Who was BU here - traffic incident

[JuanPotatoTwo]

www.maidenhead-advertiser.co.uk/News/Areas/Maidenhead/Video-captures-railway-bridge-stand-off-between-two-drivers-which-held-up-traffic-for-more-than-30-minutes-23092015.htm

I'm sorry, I haven't worked out how to embed videos yet but, in a nutshell, two drivers come face to face under a railway bridge. The woman has right of way but the man refuses to reverse - claiming he doesn’t know how! It's one of those bridges where you can't always see the traffic you're supposed to give way to until you're already part way through so he should have been prepared to reverse.

Of course, if he really can't reverse, then he shouldn't be driving so it seems like the man is totally in the wrong - but I can't help feeling sorry for him. The video is fascinating if only to see how determined they both are.

hedgehog we live near there too.

mackerel there is no way 2 cars could get through, the tunnel is too narrow.

It did get to a ridiculous stand off, both drivers should be ashamed of themselves.

Just today I got waved down by some bloke. Told me to slow down as there was a man reversing in a van. I said to him that I was perfectly safe, driving well under the limit, on my side of the road and mindful o a van reversing perfectly well on the other side, and that if I needed to stop, I could do so instantly so no need to patronise me or infantilise the driver of a van by waving at cars in traffic

You made a complete tit of yourself.

It was probably a difficult space to reverse it, and the van driver had limited vision because it's a van. Having a buddy out to check in such situations, standing behind the van is just pure good sense, for the good of the van driver and others.

You were stopped/warned because you were a bloody car coming not because you have a vagina. I'm honestly for you if you actually said ^ that...i'm surprised the bloke didn't pat you on the head and say 'mmkay dear' because it sounds like you deserved it.

I suspect the man may suffer from dementia. That would explain his behaviour and the fact that when he tried to reverse he was clearly so lacking in co-ordination that he nearly drove in to the wall. I think the woman was simply very stubborn. Both are at fault though if he does have a medical issue then that explains his behaviour though not excuses it as he definitely shouldn't be driving. He only reverses in the end due to somebody else holding the wheel straight.

Also if anybody wants to see bad (and good) reversing behaviour then take a holiday on Mull or other single track road island. You see it all - twats who accelerate PAST passing places only to come bumper to bumper with you and then glare at you whilst you reverse some miles back down to the next one, twats who ignore passing places and don't give you time to reverse back instead forging on squeezing through and endangering both cars. You will also see the locals who stop on a sixpence in the passing place, let you through and then zoom on to keep the traffic moving. I met a log transporter on the road to Iona once. He had just gone passed a passing place but had other vehicles behind him so it was down to me to reverse back a hundred yards or so with the sea on one side and a ditch on the other and the lorry creeping forward in front of me. I'd not that long passed my test and I didn't enjoy the reverse and it wasn't pretty or quick but it did the job.

I am a demon reverser and reversed out of a neighbour's long drive the other day to be told "I'm not being patronising but that is the best bit of reversing I've ever seen from a woman".

I think it's a shame that women are notorious for being poor at reversing as this older man is clearly terrible at it so it isn't a gender specific affliction Initially I would have said that she was in the right because of the right of way but he is definitely more into the tunnel. Sometimes being right doesn't mean sticking to your guns it means doing the right thing. I know why she didn't reverse, she presumably sat there believing she was in the right. But if I was her watching this video I'd wince and think, hmm maybe he had a point. He is a danger to other road users if he genuinely can't reverse and if it's a ploy it's a stupid one to delay clearing up the problem. So both are in the wrong but on balance the woman should have been the bigger person and reversed.

They were both stubborn idiots. But some of that crowd were nasty bullying misognistic bastards. Ranting, swearing , insulting, reaching into her car. Look at her body language. That isn't arrogant. That's desperately trying not to show how scared she is. Originally, she would most definitely have had the easier reverse. But by the time the video starts, she's already showing all sorts of nervous mannerisms. Which get worse as it progresses. Look at how she's contracting her body language inwards, her right hand touching her face again and again, her expressions getting less and less reactive, changing from making some eye contact to desperately trying to find a safe fixed point to stare out, clutching the wheel...

She's as shaken up as him, just trying to hide it.

maybe she'll post on mn for some 'support'? No , maybe not a good idea.

So if she was that shaken up Nocoolnames why the hell didn't she just reverse the short distance into the space behind her car and get the whole thing over with instead of sitting there refusing to move for 40 minutes?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1194742-to-make-a-little-sign-for-this-woman

I need someone to explain this tunnel to me.

If the woman has the right of way, and the man arrives at the tunnel first, gets 3/4 of the way through, then she shows up, he has to reverse to let her through because of right of way? Say he does that, and she goes through, and then he continues on, gets 1/2 way through, and another car enters the tunnel from the opposite end. He reverses and yields to that car, etc. Surely that can't be how it works. People on the man's end of the tunnel would never get to go through.

Wouldn't right of way only come into play if two people arrive at opposite ends of the tunnel at the same time? Otherwise whoever gets there first gets to go through first.

Why is everybody going on about people moaning at the woman, yet there were plenty of people doing the same to the man?
Are we only defending her?
I'm directing my anger at her not because he is a frail old man or because of society, but because he was nearly through the bloody tunnel.
She could have just let him through.
As for the comments about the mother who should be ashamed for raising a teenager who couldn't take care of herself, well that's just lovely!
We go on all the time on this site about invisible disabilities, maybe some people could remember that?

Giraffes has beaten me to it! . As much as the woman was being an arse, there was a little bit of me hoping to find a thread from her in AIBU with live updates. She also missed a trick by not nonchalantly dropping the top down on her car when the high vis man was shouting at her

but because he was nearly through the bloody tunnel.

That doesn't mean he got there first, it just means (maybe) he was driving faster than her, possibly trying to beat her through so he didn't have to wait a couple of minutes.

Which worked....

kali I think it's because of the difference in the way they were spoken to by the same people.

She was sworn at, he wasn't. I couldn't hear anybody swearing at him on the video, yet it was all "fucking this" and "fucking that" when people were shouting at her.

She was called a slag, he was called mate.

She was laughed at (pathetic, how old are you), he was sympathised with (he's scared, look at him).

She was threatened (lets tip her fucking car over), he was helped (offers to drive his car for him, holding his wheel to help him reverse, given advise about needing to reverse because the police might take his licence if they arrived and he wasn't able to reverse safely).

People were leaning into her car waving arms and pointing fingers and getting in her face, he was enclosed in his car but the body language of the people standing by it was different.

That's why people are talking about people having a go at her, because it was different and she bore the brunt of the aggression.

They were both being asked to back down, both being told to move. But in very different ways and the way she was treated was much more aggressive and threatening.

'people moaning' DYM the gang of aggressive hostile threatening name calling men who were frightening a woman in an open top car and leaning into it waving their arms in her face? Wonder if you'll describe that as moaning if it ever happens to you? Women who identify with men do it because they believe that will keep them safe and fuck all the other women who are not as smart as you,eh? Keep on doing the dirty work for men and complain when other women don't like it.They were not 'doing the same to the man'. You have had it explained to you blow by blow . Have you changed your opinion?

Nope, i thought they were threatening towards the bloke too.
I found her attitude smug, 'fuck everybody i don't care.'
' to keep me safe, keep doing the dirty work for men'
oh grow up.
I don't agree with you.

Good Lord. Well after having watched it I can't decide who is further into the wrong, but I just cannot understand why the Woman didn't just swallow her pride after a couple of minutes, reverse all of one car length back & let him go. She would then have become the hero of the scene, rather than the villain.

On the other hand, if he genuinely can't reverse, he shouldn't be on the road.

Neither of them would last very long round here where many of our roads (some of them main routes) are too narrow to pass. Largely everything goes smoothly; 'right of way' is largely abandoned in favour of everyone doing what they need to do to keep everyone moving; give & take. There was a 45 minute stand off between a bus & a hire car last year though... The bus physically couldn't reverse, and the driver point blank refused to. The bus company had to make an announcement to explain the delay

Ps.. If the Woman was so intimidated she had plenty of time to close the roof, which looks like it's an electrically operated one.

I need to ask because I cannot imagine that if the man was already in the tunnel when she got there, why the hell she would proceed to drive into it, so I need clarification from locals.

From the posts of locals I've concluded that

the man came round the bend seen the woman approaching but instead of stopping to let her through he just continued.

Or

The man was already in the tunnel and the woman drove into the tunnel regardless.

Have I got that right ? Imo unless we know which one it is we don't know who is in the wrong.

It is hard to tell from the video, but (possibly projecting here), my heart went out to the old man.

Whether he could really reverse or not (and I don't see how you could be on the road and not), being unfit for the road isn't a switch that flicks on one day but a gradual, often unnoticed decline that might not be picked up on till something like this happens.

It is also not that easy to get someone of the road unless they have insight into their own lack of driving abilities - took us a year with my MIL (dementia) battling the DVLA (whole other story). Thankfully we managed it earlier this year, before anything really bad (bar lots of prangs against bollards etc) happened.

I hope his family have seen this and are taking appropriate action - good luck to them though! It's not an easy battle, particularly when you are depriving someone of one of their last vestiges of independence (not that that trumps road safety - but you know what I mean).

Part of the abuse the woman got/is getting is because she it was easier for her to reverse as she was nearer the entrance (people on here who know the area say she was in the wrong unless he speeded up)
And she is driving a flash show off 'sporty' car...(it isn't an A-B car)
All these people saying she is getting abuse because she is a woman in that type of car - I disagree - I think the woman bit is irrelevant - the type of car is the main reason.
(and it isn't jealousy...it is more people's experience on the road with cars like that...you generally don't get the same kind of driving from someone in a Rolls Royce ...)

Now what would have happened if it was a bloke in that car???? Would they have been calling him 'mate'? Really?
I suspect it would have turned a lot nastier than a few swear words etc...

I had a similar situation this morning. A row of cars parked down one side of the street and room for one car to drive down on my side of the road, which was clear of cars. So I have right of way.

A car, overtaking the parked cars, was coming towards me on my side so I waited for him and then 3 or 4 other cars followed him, obviously the drivers had put their foot (feet) down and thought they'd get through on his tail.

Yeah it's annoying, but absolutely no purpose would have been served if I had done what that woman did and placed myself in the way of those cars and refused to move; after all I had right of way ffs.

I waited a couple of second and then went on my way which is what she should have done and what any normal person would do.

I still want to know from the pps who are saying she was intimidated and frightened why they think she didn't close her roof or back up to let the other car through.

I'm not defending the abusive men around her at all but maybe they were more aggressive with her because all she needed to do was to back up a short way but the man would have to have backed up right through the length of the tunnel. And whilst they were both being ridiculous her manoeuvre would have been far simpler.

I'm sure most people being held up by a couple of idiots for 40 minutes would begin to get a bit pissed off.

He was driving a Mercedes too. With a personalised number plate.

I don't judge him for that. But many people would. I've seen it here.

My BIL sometimes drives my sister's convertible BMW, which inspires rage on here and on the road when she's at the wheel and she is a good driver.

It may have something to do with the fact that BIL is a large builder with tattoos and muscles.

The the number of men who fall over themselves to call him their mate and coo over engine size is astonishing. The number of men who have called my sister a bitch is also astonishing.

I'd love to see the face of the man who called her that just before BIL popped his head up from picking up something he'd dropped in the passenger footwell.

^'...my heart went out to the old man'

Old man? Really?
Are we calling people in their sixties, old now?

Some people do Herderofcats. I remember some time ago reading an article in a local newspaper that had a headline along the lines of 'Elderly couple robbed in their own home'; it was the 'elderly' bit that I mainly remember because it turned out they were both in their very early sixties.