signed off work

[wtfisgoingonhere]

I've been off work for 2 1/2 weeks with depression.
Background is I've been on and off a/d for several years, dp is going through an ET with former employer (I'm representing him) and currently unable to work due to this causing bad anxiety and depression, had a lot of pressure at work and it finally got too much for me to deal with and I took day off then went to doc who signed me off

Sick note expires tomorrow and returning to see doctor in the morning (on his advice) to review situation

I have been feeling somewhat better, not done much but rested and focused on some hobbies /planning and finalising plans for my sister's hen do but still don't feel 'right'.
I'm still not interested in a lot of things, eating poorly and not exercising despite knowing it's for the best.

I'm already worried as went to a preplanned weekend /night out last weekend with my sister for her birthday and whilst the pictures told a different story, and it was fun, it was also difficult and really tired me out

My concern/aibu is this :
If doctor signs me off for another week that on Thursday (a week today) I go away for my sisters hen do. It's 3 nights away in Europe and (understandably ) she will be 'checking in' and sharing pics on facebook especially as she asked me to arrange a complete surprise do for her, and I worry how this will 'appear' regarding work.

Fwiw me and my sister are extremely close, the hen has been planned for almost a year, and I do have (limited) colleagues as friends on Facebook

I guess I'm worried as I don't feel up to going back to work yet but at the same time on a good day I feel guilty being off

Wwyd

Good post

So are we suggesting that because other people are ill-informed and might get the wrong idea the OP should modify her behaviour. Even though her, presumably experienced, GP thinks it will be good for her recovery.

I can't help thinking that if we applied that logic to anything else on MN all hell would break loose.

There's a world of difference between a weekend in a Spa and being fit enough to go back to work.

I think the op should choose her social events wisely. Not go on anything that could be perceived as a big booze up even if it's not. I also think she needs to prioritise paid employment over some of her non work commitments

Someone further up the thread said she needs to prioritise her me talking health o er her work and I agree. But I'm looking at it from the long term. If there is any trouble at work (either official or gossipy) because of this sort of thing, I don't think that's going to help her settle back into work happily.

So people with mental health issues should go to work and do nothing else as if they get stressed by anything outside work they should not be doing it .

So if you a beheavement in life you still go to work.
Your partner leaves you you still go to work
You have PND you still go to work.
You have PTSD you still go work.
Your kids get really really sick you still go to work.

Some people think they are Dr on this thread

No that's not what I said at all, you are extrapolating to the extremes which is unfair
Op has said she is representing her dh at an employment tribunal which us adding to her stress. She can't work (presumably similar to the sort of role she is performing in the employment teibunal) because she is stressed.
Do you really see nothing wrong with that?

And no I am not a doctor. But I am a line manager.

I suffer from depression OP and I think that you might be okay with the hen night on it's own. Lock down your facebook so nothing appears on your timeline and people can't tag you in photos. Make sure that the friends settings for each individual are such that they can't see anything you are posting or posted about you. If your work do find out that you have been away I think you would be able to make fairly reasonable article that for you it was just a quiet few days away from the stresses at home and it assisted with your recovery.

The thing I think may possibly be the bigger problem (don't think anybody has picked up on this yet) is the fact you are representing your OH in an ET. That is work, even if you are not being paid for it you are doing a job of work and TBH, if your work get wind that you are doing that while off sick you would be straight out the door with very few questions asked. Also if it comes to the point where they are corresponding with your doctor asking for medical reports etc and it comes up in that you may well find yourself in hot water. I'm afraid I think that in a case where someone is off sick because of the stress caused by another unpaid job they are doing and are continuing to do that job whilst not going into the paid one then, yes, your work have every right to question what you are doing. Particularly as you are continuing to do the thing which you say is causing a lot of the stress which is making you unwell in the first place.

Bearing that in mind I would think very carefully about going on the trip if you want to continue to represent your OH. I think that representing him on his own puts you in a fairly dicey position with your work re your capability to actually do work on his case but not for them. If that's the case and on top of that they find out not only have you been working on OHs case but also going on holiday then you are fucked. Sorry, no nice way to put it. But I really cannot see any reasonable workplace putting up with an employee who is supposed to be sick doing unpaid work elsewhere AND going on holiday.

Good point.

A chap at my work was fired for working when off sick. I can't remember, it might have been voluntary, but his excuse that his job here was stressful but working in a kitchen wasn't didn't fly with management.

I don't live my life worrying constantly about what other people think but I would worry about this if I were in the OP's shoes. I would worry if I had a physical illness and I was going away, so it's not the mental aspect.

I'm not unsympathetic. I've been mentally ill, I've cared for someone who is mentally ill and I work with people who are mentally ill. Due to the nature of my job, you're in the minority if you haven't been off with stress or depression! I do think OP should consider how it will be perceived to others. Yes, people are small minded but I'm not convinced that they'd be wrong to judge in this case.

Quite a few posts have suggested dropping the ET work, Booyaka. It does seem a bit of a contradiction to a few of us (work v ET)!

Presumably you have seen the GP now and discussed it with them. I hope you have come to a decision you are comfortable with.

Summerainbow, is that list of yours reasons why people should not be in work? My background is in HR not health but IME unless they are organising the funeral most people are in work after a bereavement. It's just setting priorities and what makes an individual unfit for work obviously depends on the individual. If you know that doing an optional activity is going to make you perform poorly at work (and you are still expecting your normal pay) then yes, an employer is not going to be happy about it.

Good grief summerainbow, what planet are you on!

Good grief summerainbow, what planet are you on!

(sorry, pressed wrong key, not sure why message shown twice above)

Yes, we do carry on with our responsibilities, it is called being an adult. I don't know anyone who would drop everything every time something bad happens. For a start, we would all be living in the street, most of us don't have a trust fund and need to work for a living. When you have several kids, you are responsible for them, and you cannot afford to take time to feel sorry for yourself!

Yes, women go to work despite feeling crippled with PDN, I have witnessed men going to work fighting PTSD. Sadly, most of us have lost a loved one, but still keep going.

Lucky you if you can take a holiday every time you feel a bit blue.

Given your partner has lost his job, can you really afford to risk yours?

Popping to the shops or school run is one thing, a hen night break is entirely another. Others are picking up your job whilst you are off, I'd imagine they would feel very cross to know you are well enough to do a birthday party, hen long weekend and a tribunal but then claim you can't work.

I think there is a huge difference between meeting up with close friends for a few hours and a hen weekend.

If you were self employed you'd be going to work and the hen do.
If you can get up and go out partying , you can get up and go out to work.

rainpouringrainbows I find your last post very offensive. I haven't read pages 2 and 3 of the thread so don't know context. On the face of it, it's bizarre and unfair to suggest that someone with reactive depression (depression in response to life circumstances - very common) is being less adult if their illness is debilitating to the point that they cannot work. On the flipside, it's judgmental and ill-informed to assume that someone who is able to work with PND is making a better moral choice than someone else who has been signed off sick with PND. In all likelihood, it boils down to one person being more sick than the other. You don't seem to realise that mental illnesses can't always be put to one side or snapped out of. Perhaps you've only come into contact with sufferers who are only mildly ill or coping well at the time?

I have spent time in a psychiatric institution. There are people there who are incredibly brave and focused but are so ill that it takes all their determination to get dressed and eat each day, never mind work. There are other people there who cannot even do that and it is nothing to do with their attitude.

OP, I'm sympathetic to your situation but I don't think you can go to the hen do if you're signed off work. It's just not on.

I was signed off twice for work related stress.
You should NOT go back to work unless you feel up to it - regardless of this hen night/event.
I would be mindful when photos are taken and either close your fb account or highest privacy. You are not expected to stay in a stare at the four walls. I really wouldn't worry about it.
I dont have a fb account and i survive. Don't be ruled by it.

Agree change your security levels on FB so colleagues cannot see.

If your Dr says you can go on the Hen Night go. He or She is the professional not your work colleagues.

If you are written off sick you cannot return to work until your Dr says you are fit to return. Your employer's insurance will not cover you if you have an accident as you are not legally supposed to be there.