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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to never ever return to the library.

75 replies

flanjabelle · 22/09/2015 19:40

toddlers are embarrassing at the best of times, but dd reached a new high today. She is nearly two and is talking up a storm, but the words are not quite right. she has a fantastic wide vocabulary already, but the sounds aren't quite as they should be.

So today, we were at the library and she was given a smiley face sticker. Fab.

In dds words it was a happy sticker. Fab.

happy sounded exactly like herpes. Sticker was dick.

My child repeatedly screamed herpes dick at the top of her voice in the library.

I'm pissing myself laughing about it now, but I could have died at the time. I can't ever go back can I?

Can anyone beat that or have I officially got the most embarrassing toddler? Do I get a prize?

OP posts:
Loula117 · 22/09/2015 21:01

DS2 went through a stage of counting in ones. So it was embarrassing on the bus when he started loudly counting vehicles - 'one car, one car, one car...' - sounded exactly like something else!

dimples76 · 22/09/2015 21:37

On a family outing to the cinema we were buying some snacks and my nephew called across the room to me 'Auntie dimples do you like cock porn?' (pop corn). We were all crying with laughter and my nephew was understandably confused and felt the need to repeat the question.

Now when we're all together all anyone needs to say is do you remember when we went to see the Muppets Movie .. and we're all off

AGnu · 22/09/2015 21:39

DS2 (2yo) got hold of one of his brothers books earlier. It's a phonics book about a fox & a box. He got very excited pointing at it & shouting "fock, Mummy, fock!" Hmm "Oh yes," says I, "There's the foxssssss." "No, Mummy, not box. FOCK!"

mumofsammy · 22/09/2015 21:44

My son used to get his consonants a bit mixed up during trips to kids club at the cinema.
Can I have more cockporn mummy?

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 22/09/2015 21:44

DS2 (2.8) announced to a group of my friends at the school gate that 'mummy eat big dick'.

He meant big STICK. He had been pretending to feed me sticks on the way to school!

mumofsammy · 22/09/2015 21:46

Oh sorry- just seen it's the same as someone else's!

vanillabeauty · 22/09/2015 21:50

In tesco, had black berries and blueberries in the trolley. DS was very excited and was shouting black boobies all the way around the shop. I gave up explaining in the dairy aisle Blush

vanillabeauty · 22/09/2015 21:54

DS's bean bag needed washing so I emptied all the balls into tubs to wash the outer part. Ds realised his bean bag was in fact filled with balls....... It was called a ball bag for a month or two Grin
I would avoid the library for a week and after that it will be old news x

Pennybun4 · 22/09/2015 21:58

OP, your DD was screaming in the library. As an ex librarian that would have got a big ssshhhh from me.

Should add left libraries nearly 30 years ago when children's activities had only just been invented.Would have loved a sticker or two to hand out.

OublietteBravo · 22/09/2015 21:58

DD used to proudly tell everyone 'Daddy plays rubbish' - she meant rugby. It still makes me smile Smile

Eastpoint · 22/09/2015 22:07

DS was about 15 months and we were on a boat, he started shouting 'Fark! Fark!' He thought he'd seen a shark...

purplemeggie · 22/09/2015 22:20

DS called my grapefruit and soda "dirty juice" for a while, and shouted "Mummy likes it dirty, Daddy!" across the pub when we were having a nice pub lunch and DH had gone to the bar to get some more drinks. Also, his first approximation of his name sounded like "Fucker". I used to worry that people might think we called him that.

Lurleene · 22/09/2015 22:21

This thread reminds me of this youtube video.

I know I'm childish and it shouldn't be funny, it's just the timing that gets me.

TheSkiingGardener · 22/09/2015 22:21

We were passing guitar shop near us which has a big model of an amp in 3D on the front. "Look Mummy, a knob shop" very loudly and repeatedly

I moved him along.

NotAFuckingChance · 22/09/2015 22:26

DS1 is 6 and we have DS2 who is 6 months. DS1 is convinced that DS2 has special shampoo for his 'candle crap', cannot get cradle cap at all.

trixymalixy · 22/09/2015 22:27

DS used to love doing a torpedo (pushing off wallwith feet)when he did swimming lessons. Except he quite often didn't say the start of words when he was little. So he would shout "pedo" loudly in the swimming pool Blush.

UterusUterusGhali · 22/09/2015 22:41

That's brilliant, Trixy. Grin

Muldjewangk · 23/09/2015 06:41

Buying DD and DS an ice lolly, DS then aged 3 requested a med ice block on a dick at the top of his voice. The woman serving in the shop was taken aback until we said he means a red ice block on a stick.

blibblobblub · 23/09/2015 06:58

My sister used to say "fuck'yoo" instead of "thank you" Grin

Original poster
flanjabelle · 23/09/2015 07:45

Penny it's ok, it was a proper children's session where noise, singing and dancing is very much encouraged. She got the sticker at the end of the session.

'Pedo' has me chuckling, as does the 'ball bag'. Grin

OP posts:
nf1morethanjustlumpsandbumps · 23/09/2015 18:28

DS couldn't say quack it was always wank wank. This caused considerable amusement and was his party piece at the farm where I work. We had one memorable bank holiday at a National Trust property when he yelled at the top of his lungs "mummy mummy the ducks are wanking" Shock

Pammie70 · 23/09/2015 18:30

When my DD was little she used to pronounce breakfast wrong. I will never forget the Avon ladies face when this little girl in her PJ's repeatedly shouted Bastard at her while waving a piece of toast

Cath40t · 23/09/2015 18:34

My son did a really bad Welsh accent......in the Indian grocers. Mortified.

When my daughter was little we decided to be very liberal parents and teach her the proper names for private parts.....
In the queue at McDonald's
"PENIS, sounds a bit like peanut butter. It wouldn't be very nice in a sandwich though. Penis......penis.......penis.......I think I'll just call it a willie"

Announcing loudly in church with granny that she'd just farted.
Telling the priest that "I don't actually believe in God" age 3

She used to combine swear words.....tell people to "Fugger off"

LightsOnNoOneHome · 23/09/2015 18:36

Oh I have loads!

My favourite is probably dumb f##k instead of 'dump truck'. This stuck for quite a while.

As for embarrassing moments, he enthusiastically recited a poem to a lovely posh old couple on the bus:
"Here we stand in peaceful bliss
Listening to the running p*ss
Now and the a fart is heard
Followed by a rumble BUUURP" (my father taught him this Hmm)

Could have died! Blush

molyholy · 23/09/2015 18:38

Our dd is 6 and the things she tell people now are more embarassing as people know she is telling the truth. You have to watch EVERYTHING you say. Caused a few Blush moments for us. Including telling my fil that me taking my bra off is my favourite part of the day Blush

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