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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend's reason for cancelling is very rude

77 replies

Nothavingfunrightnow · 24/09/2015 14:00

We made plans about 6 weeks ago to get together this weekend. Friend called to say that her DH had invited friends over that night so she has to cancel our plans. Her DH's plans were made after ours. The invited friends are not traveling from abroad - they live locally.

Is it not rude of her to blow me out because her H has made other plans?

Then again, I suppose if she wanted to see me, should could have told him she had plans??

or AIBU?

OP posts:
stupidgreatgrinonmyface · 27/09/2015 10:00

Birdfromblighty Thu 24-Sep-15 14:57:34
Well we seethed quietly for some time, and then they phoned and asked DH to help with some decorating ( the brass neck of them)! DH said he would have done but we had friends to see and that would be a much better time. I don't think BiL got it.

I would have said something along the lines of: 'remember that time you cancelled a Thank You meal you had booked with us, in favour of a better night with friends? Ask them.

I have always taken the view that first invite/commitment takes precedence unless very exceptional circumstances. friends response would have annoyed me - up to that point I may have been able to accept that she was railroaded into something by her H. The LOL would tell me otherwise.

clam · 27/09/2015 10:11

I think I would have just texted back a simple, "Lol??"

And let her think for a little as to whether I was querying her use of an expression that children use, or questioning that she clearly considered her blowing me out was amusing.

lorelei9 · 27/09/2015 10:34

ah, another thread on such a topic

it's a basic thing, keeping arrangements. Yes, stuff comes up, but people who apparently can't keep a diary can jog on.

Sorry OP.

LindyHemming · 27/09/2015 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ssd · 27/09/2015 10:49

I must be a right bitter cow, I prefer playing the long game and getting my own back..

I have situation just now where a "friend" has cancelled me the last 3 or 4 times and its pissed me off and hurt me. But I let it go and chalked it up to experience. Now said "friend" is at a loose end in a few weeks time and wants to meet me, bombarding me with texts about where and when, so she doesn't need to hang out herself. I've made arrangements to meet her and I'm not going, I'll do what she does to me and text at the last minute some crap excuse (usually with LOL at the end, too..).

Karma's a bitch and all that...

JimmyGreavesMoustache · 27/09/2015 10:51

YNABU - this is pretty crap

i have a flakey friend who will cancel things at the drop of a hat

the one that really stuck in my throat was when I was working, looking after a toddler and pregnant. I'd travelled 200 miles to my hometown where she still lived to catch up with people and she wimped out of a Saturday lunch date because she was too tired from the working week.

she has some lovely qualities and I'd never want to lose her as a friend, but since then I've a) stopped making arrangements specifically to see her - I only see her when other friends have already confirmed, and b) stopped sending "that's ok love" type texts when she cancels, as it's really not ok.

2rebecca · 27/09/2015 15:24

I can't be bothered playing games with people. I would either take the hint that it's the friend equivalent of "he's not that in to you" and stop arranging to meet her or would tell her I can't be bothered with her flakiness and won't be wasting my time arranging to meet her again.
I suspect i'd reply to the "lol" with "I didn't find it funny but take the hint that you're not as bothered about meeting me as your husband was about meeting his friend"
Have never had a friend do this so suspect I'm just fussier about my friends.

Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 20/03/2016 12:32

Apologies for resurrecting my own Zombie Thread, but i had not realised that there were more replies!

I have not seen said Friend since and I have no intentions of initiating contact either. If i see her out and about I will say hello etc but no, I am not making plans to catch up with her again. I have such little time on my own, being a single parent, that I don't want to waste my precious time without my child on being stood up!

Thanks, everyone.

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 20/03/2016 13:11

well that's very sensible of you

people are like this are total utter time wasters

tbh someone saying to me "I'm just useless" would have made me drop them even when I was a teen. It's just pants.

what about your friend who double booked a lot, are you still friends with her?

TooAswellAlso · 20/03/2016 13:14

She was rude.

I had a friend cancel six week long plans for Sunday lunch once

Because she decided she'd rather go out and get hammered the night before and couldn't be bothered to see me hungover.

At least she cancelled before hand but still haven't bothered rearranging with her since

Yanbu

Realfootyfan · 20/03/2016 13:38

I've had 'friends' like this in the past. So satisfying when you stop bothering with them. Deffo the lol would have incensed me. I've found that freeing up the energy/time I used to spend on them has enabled me to meet other people who are much better friends. Wonder if she'll try and contact you one day if things go south in her life. Hope you stay firm.

Flowers
Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 20/03/2016 13:38

No, Lorelei9. The two of them are very close so they see each other all the time. I have not bothered with either of them.

Time has come to move on.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 20/03/2016 13:39

wow! so she hasn't contacted you for 6 months?

who would normally have initiated contact?

def good riddance and now you have headspace to find better friends. hurts though doesn't it Flowers

sleeponeday · 20/03/2016 13:44

Good for you, OP. That's a crappy thing to do to anyone, let alone a supposed friend going through a marriage breakup. You do not need it.

Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 20/03/2016 13:45

Nope. No contact other than a "like" on fb.

With the "double booking" part of the duo, she would initiate contact then cancel at the last minute. With Ms "Lol!" it would be either of us that initiated contact.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/03/2016 13:47

hw are you doing after the break up of your relationship ?

lorelei9 · 20/03/2016 13:49

nothaving "The two of them are very close so they see each other all the time."

ah, yes, best for the flakes to stick together, they don't mind each other's methods!

I knew someone who would initiate then cancel. I think she did it to be seen to be making an effort.

Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 20/03/2016 13:56

Hi, Anyfucker. I'm okay, thanks. Good days and bad days but I have no regrets. The hardest part is being a lone parent, even though DS sees his dad a lot. The main decisions are mine, the maintenance I get is pathetic and I am constantly playing Bad Cop to Dad's Fun Days Out.

Thanks for asking.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/03/2016 13:58

I am glad you have no regrets. The rest sounds like fairly standard shit sandwiches when you break up with a bit of a dick Flowers

MrRochestersDog · 20/03/2016 14:04

Flowers doesn't sound like much of a friend.

JolseBaby · 20/03/2016 14:16

Last step is to defriend on FB - go on, do it!

MoonfaceAndSilky · 20/03/2016 14:35

No contact in 6 months, when she knew you were going through a rough patch - what a cow Angry
I agree with Jolse - defriend her on FB that'll learn her

CakeNinja · 20/03/2016 14:36

Oh god, she sounds like a proper flake, I couldn't have left it like that either, I'd have had to get one last text in .

I do have a friend who does things similar to this, although she wouldn't do it if she was due to something on a one on one term, more like if there was a group going out and she would say at the last minute that her DH had booked them to do something else. However he is a bully, takes drugs ether her knowing, and is a real control freak. Which I only know about by chance.
We went out last week and had a few drinks with another very close friend of ours. He was calling her a pisshead with a jokey face on our photo she put on a Facebook but in reality i know she would have put up with a lot of shit from his over the next few days about her rare night out without him.

However, you're quite sure that this isn't the case here, in which case you're better off without her. Glad to see you're doing okay Flowers

BreatheandFlyAway · 20/03/2016 14:58

I had an old friend like this - would initiate repeatedly, then cancel - even got her younger sister to call me to cancel. It was so irritating, especially when little sis implied ex friend was kind of busy, so maybe not the best time for me to be pushing plans on her? She seemed surprised when I snapped that ex friend had initiated. Needless to say this friend is off the agenda. She still keeps sending me Xmas cards along the lines of "I'm so flaky, really must make a date to get us together"! Yeah, throw me a bone love, no thanks Grin.

Original poster
Nothavingfunrightnow · 20/03/2016 15:24

I saw Ms Lol's DH at the grocery shop now. But he very obviously avoided seeing me and I did not bother saying a jolly hello to him.

Sounds childish of me, but fuck it. If they wanted to continue a friendship with me, they could. It's not as if I have declined the offer!

CakeNinja, your poor friend is in a completely different set up. That's awful.

OP posts: