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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to never ever return to the library.

75 replies

flanjabelle · 22/09/2015 19:40

toddlers are embarrassing at the best of times, but dd reached a new high today. She is nearly two and is talking up a storm, but the words are not quite right. she has a fantastic wide vocabulary already, but the sounds aren't quite as they should be.

So today, we were at the library and she was given a smiley face sticker. Fab.

In dds words it was a happy sticker. Fab.

happy sounded exactly like herpes. Sticker was dick.

My child repeatedly screamed herpes dick at the top of her voice in the library.

I'm pissing myself laughing about it now, but I could have died at the time. I can't ever go back can I?

Can anyone beat that or have I officially got the most embarrassing toddler? Do I get a prize?

OP posts:
MingZillas · 22/09/2015 19:44
Grin

I love these threads!

Original poster
flanjabelle · 22/09/2015 19:45

I'm glad it made you Grin Ming... But I really like the library!

OP posts:
JeanSeberg · 22/09/2015 19:46

Did you record it so you can have it as your text alert?

Original poster
flanjabelle · 22/09/2015 19:47

I haven't. I laugh so much when she says it she has got all shy about it. I'll have to leave it a couple of days and try.

OP posts:
PotOfYoghurt · 22/09/2015 19:50

A trip the city farm used to end with gleeful shouts of 'HORE! HORE! BIG, BIG HORE!'

And the ferrets at the zoo apparently looked like foxes, cue 'FUCK! FUCK! FUUUUUUUUUCK!'

Stillyummy · 22/09/2015 19:51

My kids can't talk yet but my friends child walked round b and q shouting "look at the dirty knobs" after seeing a display of draw knobs that had dust on them. I have been laughing about that for years :)

Sighing · 22/09/2015 19:53

My daughter did similar in the grounds of a university. .. she saw a peacock 'cock' out of the window and started shouting this during a (short) presentation ... pointing towards the window, just behind the vice chancellor stood off to the side of the stage. She was hastily grabbed and removed with a biscuit applied to her mouth. But the row was already sniggering!

AnotherTimeMaybe · 22/09/2015 19:53

Haha OP brilliant!!
Don't think I can beat that but my 3yo goes around to strangers saying 'mama did a massive poo poo'!!

CrohnicallyAspie · 22/09/2015 19:54

On a trip to the seaside, we had been catching small crustaceans off the harbour wall when DD (2) announced she needed the toilet. I took her to the nearest pub and she cheerfully told a lady we met in there that 'My daddy's got crabs. Big ones.'

SmashleyHop · 22/09/2015 20:00

When DS1 was a toddler he would chat to anything with a pulse. If nothing with a pulse was near he would shout hello to people in the distance. Very cute for a while.

One day we were eating in the outdoor space of a restaurant and a very large woman was walking towards us. Cue DS1 who stands up, frantically waving his arms and shouts "HI BIG LADY!" The only thing I could think to do was shush him and say loudly.. "SmashleyJr that isn't nice to say.. you wait till your mother gets back!" Blush

Original poster
flanjabelle · 22/09/2015 20:02

I'm not sure if I'm still in the lead for the prize, the crabs are bloody funny. What would the prize be? A paper bag to wear over your head to hide in?

OP posts:
Original poster
flanjabelle · 22/09/2015 20:03

Haha disowning the child is not really an option for me. she is my absolute carbon copy.

OP posts:
SmashleyHop · 22/09/2015 20:05

To be fair I didn't get away with it. He gave me a puzzled look and asked where I was going? We finished quickly and left.

I don't think we ever returned either.. So your plan might work.

BlackeyedSusan · 22/09/2015 20:08

mine were pseudo racist... with a love of itng... dd used to shout paka a lot loudly. cue performance parenting "oh yes darling, MAKKA pakka."

ds used to like drinking blackcu'nt.

oh the shame.

and who knew that allergic can sound like a large shit?

AlmaMartyr · 22/09/2015 20:08

I bet you cheered the staff up no end!

Autumnnights1 · 22/09/2015 20:09

My DS used to say "I'll fuck your bum" instead of "I'll smack your bum". Loved it! I used to make him say it as much as possible Grin

AnotherTimeMaybe · 22/09/2015 20:14

Autumnnights1 haha that wins the prize!!

dingit · 22/09/2015 20:15

Ds 14 had to decorate his French book with French pictures. When dd did it she used google images, the printer and pritt stick and made a nice collage.
Ds decided he couldn't be arsed with all that, grabbed a biro and drew a large Eiffel Tower. Except it looked like a giant penis. He followed it by a smaller picture of a baguette. He was annoyed that I wouldn't stop laughing, and neither could his teacher I'm sure. Grin

glenthebattleostrich · 22/09/2015 20:16

My mindees love a bit of embarrassing the childminder!

Walking through a crouded town centre near some flags, !little girl shouts ' look Glen, a big group of slags' (flags)

DD asked why I was firing a rocket up my bottom in M&S toilets (changing tampon)

!little boy mindee told me his daddy has a really big willy then asked if my DH had a big Willy. In the post office queue on pension day.

Same little boy in the same post office on a different day announced his Willy was tingly and wouldn't go small.

DD on a crowded train announced she's never having a baby because she doesn't want to poo one out of her front bottom.

And a final mispronounced one - little girl mindee wanted to sing on a bus. I asked what song and she shouted mouse cock several times before I realised she wanted hickory dickory dock.

AIBU to never take children out of the house again??!!!

blibblobblub · 22/09/2015 20:18

My mum used to be a childminder. A couple of her mindees, sisters, had parents who were a bit hippyish and by all accounts weren't bothered if the kids saw them in the nude.

The younger one had a gob like a foghorn and obviously if my mum was out and about just with her and one of the others, people would assume she was my mum's child.

So they're out and about one day, and child announces "my dad has a big willy" in front of a whole bunch of people... My poor mum Grin

glenthebattleostrich · 22/09/2015 20:25

There was also the argument I had with Willy boy. We were out for a walk and saw a black and white cat on a roof. I said look, there's a cat. Boy replies no, its a cow. I'm confused but gently point out no it's a cat. How would a cow get on a roof, says I.

By a ladder replies boy. Ah, but where would a cow get a ladder? I asked. From in the shed says boy.

This went on for some time and the boy would not accept it was a cat on the roof, it was a cow. The animal was black and white therefore it was a cow.

melinski · 22/09/2015 20:32

DD used to say cock for clock.

When we went past the church she would shout "BIG COCK, BIG COCK"Blush

redexpat · 22/09/2015 20:40

When he spilled a bit of his porridge ds shouted Cock! Mummy cock! Cloth. No audience thankfully.

OhBigHairyBollocks · 22/09/2015 20:53

I am crying at "firing a rocket up your bum". That is HYSTERICAL Grin

Original poster
flanjabelle · 22/09/2015 20:53

I have to say I have been looking forward to this stage. I just didn't realise it would be quite so embarrassing.

OP posts: