Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

being camp?

76 replies

realitybitesyourbum · 23/09/2015 11:57

This may come uncross very un PC, but i am asking so i do the right thing, so please consider that in your replies!
I work in an industry employing people working with children. I sometimes employ gay men, no problem at all.
Would it be unacceptable to ask a gay man to try not to be camp, when working? Some of the parents don't like it (That may be a discussion for another day, the rights and wrongs of that, but that is how it is right now).

Is it possible to not be camp? I know lots of gay men who can camp it up for a laugh or whatever, and i know lots of gay men who aren't camp at all....and i definitely wouldn't want to offend anyone, so if it would be terrible to ask in a nice way? Or completely wrong and i shouldn't mention it at all. (Even if the person would potentially get more work?)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/09/2015 12:24

Yes, apparently she was 'too loud and animated'. The parents put this down to her being 'too African' Confused

JawannaDrink · 23/09/2015 12:25

Does "coming across as un-PC" mean "I'm about to be a massive dick"?

Hmm

There are so many things wrong with your post its impossible to know where to start. So I won't bother, other to say, don't be a dick. And of course it would unacceptable, ffs.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 23/09/2015 12:25

There is camp and appropriate at work (why not).
There is camp and inappropriate at work: not good.

Just as there is frank, generally moody, very joyful, very friendly, naturally unfriendly, etc... As long as any of these characteristics, as well as being camp, are not outrageous, and/or affect somebody's performance and service, a manager should not try to change them in a employee. But as soon as they do, they should be able to mention it and ask for changes without creating a new DM sad face article.

The only question you have to ask is if service or performance are affected, OP. In quantifiable terms.

LoveChickens · 23/09/2015 12:26

Good luck OP

Mulligrubs · 23/09/2015 12:26

Some people are just camp, it's the way they are and it doesn't always have anything to do with being gay. I'm not sure if you can ask them to tone down their mannerisms without it being offensive. However, I worked with a woman who was very sullen and miserable and she was asked by bosses to smile more and be chirpier. Is there a difference between asking her to do that and asking a camp person to tone down their mannerisms etc? I'm not sure.

CassieBearRawr · 23/09/2015 12:27

I can't believe someone would really ask this. It's not even a case of "don't do it cause you might end up at an employment tribunal" (which you might and is a good reason not to do something) but more "don't do it cause its a shitty thing to do"

Mrsjayy · 23/09/2015 12:29

If his attitude towards his job is unprofessional then of course the op should tackle it im waiting to read whats too camp though. worra i am astounded at too African poor woman

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 12:30

french If by "camp and inappropriate" you mean making sexual innuendo remarks, that's not camp, just inappropriate.

Mrsjayy · 23/09/2015 12:31

Too and to meh

Mrsjayy · 23/09/2015 12:33

Is he clicking his fingers at little girls in dress up telling them they look fierce girlfriend Grin

ilovesooty · 23/09/2015 12:35

I think I'd be looking at educating those bigoted parents. Of course you can't say that to him or even allude to it unless his behaviour and actions are in some way unprofessional.

WorraLiberty · 23/09/2015 12:37

Any thoughts on the replies so far OP?

jay55 · 23/09/2015 12:41

I don't see how being camp affects the quality of childcare. Do the kids like him? I imagine campness is quite non threatening to kids.

OnlyLovers · 23/09/2015 12:42

Is he clicking his fingers at little girls in dress up telling them they look fierce girlfriend

I hope so. Grin

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 23/09/2015 12:43

I'd like to hear what the examples of "inappropriate" campness at work is

Notwithstanding that, being "inappropriately camp" is not the same as being "inappropriately joyful". Being camp is a characteristic which is more commonly associated with gay men. Therefore, there is a risk of a claim based not only on actually asking this man to stop being camp but also even the manner in which it is handled.

Original poster
realitybitesyourbum · 23/09/2015 12:50

MrsJayy, you made me laugh.

Others, i realise it might be dodgy, hence asking!
I am just trying to get the guy more work....and i have no idea how i would phrase it in a non offensive way.

It has nothing to do with "catching the gay"...it is more like the parents bring their kids, mostly boys, cos they want boy time as in rough and tumble and a macho type environment....hence i provide goys which are mostly macho!

And it is not my intention to be bigoted at all..otherwise i wouldn't employ gay guys would i? I just want to get them more work and i think they would get more if they were not camp. They are doing or saying nothing inappropriate, nothing to do with how he would do the job, it is just mannerisms i suppose. Which are quite hard to talk about. Mulligrubs you kind of got it. But it isn't being told off at all, more like i am trying to help them!

But if everyone thinks it is inappropriate then i wont say anything. I wouldn't want to hurt anyones feelings at all, that is the last thing i would want to do, they are all really lovely guys.

OP posts:
BriarRainbowshimmer · 23/09/2015 12:50

I'd like to hear what the examples of "inappropriate" campness at work is

Same here!

OnlyLovers · 23/09/2015 12:56

more like i am trying to help them!

That's big of you.

It's the parents who need to change, not these guys.

ghostyslovesheep · 23/09/2015 12:56

'Boy time' which naturally means 'rough and tumble' please name your business so I can avoid it - it all sounds rather dated and silly

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 23/09/2015 12:57

They are doing or saying nothing inappropriate, nothing to do with how he would do the job, it is just mannerisms i suppose

Forget saying anything. It's the equivalent of telling an employee that if they were a bit less black, they would get on better with clients. What you could do is have a group meeting with all employees and state that the feedback you have received (if you truly have) is that the children enjoy rough and tumble games therefore can they focus on these.

Do you have someone you can get employment advice from? If your run your own business, I'm thinking that you maybe signed up to Mentor or Peninsula if you don't instruct lawyers directly? Getting this type of thing wrong could have big implications for your business so I would really advise professional advice

zzzzz · 23/09/2015 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TenForward82 · 23/09/2015 13:06

It's the equivalent of telling an employee that if they were a bit less black

Exactly. "Your deep loud voice is intimidating my clients".

thesmallbear · 23/09/2015 13:10

Bloody hell OP are you posting from a different century! Biscuit

5Foot5 · 23/09/2015 13:26

One of the campest people I have ever met was a straight married man with children.

WhatstheT · 23/09/2015 13:27

Christ... I can't even believe the odds of more than one parent coming to you mentioning an employees "campness"

Say nothing, nobodies business how he speaks and moves unless it's offensive (as in offensive language or bloody flashing at passers by)

His sexuality has nothing to do with it.