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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that an hour late is taking the piss?

99 replies

CloakAndJagger · 24/09/2015 11:57

So, how long would you wait to meet someone before you gave up?

Arranged to meet a friend at 11am. They're always a bit late, so I got here for 11 rather than earlier.

At 11:20 they text to say they were on their way. They live 10 mins from where we were meeting. It's now nearly 12 and they're not here yet. I only put 2 hours on the parking, so have about 50 mins before I gphave to get back to the car.

How long would you wait before giving in?
What's the longest you've waited for someone?

OP posts:
YetAnotherUserName · 25/09/2015 08:26

hebihebi that's very bad!

In the spirit of sharing, we offered to host Christmas lunch one year for some relatives. Made sure they knew what time roughly we'd be having lunch ('cause it all takes so bloody long to cook etc.). They turned up 2 hours late. With not an excuse or reason. Needless to say, lunch was eventually eaten in frosty atmosphere. They've not been invited again...

PressTheAButton · 25/09/2015 08:31

I have a friend like this. She has no 'excuse', is aware she does it and is aware I don't like it. We are good friends. We both live minutes from the centre of our town.

I either tell her to text me when she has arrived at the coffee shop or I pick her up from her house or I invite her to mine. I never arrange to meet her at a specific time as she doesn't seem capable of getting there at the correct time.

I'm almost never late.

YouTheCat · 25/09/2015 08:46

If I managed to not be late with twins, then I expect others to be able to manage it too (barring the odd exceptional circumstance). I'd know what time we needed to leave by and then plan accordingly and always leave myself 15 minutes extra in case of nappies needing changed. It's not rocket science.

I am usually early. If I'm meeting someone, it's often somewhere with plenty of shops so I can always have a mooch about until it's time to meet up. I don't think I have any friends who are often late. I have a colleague who is and is treated like a special snowflake despite being nearly 30, with no kids to get ready and it drives me up the wall.

MeeWhoo · 25/09/2015 08:50

Just wanted to comment on the Spanish thing as well. Yes, Spaniards are more relaxed as far as timekeeping is concerned, but there are still rules (just different to the British ones) and being 1 hour late "just because" is still rude in Spain, so if a compatriot of mine is trying to tell you this is fine you have my permission to tell them to FTFO. Grin

MissEeerie · 25/09/2015 09:47

I have a friend like this. She text me at 6pm Christmas Eve to say she was dropping round in an hour. Heard nothing and text her her at 10pm to say we were going to bed, catch up after christmas etc. She showed up at my doors at 12:45am and wondered why I was pissed that she woke us all up knocking. Her poor kids were sat in the car! She once threw a kids party with a time of 4:30-6:30. She buggered off home with her family to get ready at 4:15 leaving me greeting a load of strangers. Party eventually started at 6. In all other ways, she's a wonderful person though so I do love her!

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 25/09/2015 12:04

In the spirit of sharing, we offered to host Christmas lunch one year for some relatives. Made sure they knew what time roughly we'd be having lunch ('cause it all takes so bloody long to cook etc.). They turned up 2 hours late. With not an excuse or reason. Needless to say, lunch was eventually eaten in frosty atmosphere. They've not been invited again...

they would have been eating it re-heated in our house.

CrapBag · 25/09/2015 12:13

I hate it when people are constantly late. It really really is NOT a difficult concept to get yourself to somewhere at a specified time. I am assuming that all these late people manage to be on time for work, flights, doctors, dentist, hospital appointments so no bloody excuse other than 'I am a damn sight more important than you and you will wait for me to stroll up when I feel like it'. (Genuine reasons excused of course, chronically late people for everything social are not).

SargeantAngua · 25/09/2015 12:19

Re people who are late for social stuff but can manage work, appointments etc, not always! My PhD supervisor was awful at timekeeping in and out of work. His hairdresser used to make an appointment with him but actually book him in for a later slot...

Muckogy · 25/09/2015 14:22

YANBU.
i hate lateness. this is disrespect and selfishness from your friend.
i wouldn't bother with her again.

CremeEggThief · 25/09/2015 14:34

One of my pals used to show up for the last class of the day in secondary school, so about 3.15, with a note from her mother, saying she slept in!Grin

CremeEggThief · 25/09/2015 14:34

A whole new meaning to the phrase, "Better late than never".

teawamutu · 25/09/2015 18:02

The laties really are leaving it, er, late on this one Grin

Thread has reminded me of a chronically late ex. Would never leave till the point at which we were due to be somewhere, regardless of travel time. Drove me mad. I did onceput my foot down and say if he wasn't at mine at a certain time I would (a) leave without him and (b) fall out with him quite badly. I still remember his expression when he turned up ('only' ten minutes late) to find me still in bed because we didn't need to go for another hour. He was absolutely furious. It's a fond memory.

It made more sense when I got to know his family. I adored them all, but you'd turn up at 7pm for dinner and not eat till ten (pissed, in my case; his dad poured a v strong G&T). I once chucked some pasta together for a quick lunch and they were all literally flabbergasted that I'd produced a meal in only 20 minutes. I still miss them (him not so much).

Twinkie1 · 25/09/2015 18:04

Did you reply to first text? I would have just left and denied receiving the text.

Lateness if fucking rude.

confusedandemployed · 25/09/2015 18:23

I have a friend who's always late. She definitely doesn't think her time is more valuable than mine; she is just incredibly disorganised. Everything is always done last minute and with the minimum of effort because by the time she gets round to doing stuff she only has the bare minimum of time to do them in.

Aside from that she is absolutely lovely and, I think, pretty stressed with life at the mo. I would never consider not waiting for her.

However I'm always dead on time so I don't think I'd wait for many more people.

BTW does anyone else who's an early-ite have a DP who's a latie? Mine seems to think it's fine to turn up late to everything. Sets my bloody teeth on edge.

Stillwishihadabs · 25/09/2015 18:43

I love these threads. I am an earlite dh is a boderline latie, my dsis is on a whole other page. It is absolutely about having a realistic idea of how long things are going to take and how long it takes to get places.Plus I always add 10 minutes for contingency. Dsis and Dh can never believe how.early I start getting ready (dsis) or get up in the morning (dh). I have kind of come to the end of the line with dsis though she is anything from 1 hour to 4 hours late and never tells you till 10 minutes before the meeting time.

NinjaLeprechaun · 25/09/2015 19:11

"does anyone have problems with people who always turn up early?I find this just as rude!"
My ex used to do this. If he was less than 15 minutes early he thought of it as running late.

He would then get pissed off if the other person did not also arrive early.

In my experience, people who insist on being early often also spend the entire time you're with them worrying about when they're going to leave - which is also the height of rudeness.

LyndaNotLinda · 25/09/2015 19:16

My rule is always (has been for years and I tell my friends) is that I wait 30 minutes and no more unless there are hugely extenuating circumstances.

I have a very good friend who always used to be extremely late but she isn't any more. If you don't put boundaries on with people who don't plan their time properly, they'll carry on taking the piss.

PressTheAButton · 25/09/2015 19:52

what I don't understand about my late friend is why she can't, at least, text me to let me know.

We have family who are from a particular country Hmm I'll say no more
They really don't care f they are late even though they realise it's rude. They are always apologetic but are always late. The whole bloody lot of them Shock

The secret is to not worry about it. There is zero chance of changing their behaviour so we manage it by doing our own thing and if they join us that's great but if they don't then so be it. We will tell them that we are going out to eat and that we will be at the restaurant at a specific time and that they are welcome to join us there. Then we just get on with it.

Original poster
CloakAndJagger · 26/09/2015 11:46

Just to update. When my friend finally arrived, she claimed that she'd been waiting outside the coffee shop waiting for me since about 25 to, and I should've messaged her to say that I was already inside. Hmm

I said that since I'd been there since 11, when we were meant to meet, I figured she'd have come in to look, but she didn't want to miss me, apparently.

I was pretty naffed off. Being an hour late is one thing, making it into my fault is completely another. Who the hell wouldn't have looked into the shop to see if the person they were late meeting was there already? What would've happened if she'd not decided, after waiting 25mins according to her, to actually come in.

I didn't actually believe her. I was only two tables in from the front window and I reckon I'd have spotted her waiting outside, since I was actually, you know, waiting for her.

So that's it now. I'm only going to meet up with her if I have something to do in her town so I'm not going specifically just for her. She's lovely in a lot of ways, but I CBA to wait any more.

OP posts:
HarrietVane99 · 26/09/2015 11:59

Why couldn't she have called or texted to say 'I'm here, where are you?' That's what my friends and I do if we get to the meeting place and can't immediately see the other person.

I have a friend who I now always arrange to meet in a cafe, as I've spent a lot of time hanging around outside shops for her. Then I'll be expecting to meet her for lunch, and she'll turn up late having already eaten, but I haven't eaten because I was waiting for her. So I'm hungry but she doesn't want to have the meal that we'd arranged to meet for....

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 26/09/2015 12:56

Excuses are just that. In this case she was already 20 mins late when she text you, so her excuses are irrelevant. She clearly knew it was her fault for being late but was clutching at an excuse to try and deflect the attention from her and put the blame onto you. She's no friend.

CakeNinja · 26/09/2015 13:20

She's obviously bullshitting you about being stood outside.
First thing you'd do would be to text/phone saying you were stood outside.
And did she actually expect you to be just standing outside for half an hour, just loitering and waiting?
She sounds like a selfish cow.

YouTheCat · 26/09/2015 15:03

I wouldn't even bother seeing her at all. She sounds awful.

HermioneWeasley · 26/09/2015 15:05

She sounds hard work. Is she worth it?

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