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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? Son wants to borrow my car

60 replies

stopfaffing · 22/09/2015 07:13

My DS passed his driving test a few weeks ago, he is 20 and soon to be 21. He lives away from home so we don't see him too often but he'll be 21 come October and coming back for a visit. His dad has said he can have his car (15 years old 1.2 litre) as a run around to see if he can afford to run it (the MOT is up in six months) when he gets insurance at age 21 (under 21 the cost is massive).

One of the first things he said to be when he passed was "Mu-u-m (you know, that long three syllable mums ) you know when we go to visit gran at Christmas (6 hour drive away)... can I drive your car? My car is a 2.2 litre 4x4 and is my baby .

Technically there's no reason why not, he's passed his test after all. However, the mere thought of it gives me palpitations and I'm wondering how I will be able to cope sitting in the car with him. I thought that I could sit in the back seat with an eye mask on and headphones so I couldn't see or hear anything, but that's daft isn't it?

I said no, but I feel that is unreasonable really, and wonder if there's any mnetters out there who have been in the same position and found a way to come to terms with letting a new driver drive their precious car?

As an aside, DS is currently researching four door cars to buy because his dad's (free) car only has two doors and that would be inconvenient for when he drives his pals around . He'll learn .

OP posts:

spoonfulofgoodness · 22/09/2015 07:19

If you're not comfortable then YANBU. Will it cost not you a bomb to insure him on a 2.2 litre engine? Go with your gut instinct. It's a big engine in what is presumably a large car so if you don't think he's ready to drive it then just say no and let him scoot about in the 1.2 litre to begin with.

TotalPerspectiveVortex · 22/09/2015 07:20

Would you/he afford to be able to insure him on yours? I passed my driving test aged 25 and the insurance for my 15 year old 1l micro was £1,300 (with my clubcard discount, £1,700 without).

Or will he have his own insurance? You'll need to check it covers driving other vehicles careful, there can be an age requirement on some policies.

LittleRedSparkle · 22/09/2015 07:24

If he is insured (expensive) could he drive for some of the journey?

I wouldn't want him driving my car but it's a compromise

Catsize · 22/09/2015 07:24

My mum can't bear being a passenger in her own car. I am late 30s with 20 years' driving experience, and she still wouldn't let me drive it. Likewise my Dad who has 50 or so years. Not sure that it is because she is attached to the metal, but more that she feels odd about being driven in her car.

Personally OP, it really is just metal and wheels. I would rather be there supervising so I can advise on any potential situations, rather than letting him go off unsupervised in a smaller car.

He will probably be fine.

However, if you are like my mum about these things, he will just have to put it down to a maternal foible, like we have over the years.

Bulbasaur · 22/09/2015 07:25

I wouldn't. He has his dad's. If he wants to drive a different one, he'll have to do it like the rest of us adults and save up for one.

But, if you still on the fence...

Perhaps a good compromise is making him pay for whatever extra he costs to be put on your insurance. When DH was younger, his parents got him a car, but to drive it he had to pay insurance. It worked out pretty well for everyone. When we crashed (not our fault), insurance covered half of the new one he wanted.

Catsize · 22/09/2015 07:25

But I would have him as a named driver rather than 3rd party via his own insurance.

Sirzy · 22/09/2015 07:26

I would be tempted to tell him if he paid for the insurance he can. I would imagine the cost will soon put him off.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 22/09/2015 07:27

How much driving experience will he get between now and the visit?

Is he offering to help share the 'task' of driving for you?

Is he looking for motorway experience?

The test he sat is a lot more thorough than the test you (probably) sat 20 years ago.

Is he generally a sensible kid?

How would you all feel making the trip in his car, sharing the driving?

Skiptonlass · 22/09/2015 07:28

Two questions:

What's he like as a driver/risk taker? If he's a genuinely sensible person on the roads and got good then that's very different to him being a boy racer. I remember the guy I was dating at 18 getting mocked by his mates for driving like a sensible granny, but I drove like that too! If he's at all reckless, the answer is no. People vary so much - I was always aware I was hurtling along in a ton or so of steel but plenty of people I knew drove like absolute idiots. Several I refused to get in with

How much will it cost to put him on the insurance? I bet it'll be prohibitive in your car.

Personally I'd see how he gets along with the smaller car. Any sign of idiocy or poor judgement then it's a no too!

Original poster

stopfaffing · 22/09/2015 07:29

We looked into putting him on his dad's insurance (because he would be using his car) but because he has a separate address he cannot be put on dad's insurance, he has to have his own and this is where it gets really expensive.

It becomes a lot cheaper (relatively speaking) after he turns 21 which he will in October, but he will still have to buy his own insurance. The good thing is that if he doesn't have accidents, he'll soon build up no claims of his own.

Thinking about it, if he wanted to drive my car at Christmas would he have to get his insurance changed to reflect this? Or would I have to put him on mine as an additional driver (currently only DH is an additional driver).

OP posts:

irrumabo · 22/09/2015 07:36

let him pay for the insurance for the day of driving and let him have at it!

irrumabo · 22/09/2015 07:39

o, and have him organise the insurance too

Original poster

stopfaffing · 22/09/2015 07:44

When he was learning to drive, his dad took him out to practice (and his sister) in his car but I wouldn't consider doing the same in mine. I couldn't bear the thought of me freaking out if they made a mistake. No, I would be an awful passenger.

When I learned to drive (back in the day), I never even asked my dad to come out with me to practice in his car. I knew he would have a heart attack.

It's a good point about how much practice DS would get before having a go of my car. Currently, he isn't driving at all, can't afford the insurance. Once he is 21 and has his dad's car (we could pay for his insurance for the first year as a 21st gift perhaps) he can get lots of practice.

I remember my own experience, I didn't drive for nearly a year after passing my test, until I bought my first car. I still remember the apprehension of driving it off the forecourt to the petrol station to fill up. But I was absolutely fine.

Is he a risk taker? Well he certainly used to be (in my opinion) being an avid skateboarder/parkour fan but I've noticed that, over the years, since moving out, working and living in a flat, he has matured a lot. I have no concerns about him being irresponsible in my car. I believe he would be careful, so my fear is irrational, if I'm honest.

OP posts:

Original poster

stopfaffing · 22/09/2015 07:44

irrumabo, maybe a Christmas pressie?

OP posts:

DoreenLethal · 22/09/2015 07:45

Does he mean help you to drive up there or does he mean borrow it whilst you are gone?

Fabellini · 22/09/2015 07:45

Some fully comp policies will cover you to drive someone else's car (with their permission), but usually only third party.
So, if I were you I'd say no way I'd add him to your insurance as named driver.
This does mean he wouldn't be building his own no claims, and I reckon you'll be horrified at how much more expensive it makes your policy.
As an aside, if he adds you or his dad as a named driver on his own policy it will probably bring the cost of it down.

Original poster

stopfaffing · 22/09/2015 07:48

Doreen, no he wants to share the drive. We haven't even discussed him borrowing it on his own!

Fabellini, interesting idea to put us on his policy to decrease the cost. Hmm, will think about that.

OP posts:

museumum · 22/09/2015 07:48

My parents never ever let me drive their cars. It's just one of the reasons I was unable to forge an adult relationship with them till I was mid-30s with a child of my own. All my 20s I felt they treated me like a child.
What would you do for an adult friend visiting from abroad say? I'd offer use of the car but expect them to cover all insurance and fuel costs.

Original poster

stopfaffing · 22/09/2015 07:50

museumum, I will not let anyone drive my car (except DH), not visitors or friends.

OP posts:

MiddleAgedandConfused · 22/09/2015 07:50

You have already given him access to one car, which is very generous. He does not need access to the other. Just say no.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 22/09/2015 07:53

My parents never ever let me drive their cars. It's just one of the reasons I was unable to forge an adult relationship with them till I was mid-30s with a child of my own. All my 20s I felt they treated me like a child.
Honestly? That's ridiculous. That's not treating you like a child, that's just not providing you with a car. As an adult, it was your own job to provide a car if you wanted one.

Berthatydfil · 22/09/2015 07:55

As pp said. He can have a policy on his car which would allow him to drive yours third party only ie if he crashed and wrote off your car you wouldn't get a penny however the person he crashed into would be OK. So given you have a nice car that I assume you couldn't afford to replace outright tomorrow ( you have might outstanding finance on it that you would have to continue to pay) that would be an out and out no,
Otherwise he goes on your car as a named driver and a powerful 4x4 with a relatively Inexperience driver would be quite high risk and £££££. Plus you would probably have quite a high exces.
But I guess if he was to fund any increase in premium to put him on your policy also with the understanding he would have to pay any excess you could consider it.
Alternatively you could just say - no,

I know what I would do.

DisappointedOne · 22/09/2015 08:08

The test he sat is a lot more thorough than the test you (probably) sat 20 years ago.

Oh no it isn't!

DisappointedOne · 22/09/2015 08:11

It's highly probable that your insurance company won't cover him on your car anyway. Many have "not under 21/25" on higher powered cars.

TeamBacon · 22/09/2015 08:14

Yep. I couldn't be put as a named driver on my Dad's 2L car because I was under 25 and the policy wouldn't allow it.

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