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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? Son wants to borrow my car

60 replies

stopfaffing · 22/09/2015 07:13

My DS passed his driving test a few weeks ago, he is 20 and soon to be 21. He lives away from home so we don't see him too often but he'll be 21 come October and coming back for a visit. His dad has said he can have his car (15 years old 1.2 litre) as a run around to see if he can afford to run it (the MOT is up in six months) when he gets insurance at age 21 (under 21 the cost is massive).

One of the first things he said to be when he passed was "Mu-u-m (you know, that long three syllable mums ) you know when we go to visit gran at Christmas (6 hour drive away)... can I drive your car? My car is a 2.2 litre 4x4 and is my baby .

Technically there's no reason why not, he's passed his test after all. However, the mere thought of it gives me palpitations and I'm wondering how I will be able to cope sitting in the car with him. I thought that I could sit in the back seat with an eye mask on and headphones so I couldn't see or hear anything, but that's daft isn't it?

I said no, but I feel that is unreasonable really, and wonder if there's any mnetters out there who have been in the same position and found a way to come to terms with letting a new driver drive their precious car?

As an aside, DS is currently researching four door cars to buy because his dad's (free) car only has two doors and that would be inconvenient for when he drives his pals around . He'll learn .

OP posts:

CassieBearRawr · 22/09/2015 08:14

I wouldn't. Newer drivers are more likely to have accidents due to inexperience so I wouldn't be letting a new driver, regardless of relationship, in my car, let alone a large car with a big engine, and especially not if it was my baby. It doesn't make you unreasonable or irrational or mean or anything else anyone might say. You're not obligated to lend your car out to whoever wants a go.

InimitableJeeves · 22/09/2015 08:14

You'd have to add him to your own insurance. And I have to say from bitter experience that adding even a 25 year old female driver who has only just passed her test to your insurance is bloody expensive. Tell him if he wants to drive your car he can pay the insurance premium.

Goldmandra · 22/09/2015 08:18

DD1's 20 year old boyfriend of two weeks asked DH (!) if he could borrow my Freelander for a week to see if it was worth him buying one.

Oh how I laughed.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/09/2015 08:18

Just Say No. I have a blanket rule that nobody drives my car (which unlike yours is a dinky little runaround and didn't cost much more than a full set of tyres and tank of petrol would cost you, but it's mine ). That way there's no arguing about who you trust, unfair judgements on their driving, what happens in the unlikely event of an accident, who pays for insurance... the answer is simply no, nobody drives my car. It's totally fair.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 22/09/2015 08:18

I think you've been more than generous to offer him the use of a car. His friends have legs presumably and can climb in the back of a car? When I was younger, everyone had to do this.

My parents never let me drive their cars and I never had a problem with it. They did, very generously, buy and insure an old but safe car for me. I shall be forever grateful that they did that and will in turn do the same for my DC when they are old enough.

Your DS has been offered a car. If he wants one with 4 doors that is a bit more powerful (which is probably the reason he wants yours), by all means let him save up and pay for it! Until then, he should just be grateful!

Additionally, I think a 2.2 for someone who has just passed their test is a bit too powerful. I'd be having palpitations too.

FeelingSmurfy · 22/09/2015 08:22

Adding you to his insurance would bring the cost down BUT if you are not driving the car at all then its fraud and the insurance would be invalid if they found out (and if anything happened they WOULD find out because they look for any excuse not to pay out)

Moneysavingexpert did a lot about it, they are all about saving money but very clearly pointed this out

19lottie82 · 22/09/2015 08:29

Check the whole "insured on own car so can drive any other third party" thing. My DB passed his test last month at the age of 24 and a lot of insurance companies don't offer this until the driver is 25, he found out.

19lottie82 · 22/09/2015 08:31

feelingsmurry that's incorrect I'm afraid. You can have someone as a second driver without them driving the car. It's fronting you're thinking of which is illegal / fraudulent. (When someone with more experience is named as the main driver, when they're not, to reduce costs)

Mrsjayy · 22/09/2015 08:42

He just wants to drive your fancy pants car say no son the insurance is to high although dd got a weeks insurance for her dads car also a fancy pants car and he sat in the back and didnt watch her drive it.

CecilyP · 22/09/2015 08:43

There is no way that you should let him drive it without his being a named driver on your insurance. Once you find out the cost, it would probably be too much to consider. The cost of having ds on my insurance only really went down when he turned 26.

I don't think it is fraud to have anyone as a second driver if they never get round to driving the car. It is fraud if the person named as the main driver is not in fact the main driver.

Mrsjayy · 22/09/2015 08:44

Dd is 22 and passed her test 3 years ago though

19lottie82 · 22/09/2015 08:53

I'm 33 and my Mum has never ever let me drive her car! My Dad never used to but started letting me drive it about a year ago.

Keeptrudging · 22/09/2015 08:58

It would depend on what kind of roads the drive to Granny's is on. Are there quieter/safer sections you could let him drive on?

IPokeBadgers · 22/09/2015 09:01

You have already given him access to one car, which is very generous. He does not need access to the other. Just say no.

This sums it up for me. So YANBU if you don't want him driving your car.

ProvisionallyAnxious · 22/09/2015 09:02

If he wants to share the drive - would this mean extended motorway/dual carriageway stretches? After he hasn't driven since his test?

LadyB49 · 22/09/2015 09:05

When my ds visits from abroad I put him on my insurance as a named driver, for one month. It costs £30 for admin. However he is mid 30s.

DisappointedOne · 22/09/2015 09:08

You couldn't be more wrong there Smurf. As a PP poster says, adding a more experienced driver is fine, so long as you don't put them in as main driver when they aren't.

DisappointedOne · 22/09/2015 09:10

BTW, even smaller engines can be more powerful. My 2.2L 4X4 has 175bhp (powerful enough) but my 2L has 350bhp (way too much for a new driver).

coconutpie · 22/09/2015 09:11

No way, not a 2.2L for somebody who has only just passed their test. Also, ignoring the massive engine size, there is no way I'd consider allowing him drive it unless he had fully comprehensive insurance. Otherwise if he had any sort of an accident while driving, he would not be covered at all.

ToriaPumpkin · 22/09/2015 09:11

It was going to cost £150 to put my mid fifties, had a licence since he was 17 and has licences for anything with wheels, step dad on the policy for my 2L volvo estate mid policy. I'd suggest looking that cost up first before you tie yourself in knots over it all.

MaxPepsi · 22/09/2015 09:19

I learnt to drive in my own car - a 1.4 clio. My instructors car was a small fiesta.

I passed my test and immediately drove my husbands 2.2l 4WD Landrover Discovery.
In fact, he never really got to drive it again until I sold my clio and subsequent car and got something I was happier with.

Put him on the insurance as a named driver for the duration of the trip. THe fact he lives at a different address should have no baring. We insure a '3rd party' on my DH's van who doesn't share our address. Plus, we've borrowed my mum's car in the past and been put on the insurance for a week living at a different address.

DisappointedOne · 22/09/2015 09:20

Named driver addresses aren't even collected, but relationship to main driver may be.

pinkdelight · 22/09/2015 09:29

YANBU at all to say no. It's your car. End of. 21yo's don't get to drive cars like that unless they can buy their own. And then they normally wreck them, hence the insurance costs. You have been more than generous. Don't get guilted into it by an over-indulgent conscience. Stay with your gut instinct.

LyndaNotLinda · 22/09/2015 09:29

I wouldn't let someone of that age who had just passed their test drive a powerful, extremely heavy car, no.

YANBU.

sparechange · 22/09/2015 09:42

You can either put him on your insurance as a named driver, or you can try one of the 'temp cover' sites, which will give him his own temporary insurance, usually for a week or fortnight. I don't think you need to inform your insurance company if you do the latter.

Is your car diesel? Because they do drive differently to (small) petrol cars, so I would point that out to him and say he would need to show you he can drive it around a car park, pull away and reverse safely, before being let lose on a long journey on busy roads. And 6 hours is waaaaay too long for an inexperienced driver to be behind the wheel, so maybe an hour max of the total journey?

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