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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

being camp?

76 replies

realitybitesyourbum · 23/09/2015 11:57

This may come uncross very un PC, but i am asking so i do the right thing, so please consider that in your replies!
I work in an industry employing people working with children. I sometimes employ gay men, no problem at all.
Would it be unacceptable to ask a gay man to try not to be camp, when working? Some of the parents don't like it (That may be a discussion for another day, the rights and wrongs of that, but that is how it is right now).

Is it possible to not be camp? I know lots of gay men who can camp it up for a laugh or whatever, and i know lots of gay men who aren't camp at all....and i definitely wouldn't want to offend anyone, so if it would be terrible to ask in a nice way? Or completely wrong and i shouldn't mention it at all. (Even if the person would potentially get more work?)

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 23/09/2015 13:34

Christ. Maybe you should start doing a masculinity test at interview to stop this problem occurring again in the future.

Theycallmemellowjello · 23/09/2015 13:34

I can't actually believe someone has to ask this. Err you will be guilty of illegal discrimination if you broach this matter in any way.

Original poster
realitybitesyourbum · 23/09/2015 13:36

Ok, i get it, i won't mention it. Thanks for all the replies.

OP posts:
Chillyegg · 23/09/2015 13:43

Yeah um you can't ask him to tone it down.
Is he professional?
Does he doesn't his job well?
If yes to other his sexyality and or personality traits hold no bearing.
As an employer you need to back your staff up more rather than appease parents who sound homophobic.

Chillyegg · 23/09/2015 13:49

Sorry that was meant to say;
If yes he does his job well then you shouldn't be bothered by personality traitso or sexyality

BriarRainbowshimmer · 23/09/2015 13:49

But I'm curious OP, what is it exactly that they do that is too camp?

Fromparistoberlin73 · 23/09/2015 13:53

no, if you are camp you are camp

stop pandering to homophobic clients - as that's what they are

now, if they are making inappropriate comments fine- call them on it. But as other have said- this one- steer a wide berth and look at your clients first TBH

how you respond to them- will educate them OP

scifisam · 23/09/2015 14:06

realitybitesyourbum, I'm glad you hire gay men but I think you need to look up employment legislation a bit. If you did ask someone to "not be camp," that would be really good grounds for someone to sue you if you then sacked them and they were gay or accused or being gay.

Certain elements of "campness" seem to be ingrained from birth and IME not necessarily related to sexuality; here it's only gay men that are in the OP, but it could happen with straight men too.

With the camp men I've known, gay and straight, it really is extremely difficult for them to tone down their mannerisms [i]especially[/i]when in contact with little kids. When talking about cars with other men they might be able to butch it up a bit or even do it without realising, but with little kids even macho men often feminise their body language and tone of voice. That makes it virtually impossible for camp men to hide being camp in those situations even if they wanted to.

I would suggest that they are extra careful to make sure people are in the same room with them when they're alone with a child because the odds that people will accuse them of something are higher.

If you work for an agency, consider placing ads in publications where gay parents are more likely to respond. IME lesbian parents wanting a Manny is not unusual and straight single mothers also.

mollie123 · 23/09/2015 14:11

urban dictionary definiton of camp
Effeminate way of being Gay. One can be camp without being gay. -

SisterMoonshine · 23/09/2015 14:12

I've given up telling the camp guy I work with that not everyone wants to be called "lovey" or "darling". He just can't stop himself patronising people!

KissingFish · 23/09/2015 14:14

Camp people and gay people can do rough and tumble too you know.

Wow this whole post is crazy!

MrsRossPoldark · 23/09/2015 15:02

I love campness in anyone - gay or straight! It's not just a gay thing you know! Shows they are comfortable in their own skins!

SaucyJack · 23/09/2015 15:10

You can't complain on the grounds of his sexuality, but if he's simply an irritating "Look at me- aren't I clever and funny?" type then I really don't see an issue in getting him to shut up a bit.

Grumpy and proud here.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 23/09/2015 15:32

The risks of a claim doesn't just arise if this man resigned or was dismissed, he would have a harassment claim just based on the conversation alone.

Interestingly, there was a case a few years ago where a heterosexual man was perceived by his colleagues to be gay and discriminated on the grounds of it. He brought a successful Tribunal claim based on discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation just due to the perception.

Mrsjayy · 23/09/2015 15:48

If the parents are looking for a more macho(not the right word) man then maybe your service is not for them not many macho men go into childcare which is a shame really

Mrsjayy · 23/09/2015 15:53

Not sure what my its a shame was about I think what i meant not a lot of men go into childcare

thelittleredhen · 23/09/2015 16:16

I'm a LP and it's really important for me that my DS has time with men to know what men are like. I think that while this lesson is being taught, that it's important for him to know that not all men are macho and that it's more than OK for men to be kind, caring and sensitive.

It is a shame that the parents that you have as your clients find a camp man awkward - so long as he's good at his job, that shouldn't matter.

ouryve · 23/09/2015 16:22

Well, Chris on CBeebies is incredibly camp and I don't see reams of complaints about him.

As long as the person isn't squeezing in Julian Clary style double entendres in at every opportunity, I don't see the problem., so long as they're professional.

ouryve · 23/09/2015 16:28

Good grief, the last thing I'd want is for my boys to be all rough and tumble. What a crock of shite.

OnlyLovers · 23/09/2015 16:37

at ' squeezing in'

[childish]

Badders123 · 23/09/2015 16:44

Remind me, this is the 21st century, right?
Coz it depresses the living shit out of me that people still think this way.

WizardOfToss · 23/09/2015 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LurkingHusband · 23/09/2015 16:50

Oh, I feel so old Sad.

72 replies (thus) far, and no one remembers this ? "SQUAD. CAMP IT UP !"

JackSkellington · 23/09/2015 17:21

YABU but YWBU to tell the parents you won't accept them being so judgmental towards a member of staff who has done nothing wrong. It is those parents who need spoken to about their attitude, to be honest.

JackSkellington · 23/09/2015 17:22

I mean YWNBU to tell the parents, sorry.

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