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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not allow these "friends" to use us again

81 replies

Dollymixtureyumyum · 25/09/2015 17:44

Hi long time lurker so my first post. Will keep as brief as possible
About five years ago my cousin started working for my husband and through that we became friendly with him and his girlfriend. Very close we did Christmas and birthday presents and they enjoyed coming round to us as they lived with my aunt and uncle (cousins parents).
In the years that followed we helped them out quite a bit letting them house sit when we were away so they could have some space, they came away with us on holiday and only payed for flights as they were skint. We also gave them lots of Furniture we had in storage when they did move in together. None of this we minded as we thought of them as good friends and of course family.
Two years ago we had our little boy and this corn sides with cousin and girlfriend getting new jobs, her job was amazing really fantastic earning a lot of money. We soon began to feel we where not good enough for them any more.
Plans to do things always usually fell through, a couple of times they asked us to get them tickets for things and then they could not make it. Yet on facebook they were where out her new work friends. I always had to ask for the money for these tickets that where never used.
We gave them birthday and Christmas presents one year and never even got a card. Then suddenly a post on Facebook saying they were so happy to be getting rid of crappy furniture (that we gave them) and getting new. It was also put on Facebook that she was so happy to have new friends who "knew how to live the highlife and have a good time" she also put a comment in about "it's great not be tied down with kids and be able to do stuff"
So after all this we basically cut our loses but had to put up with them ignoring us at family dos and also aunt and uncle ignoring us. It them gets back to us that they said we cut them out and thats why aunt an uncle ignored us. Luckily rest of family did not believe them and know we would not do that.
Fast forward to now and cousins girlfriend is pregnant totally unplanned. She has now started texting me wanting to meet up, I texted back congratulations but ignored the meeting up part.
Then my mum gets a phone call from my aunty begging me to meet up with girlfriend as she does not know anyone with kids and none of her workfriends have kids and now she feels we would have more in common again. My mum incidentally says if I was to meet up with the little Madame then more fool me
DH is beginning to wane and say we should see them again as afterall she is pregnant, my opinion is no way I am not getting all friendly again just to be blown off when something better comes along
Sorry for the essay

OP posts:

glasgowlass · 25/09/2015 18:15

Everything Imperial said!
Keep your distance & don't let these users back into your life the way they were. Be prepared for PA FB statuses too.

redskybynight · 25/09/2015 18:17

Is there any chance you became the sort of parents that can't see beyond their children once you had your DC? Maybe they just felt they had nothing in common with them anymore - but now they have a baby on the way they want to speak to someone who's gone through it? I've certainly gone through several similar relationships with friends (both those who had DC before me, and those who had them after). It's hard to stay friends with folks when your priorities are different.

Personally I'd be the bigger person and at least meet up once.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 25/09/2015 18:17

Then my mum gets a phone call from my aunty begging me to meet up with girlfriend as she does not know anyone with kids and none of her workfriends have kids and now she feels we would have more in common again.

She is not even disguising the fact that she is using you-'I need a Mum friend, you'll do'. Forget it.

rollonthesummer · 25/09/2015 18:23

This is the same auntie who completely ignored you?!

CloakAndJagger · 25/09/2015 18:23

My first thought was that they were after your baby stuff too! They dumped you. Fuck em.

lostInTheWash · 25/09/2015 18:24

Ask your mum to go on about how busy you all are if she receives any more phone calls like that and keep your distance.

I expect it is the baby stuff.

I came under huge family pressure to give the things we were saving for next DC to pg family member. I ended up feeling I had lend a few bits- and that was stressed it was lend and we wanted things back for next baby.

Anyway when I was pg with next DC - this previously pg family member got busy suddenly selling all the baby things she had including our lent stuff. We were offed nothing - free or at reduced rate or even market rate and saw none of the money. That rankled a bit.

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 25/09/2015 18:28

Yep the same aunty- cousins mum.
I wondered if we became to self absorbed when we had DS but I have asked some of my other child free friends and they say we haven't. In fact one says she sees more of me now than before.
As I said the only time we cancelled on them was twice after I had a seizure.

OP posts:

Original poster

Dollymixtureyumyum · 25/09/2015 18:30

Just kind of wish they were not family, would be so much easier as just would not have to see them again.

OP posts:

VimFuego101 · 25/09/2015 18:30

I also thought they were fishing for baby shower presents and loans of baby stuff. Clearly cynical minds think alike!

RaspberryOverload · 25/09/2015 18:38

OP, whatever she's after, it's certainly to use you for something, so another vote for keepng your distance.

StillFrankie · 25/09/2015 18:42

tell her if she wants advice, to go to MN

Grapejuicerocks · 25/09/2015 18:42

It boils down to "do you want to?"

I don't think I would want to though.

CloakAndJagger · 25/09/2015 18:46

Sod that, stillfrankie send her to netmums

MintyChops · 25/09/2015 18:48

I like the sound of your mum! Don't, for God's sake, get involved with them again. They sound awful.

Fluffycloudland77 · 25/09/2015 18:52

My first thought was "she wants free nursery stuff" so I'm glad others said it too.

Refuse or you'll get guilted into furnishing her nursery then she'll sell it on when she's finished with it.

They aren't your friends.

JimmyChoosChimichanga · 25/09/2015 18:57

Send her to Netmums

Doublebubblebubble · 25/09/2015 18:59

I wouldn't - I would also say they are after nursery stuff. You know what they're like already - don't get sucked in again. As for the pregnancy -shes made her bed now she has to lie in it...

Good luck op x

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/09/2015 19:00

I did consider that if you had become exhausted by absorbed in your new baby, maybe they had stepped back because they felt they were at a different life stage and no longer had anything in common with you. That could account for the passive-aggressive FB post, "it's great not be tied down with kids and be able to do stuff". (And seriously, who posts like that? To what audience? Besides to you and your DH, that is.)

But, but, but ...

No way can that account for the other FB stuff, 'that she was so happy to have new friends who "knew how to live the highlife and have a good time"'. Which is not only passive-aggressive, but hugely shallow.

They've gone from skint for years to "getting new jobs, her job was amazing really fantastic earning a lot of money. We soon began to feel we where not good enough for them any more." So yes, shallow and had their heads turned by their new wealth. Your cousin used to work for your DH. Are they shallow enough to think that since they now earn more, DH must have being underpaying him? Not saying he did, just trying to find any reason they would imagine up for themselves to justify "ignoring us at family dos and also aunt and uncle ignoring us."

You're doing the right thing to give them a wide berth now - as has already been covered, she'll drop you the instant she can, and she wants your baby stuff. As for your aunt, it sounds like your mother will have no hesitation in sorting her out. They are users who are now facing the consequences of their actions.

SoleBizzzz · 25/09/2015 19:00

Your Mum is correct, listen to her.

PlopsyWhopsy · 25/09/2015 19:09

Thoughts here also they want your baby stuff, and she'll soon find posh NCT friends and you'll never see her again.

DisappointedOne · 25/09/2015 19:20

I wouldn't go near them with a shitty stick.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 25/09/2015 19:21

Interesting that aunt is pressurising your mother. Which means that neither cousin nor SIL is sufficiently bothered to contact you directly with this needfound desire to hang out with you. I think that fact alone tells you all you need to know.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 25/09/2015 19:22

Sorry GF, not SIL. And newfound. I've no idea what 'needfound' is, though perhaps it does fit here.

Cherrybakewells1 · 25/09/2015 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jennyblonde82 · 25/09/2015 19:30

Definitely don't meet up with her. she sounds like a complete pain. She's either an idiot or a cow for posting such stupid stuff on Facebook when she knows you are friends. You're well rid.

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