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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Visiting the office with new baba

81 replies

Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 22/09/2015 19:38

I've sat in work and listened to the women in the office debate this ALL day and I want some mumsnet thoughts.....I will say from the outset that I'm kind of on the fence with this one. So here goes....

One of the girls finished up in April for Maternity leave (while I was still on Mat leave) and the girls really went all out for her. I was happy to contribute as they'd done the same for me a few months prior. Beautiful thoughtful gifts for her and baby and a lovely lunch for her. We're a friendly team and while we don't hang about out side work we often go for lunch and generally just have a good working relationship. The crux of the matter is that some of the women are PISSED off that she's not brought dd in to the office since she's had her. i brought my DS in and previous new mums have done the same. I'm not that bothered and thinks she wants a clean break but some people seem to feel a bit agrieved that they spent so much money and put time and effort into her leaving presents and do and she's not introduced us to the baby. Is this unreasonable?! I've been wondering this all day! Confused

OP posts:
Vastra · 22/09/2015 20:15

Personally I love it when colleagues bring in their babies for a visit, but I'm broody and love any opportunity for a cuddle. However, I think these women ABU, she doesn't owe them an introduction.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 22/09/2015 20:17

Depends entirely on the workplace I'd say. My work kept ringing me to find out if I'd had the baby, and inviting me (nicely!) to bring him in. I took him in one day, and it was lovely - I loved showing him off.

Of course, it's entirely her choice - she doesn't owe it to them just because they bought her presents. She might be struggling, or be in her own happy bubble with her newborn, and not want to think about work.

So - SINBU.

BravingSpring · 22/09/2015 20:19

It's generally the done thing, I also prefer puppy/dog visitors.

Primadonnagirl · 22/09/2015 20:20

Sorry, I just have to ask .. Did you mean to write " baba" or was it a typo? If you meant it, YABVVVU! Grin

Sunshineandsilverbirch · 22/09/2015 20:25

I couldn't go in for months as I had to wait until my DH was able come with me. As he'd had lots of time time off when our babies were born it was a while before he could take a holiday.

It was a really stressful experience (massive open plan office, two screaming babies) and I was also hugely aware that I was interrupting everyone's busy day.

I only came in because I was invited.

Trying to fit in the journey to the office, visiting the team and meeting my boss with breast feeding two babies was a logistical nightmare.

Quite frankly I don't blame your friend for staying home.

Why don't the ladies offer to visit her?

CassieBearRawr · 22/09/2015 20:25

I would also go nuts over a dog/puppy visit spring Grin

Millymollymama · 22/09/2015 20:28

I took my DD in aged about 3 months. She was besotted with my boss - he had a beard! Short visit just to see the older female colleagues really. If they were happy and I was happy to do it, why not? No massive presents and lunches though. It is that element that is over the top and raises the stakes.

TowelsOfTheUnexpected · 22/09/2015 20:31

If we want to bring in a baby/child or someone who doesn't have the right to be there for their job role we have to get permission and a Health & Safety assessment is done.

It's not worth the arseache and so most people make arrangements to meet up outside of the office.

Thurlow · 22/09/2015 20:35

She doesn't have to bring her baby in at all.

However, I quite like it when people do, especially friends. I took DD in. Though partly that was because I wanted to see my friends at work, and I fancied a day trip out.

I have always worked in small teams where we've all become friends, though, so that probably makes a difference - I was taking DD to see friends more than I was taking her to see colleagues.

WyrdByrd · 22/09/2015 20:46

I think if people made a huge fuss when she left it would have been a nice gesture for her to pop in with baby tbh, but are you all certain that all is well with them both?

I went in with DD the week after she was born - had I waited a few weeks I probably wouldn't have as colic kicked in shortly afterwards and I ended up with very severe PND. Similarly a friend's colleague had a baby recently who was born with an unexpected and quite severe facial deformity which will impact on the rest of his life. She and her DP were understandably shocked and struggling to deal with the news and I'm not sure if she even went in with him.

Original poster
Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 22/09/2015 20:49

primadonna yeah I meant baba...I'm Glaswegian...it's a pretty common word up here in the cold dark North Grin

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Original poster
Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 22/09/2015 20:52

To all PP. I'm going to suggest tomorrow that someone sends a text to say it would be great to meet up for lunch. She only lives a 10 min walk from work so hopefully she'll be able to make it. Also, thankfully her baby is healthy and coming on really well...from what we've seen of her on FB so definitely nothing wrong with her DD!

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3littlebadgers · 22/09/2015 20:52

Maybe she knows someone in the office has had a recent loss or is struggling with infertility and she is trying to be sensitive to their feelings?

ASAS · 22/09/2015 20:56

What 3 said.

I am very PFB but even on mat leave I didn't want to be responsible for a baby suddenly appearing in an office full of women.

Also, the new mum could be struggling, the baby could be ill. The politics of gifts these days is beyond me.

sproketmx · 22/09/2015 20:56

Maybe if it's her first then she's still not really in a good routine etc. I struggled with my first one going places further than the village I live in till he was about 6 ir 7 months and maybe she's the same.

Moomintroll85 · 22/09/2015 20:58

I don't think people can snipe about her not coming in, she may not feel up to the journey, her baby could be a screamer, maybe she had a difficult birth or she could be struggling with PND even. There could be any number of reasons. Whatever the reason she isn't obliged to visit I don't think.

I took my DS in when he was about 2 months, I had a difficult c-section recovery so I couldn't manage it any earlier. My colleagues seemed really happy to see us (and glad to skive off), including all the senior managers and the CEO who cooed over him like mad pigeons for what seemed like ages. I had to change DS in a meeting room and he of course pissed everywhere Shock

Original poster
Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 22/09/2015 21:01

Thanks ladies! I'll tactfully tell the office oldies to wrap it tomorrow. I'm not going to mention pnd or anything like that...I don't want to be accused of starting office gossip Confused but i will stick up for Ms sent colleage

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Original poster
Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 22/09/2015 21:01

*absent colleague

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JohnCusacksWife · 22/09/2015 21:02

I love it when someone brings their new baby in town the office. I'd far rather cuddle a wee baby than work! But she's under no obligation. I didn't take DD1 into my office til she was about 4 moths old but she was prem, tiny and born in the depths of winter so I didn't feel guilty.

PS am also from Glasgow and have never, ever heard anyone say "baba"!

Orangeanddemons · 22/09/2015 21:02

We all love it when people bring their babies in! I'm a teacher, all my students love it too, although they are only allowed to admire from a distance.

If someone brought a puppy in it would make me really I'll, as I have severe allergies

JohnCusacksWife · 22/09/2015 21:03

"in to the office"

3littlebadgers · 22/09/2015 21:04

In turkish baba means daddy and I am reliably told in hull it means poo! I was hoping it was a thread about bringing poo into the office Grin

minipie · 22/09/2015 21:07

Maybe she's having a rough time and doesn't have the energy, and/or the logistics are too complicated?

My office is an hour's journey (walking and tube) from home. Both my DDs have not been great at napping out and about and so taking them in means buggering up. whole day's naps, just so my colleagues can coo for a few minutes.

ShadowLine · 22/09/2015 21:10

It's fairly normal where I've worked for people to bring in new babies.

But it's certainly not rude or unreasonable for a parent to not bring a baby into the office.

Original poster
Prettyeyedpiratesmile · 22/09/2015 21:11

Really?! johncusack hahaha! I thought it was a common word. Maybe I've been spending too much time with the lovely oldies in my work Grin

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