my aunty begging me to meet up with girlfriend as she does not know anyone with kids and none of her workfriends have kids and now she feels we would have more in common again. My mum incidentally says if I was to meet up with the little Madame then more fool me
DH is beginning to wane and say we should see them again as afterall she is pregnant, my opinion is no way I am not getting all friendly again just to be blown off when something better comes along
Sorry for the essay

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 25/09/2015 19:35

I would just wish her well, and ignore her. She has treated you so badly, and lied about you, now she is pregnant, all her trendy friends probably do not want to know. She sounds shallow and conceited.

Starkswillriseagain · 25/09/2015 19:44

They will use and use an use again. Given how quick the Aunt jumped to giving her a chance, she's likely to be cut from the same mould. Didn't your mum tell your aunt that they'd cut you off and correct her?

You've wished her well, I'd do nothing more. I'd decline all invites and tell your aunt what actually happened,be completely honest if she pushes it. Otherwise in a year you'll having being coerced handed over all your baby things and be seeing posts on facebook about them meeting up with all their new baby-having friends and getting nice new non second hand baby things.

roundaboutthetown · 25/09/2015 20:17

I wouldn't be making any effort to get in touch, tbh. It is 100% predictable that you would be dropped again without a word of thanks once she'd established her own circle of mum-friends and you would thus have your feelings hurt again. She clearly only wants to spend time with you when you are useful to her, so genuine friendship is out, and she is of no use to you.

HortonWho · 25/09/2015 20:37

I wouldn't be polite, as she will launch into wanting your baby stuff and corner you into a vague maybe. The maybe will then be pounced on by your aunt and you will be pestered and told you let them down after promising all your stuff... And once again will be portrayed as the bad guy to extended family.

I'd even sneer back to your aunt with a "Why, she wants my baby stuff so she can then ridicule it on FB like we did with the furniture we gifted them?"

lotsoffunandgames · 25/09/2015 20:44

I would just say you have lent most your baby stuff to a friend so sorry about that but you can buy lots second hand if you are on a budget.

DixieNormas · 25/09/2015 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ohfourfoxache · 25/09/2015 20:45

Good god no, don't be suckered back in

Orangeisthenewbanana · 25/09/2015 20:49

Yy to Horton. If they do ask you for anything, just say you're terribly sorry but you lent it to someone else. You didn't think they'd be interested in crappy second hand baby things as they obviously prefer newly bought stuff

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 25/09/2015 20:52

Send a message back that you're delighted not to be bogged down with newborns at the moment, that your DC will be starting nursery soon (if not already), you're busy with your own friends and enjoying the freedom, and you feel sorry for the girlfriend not having any friends but you're sure she'll find other new mums who will have much more in common with her than you do.

Then post something on FB about people crawling out of the woodwork when they want something .

or...Tell your DH he can meet them if he wants but you're busy with your own friends and life. Tell the aunt that your DH would love to play badminton with cousin again, and as gf is going to be stuck at home with the baby and you're out with your friends, it would be lovely for the men to have something to do.

Or just ignore and get on with your own life, murmuring "sure, maybe after Christmas? So booked up till then" to the aunt...

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 25/09/2015 21:10

Love your post Jeffrey !

magoria · 25/09/2015 21:10

My very first thought on reading the opening post is what lovely baby stuff is going spare?

What some others have said if your H wants to meet up he is more than welcome but you are not interested.

MySordidCakeSecret · 25/09/2015 21:16

steer clear op.

SellMySoulForSomeSleep · 25/09/2015 21:22

I'm going to use my best english for this... Fuck that shit!
YANBU.

DinosaursRoar · 25/09/2015 21:40

Be busy, after the baby has arrived and she's made some NCT friends, friends at babygroups, she'll probably dump you again.

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 25/09/2015 22:17

Thanks for all advice and I will def not be renewing our friendship.
Also yes my mum has told my aunt the truth but aunt just said it was us constantly cancelling on them because I had had seizures (twice it was during the whole time we where friendly with them)

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 25/09/2015 22:22

Could you not have just planned your seizures around their schedule?

They sound utterly hideous. It'd be a cold day in hell if you were to ever have anything to do with them again.

Starkswillriseagain · 25/09/2015 22:25

Sounds like your aunt is just like them. Best to avoid them all.

Manamanah · 25/09/2015 22:25

3 pages amd nobody's picking up on corn sides?

TendonQueen · 25/09/2015 22:28

Yes, how dare you not be fine to party after having a seizure? Don't you have any consideration?

They're after baby stuff, extra help with childcare, or whatever else might be in it for them. Ignore.

goldiesoxx · 25/09/2015 22:44

I'm epileptic and if my friends/family dumped me because I had cancelled due to a seizure I'd be furious. Although I think it's just a bloody appalling excuse and they are users. Stay clear of them.

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 25/09/2015 22:56

I have just seen the corn sides on my post lol. Also love Jeffrey's post I may well borrow some of the ideas
Yep none of my other friends bother when I have to cancel stuff dues to seizures and are really understanding.
I have tried to plan my seizures around people, funny enough though has not worked yet

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 25/09/2015 23:08

Sounds to me as if their fun-loving, child-free, high-flying, posh friends have dumped them now that they'll be tied down. Awww, diddums.

Nope, be polite but distant when you see them.

starlight2007 · 25/09/2015 23:12

You could always tell her ..You can't book anything in as you are unsure when you will have a seizure and wouldn't want to have to cancel.

But yes I thought baby stuff when I read it. I am not confrontational so would probably take the ignore the meet up txts and just vague responses

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/09/2015 07:55

Your Aunts shown her true colours hasn't she?. Twice isn't constantly.

They probably want a break from the gf because she's driving them nuts.

Witchend · 26/09/2015 08:13

Baby stuff and baby sitting is what they're after. Possibly looking after baby for free naturally after she's returned to work.

We have relative like that. Never heard from them except when they somehow thought it was necessary to let us know they were going for "holiday which has cost such a lot of money, don't you wish you could do holidays like that? Thought we better let you know in case you wanted to contact us while we were away".

Then they had baby and we only heard from them as a demand "baby needs this you need to bring it over today"
Unfortunately anything they asked for was already lent out.

Then came the classic moment where they told us "so many people round us are working class, and working class only babysit for family".
So they thought we might like to share babysitting.
Dh pointed out that firstly we have a number of people who are always happy to babysit for us so we'd never ask them and secondly there would be no way we'd drive 40minutes over to theirs to babysit.
I'd have liked to add that they'd shown no inclination to take any of ours in the 10 years between us having our first and they having one, plus if try couldn't find anyone to babysit ot might be better to look at their attitudes than blame other people's imaginary class issues.
I didn't, but I thought it.

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