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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting the office with new baba

81 replies

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 22/09/2015 19:38

I've sat in work and listened to the women in the office debate this ALL day and I want some mumsnet thoughts.....I will say from the outset that I'm kind of on the fence with this one. So here goes....

One of the girls finished up in April for Maternity leave (while I was still on Mat leave) and the girls really went all out for her. I was happy to contribute as they'd done the same for me a few months prior. Beautiful thoughtful gifts for her and baby and a lovely lunch for her. We're a friendly team and while we don't hang about out side work we often go for lunch and generally just have a good working relationship. The crux of the matter is that some of the women are PISSED off that she's not brought dd in to the office since she's had her. i brought my DS in and previous new mums have done the same. I'm not that bothered and thinks she wants a clean break but some people seem to feel a bit agrieved that they spent so much money and put time and effort into her leaving presents and do and she's not introduced us to the baby. Is this unreasonable?! I've been wondering this all day! Confused

OP posts:
LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 22/09/2015 21:18

Well I'd be quite happy to see the baby but I wouldn't be at all worried or put out if they didn't come either.

I never took mine to visit my old work, I don't think it was expected or would have been terribly welcome tbh.

Maybe the baby's just a real screamer? My eldest was - a visit from a few months old him would not have been a treat. Middle one had reflux come to think of it, so would have been even less of a treat!

Osolea · 22/09/2015 21:20

I only took my babies in because of the older ladies at work insisting that they wanted a visit, and I think they would have been offended if I hadn't, but the whole thing was a bit pointless and awkward in reality. I worked in a really busy place where the colleagues I liked the most could genuinely only spare about 2 minutes to come and chat, and the others were only interested in passing a baby around so I felt like a complete spare part.

I don't know what the right answer is either, I suppose it's like air conditioning, there will never be total agreement!

HumphreyCobblers · 22/09/2015 21:21

DS1 was sick all over my boss. He puked up what seemed like an entire feed. I was mortified.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 22/09/2015 21:28

I worked in retail in cosmetics. So just swung by the department when I was in town. I actually ran in quickly the day I had my son because I needed to buy my sil a gift as he came on her bday. I left him in the car with my DH whilst I ran in and out in two minutes and they all said bring him in soon. So we just popped in the next time I was in town a week or so later.

I did however have all the girls I'm close to round for dinner to meet him and vice versa. Iv left now and they are the ones I still see and consider friends though.

CatMilkMan · 22/09/2015 21:32

YABU to call a baby baba.

mumofthemonsters808 · 22/09/2015 21:37

I'd be grateful she had not brought the baby in, it would not bother me if I never see another "office baby" again. I'm the one who always gets stuck with the new Mum whilst everyone else has conveniently disappeared and I feel obliged to show some interest, even though secretly I want to get back to my work.

MrsFrankRicard · 22/09/2015 21:51

They should have just asked her if she would bring baby in? With DS1 I did bring him in but not till he was 6 months and I had a meeting to go to, I worked in a male team and they weren't very interested however being fathers themselves I could happily leave DS with them.

In this team, I was told by one of the women that I had better bring baby in nice and early Grin so I did when he was 2 weeks old, it was nice to see everyone after 4 weeks away anyway.

Original poster
Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 22/09/2015 21:59

catmilk okay.......Hmm

OP posts:
FishWithABicycle · 22/09/2015 22:03

For years pre-DS I experienced every time a colleague brought a new baby into the office as a stabbing grief and tried to be elsewhere or furiously engaged in battle with some tricky bit of work with an imminent deadline.

When I was finally blessed with DS I didn't bring him into the actual office but I did make a date to take him to lunch nearby and let colleagues know they could come and join me there if they wanted to.

I don't think it's fair to take babies in. You never know what a colleague might consider too private to share.

goodasitgets · 22/09/2015 22:05

Yes puppy was v welcome
Manager to babies "er. Um. Pats baby on the head"
Manager to puppy "who's a good boy, aren't you a little cutie (makes kiss noises) aw he likes the kisses, awwww look at his face..."
ConfusedHmm

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 22/09/2015 22:09

Not keen on babies visiting the office. Isn't there a huge health & safety issue there?

What is this huge health & safety risk? Obviously some workplaces are not suitable for babies, but this is an office, or perhaps the baby poses a risk to the office workers?

Original poster
Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 23/09/2015 08:20

fish I see where you're coming from but if people go down that line then there are plenty of social situations that people would shy away from taking a baby into and while it's awful that someone should experience infertility, it's maybe a bit mean to suggest that a new parent shouldn't show off their child for fear of offending someone. That said, I do know what you mean but I just don't thing it's very practical.

OP posts:
IrenetheQuaint · 23/09/2015 08:36

I really can't work out the health and safety risk, unless you worked down a mine or in an infectious diseases ward or something.

I always find it a bit dull and awkward when people bring babies in, but I know some staff love it.

atticusclaw2 · 23/09/2015 08:38

Oh god I used to hate this when I worked in an office. The minute anyone appeared with their baby I would put on a headset and pretend to be engaged on a very long telephone conference call.

selsigfach · 23/09/2015 09:48

My mum made me bring my baby in to her former work place as all her ex-colleagues wanted a cuddle! I felt a bit odd doing that but they were all lovely ladies.

ilovesooty · 23/09/2015 09:57

I actually find having babies in the office tedious and a distraction. Meet your friends in a coffee shop or something.

Janeymoo50 · 23/09/2015 10:03

I always love to see the new babies, but totally appreciate it's their choice. Perhaps they might want to arrange a lunch time in the local Wetherspoons or similar and invite her and new baby along, maybe she's feeling she left it too long and would appreciate the invite to make contact again, especially if coming back to work.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 23/09/2015 10:15

I had a colleague who would bring her baby in weekly- not shitting you. On a ward where infections were rife and staff were rushed off their feet and she just used to kind of mill about looking for attention. Odd.

NuckyS · 23/09/2015 10:16

It was always really nice when a new parent brought their baby into our office - lots of clucking and fussing (and not just from the women...).

How far does this colleague live from the office? To take our DCs into my office would have involved a fair commute which just wasn't very practical at the time.

MinecraftWonder · 23/09/2015 10:17

I don't think it's fair to take babies in. You never know what a colleague might consider too private to share

Fishwithabicycle - whilst I do sympathise, my honest thoughts are that that's a ridiculous pov.

Yes, it's sad if you're trying to have a baby unsuccessfully, but I really can't see why that makes it 'unfair' for someone to bring their baby into an office.

Surely, you see/saw babies everywhere, new people who were having babies etc. Whilst they don't need to rub people's face in it, they shouldn't feel like they have to hide them away either.

NuckyS · 23/09/2015 10:31

It depends what your relationship with your colleagues is like, as well. Our office was quite small and close-knit, so everyone was good pals. It would be different if you only had a professional relationship with your officemates.

imwithspud · 23/09/2015 16:30

I didn't take my DC1 into work, I had said I would before going on mat leave, but when the time came I guess I just didn't feel up to it and then when I did I felt like too much time had passed and I wasn't returning so it just never happened. My mum made me come with her to her work to show of DC1 though, I had worked there previously so I knew most of the people there so it wasn't so bad but really I just wanted to go home and cuddle my baby.

I don't think anyone should be obliged to bring their new baby into work, regardless of gifts or what ever. It should be entirely up to the parent, if work colleagues want to meet the baby that badly then surely they can make arrangements to come to the parents?

ceejoy · 23/09/2015 16:38

I took my baby to visit work today! It very much depends on the workplace. I work in a school and it's nice for the children to meet (from a slight distance) the cause of the huge bump they all had to be so careful of, plus the staff all stick around at lunchtime so it isn't interrupting anyone's work to pop in to the staffroom. It's kind of expected. I'm sure if I didn't go I'd have a few messages asking me to visit but it's obviously a child oriented workplace. I've never had an office job so I can't comment on that.

dorisdog · 23/09/2015 20:57

Maybe she doesn't feel like it? Maybe she has postnatal depression? Maybe she misses work and would feel bad? She may not want to have to articulate complicated feelings to work colleagues if she feels like she's in a different 'world.' It could be well complicated. I had odd jealousies about the person filling my maternity leave.

Basically it's no-one else's business and they should leave her be. Apart form wishing her well, obviously. Can't the colleague who's closest to her pop and see her and feedback?

QuiteLikely5 · 23/09/2015 21:03

I love love love it when babies are brought into work!

I can't understand why anyone would t want to coo over a newborn for a minute or two Smile