Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? probably, but come and commiserate with me anyway....

61 replies

TheProdigalSquonk · 22/09/2015 06:56

DP pays his ex £400 a month in maintenance. This is far and above the £40 per month that the CSA (equivalent) suggests.

My ex pays nothing to me, far and below the £200 per month that the CSA (equivalent) suggests.

I'm working on my ex, will go through the CSA equivalent if I have to, I know there's nothing else I can do on that.

Meanwhile, DP's ex is bragging to friends and family about the super expensive holiday she's taking their kids on, and basically laughing at DP for being a mug and paying her what he is doing.

So...... I'm proud of DP for being responsible, proud of him for not caring what the money he pays goes towards, that was what they agreed he would pay and he's sticking to it.

BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD TO BE £600 DOWN EACH MONTH!!!!!

Hate exes!!!!!

Ok, rant over, as you were ladies Smile

OP posts:
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 22/09/2015 06:58

My ex pays us nothing each month either.
And he brags to our 12 year old about the holidays he has been on.
Exes are great, aren't they?

Original poster
TheProdigalSquonk · 22/09/2015 07:01

Meanwhile my ex didn't have our kids this weekend as normal because he was in Paris....

It's the double whammy of not receiving, but still paying out. Confirms I am now with the right man though Confused

OP posts:
Every1KnowsJeffHesUsuallyACunt · 22/09/2015 07:05

My ex hasn't paid for (or seen) the dc in 5 years. He owes me about £1800 I think it is.

Meanwhile, he continues to work (cash in hand) doing mechanics and buying and selling cars. Currently has 2 for sale both priced over £1k.

The mind boggles.

Lweji · 22/09/2015 07:05

Joining in. Ex claims not being able to afford to pay maintenance.

As for your dp's ex, what really matters is that the children are benefiting. She could be telling people how great he is, not necessarily laughing at him for being a mug. Unless she uses those words. Question the motives of people who come back and report to you.

Original poster
TheProdigalSquonk · 22/09/2015 07:09

Oh no, she's definitely laughing, but you're right, what matters is that it's for the dc's benefit, that's why he's paying it and why he doesn't begrudge it. I don't begrudge it either, am just feeling envious because we have about £4 in the bank till the end of the month and I've had to raid the back of the settee for dd's lunch money today

OP posts:
ShebaShimmyShake · 22/09/2015 07:13

Every1Knows, that sounds like tax evasion. HMRC would be very interested. And that's nothing to do with revenge, tax evasion is a crime that hurts honest workers and honest benefits claimers.

Original poster
TheProdigalSquonk · 22/09/2015 07:20

Good point, sheba.....

OP posts:
stopfaffing · 22/09/2015 07:20

Nothing really to offer, OP, except to say that your DP is a keeper by the sound of it and, his ex may be laughing but others will have respect for his responsible behaviour, plus the children will benefit and he will reap the benefits in future. Its very frustrating that your ex is a bum though.

Original poster
TheProdigalSquonk · 22/09/2015 07:25

Thank you SF, that's how I feel. I'm just feeling especially down and worried about money today, and seeing fb posts from his ex about how my dp is a mug for paying what he does, the dream holiday that's being booked etc, then seeing what a fantastic time my ex has had in France.... well, it doesn't help Sad

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 22/09/2015 07:28

I can see why this is so annoying and it's horrible being down to so little money, BUT you have your lovely, responsible DP and his ex doesn't. All the trips to Paris in the world won't make up for that.

And as for your idiot ex...would you rather be on holiday with him or scrabbling for change at the back of the sofa with your DP? I know what I'd choose.

Original poster
TheProdigalSquonk · 22/09/2015 07:32

FDT. I chose well Smile

OP posts:
Sighing · 22/09/2015 07:34

Sympathy from me. Exes can be such imbeciles. You're with your partner, because, clearly, he's gotca spine and responsibility.
Mine falls into the middle ground these days (minimum CSA, usually pays, bitches at me for spending "so much" on shoes, trips, uniforms ... making him look bad apparently Hmm)

Every1KnowsJeffHesUsuallyACunt · 22/09/2015 07:36

Sheba - I already reported him. 10 months ago...and he's still managing to do what he's doing unchallenged and unashamed.

Bastard.

GloGirl · 22/09/2015 07:36

If he's paying £560 more than he should be a month and you only have £4 to last you till the end of the month - I think he needs to cut it down.

As well as you chasing your ex.

fastdaytears · 22/09/2015 07:37

Yes you really did! You should be proud of that for you and your DD. five seconds on the relationships board will show that not everyone's choice of DP is as good.

Oh but YANBU to be pissed off!

irrumabo · 22/09/2015 07:39

why is your kid on school dinners instead of packed lunches if money is so tight? don't u meet the criteria for FSM?

irrumabo · 22/09/2015 07:40

www.gov.uk/apply-free-school-meals

Original poster
TheProdigalSquonk · 22/09/2015 07:41

Glo - he won't cut down because this is what he agreed with his ex when they split up, it was what she needed extra to be able to pay the mortgage etc. Her circs have changed and he doesn't feel that it would be fair to penalise her for that, the money is for the dc after all.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheProdigalSquonk · 22/09/2015 07:43

Irumabo - no we don't meet the criteria, I have a reasonably well paid job, it's just not good enough to stand being £600 down before we start! And she's not taking a packed lunch because E did an Iceland shop at weekend (things MUST be tight!) so every bit of food in the house needs to be cooked - no bread etc

OP posts:
Katedotness1963 · 22/09/2015 08:18

In his shoes I would pay her the minimum and put the rest into bank accounts for his kids futures. A future when she doesn't get her hands on the money!

Original poster
TheProdigalSquonk · 22/09/2015 08:21

We did discuss that, tbh it makes no difference as we still wouldn't have that money available to us, although it might make me feel a little less meh about it. She is using the money for the benefit of the dc, it's just the smug bragging that annoys me

OP posts:
JawannaDrink · 22/09/2015 10:45

40 quid would be an insanely low amount for him to pay, 400 sounds much more like it. They are his children, he should be paying a sensible amount for them. It's not like he deserves a medal for paying towards his own children.

I don't think there is a woman on this site who would think 40 quid a month was enough maintenance for (at least 2?) kids if they were the mother of them. And that includes you, OP.

ImperialBlether · 22/09/2015 10:57

It's ridiculous that he's paying 10 times the amount he should and yet he is having to look for coins down the back of sofas to feed himself. Are you sure it's £40 he's supposed to pay? How can he justify paying so much over the odds when they clearly don't need all that and you are completely broke?

And why doesn't he make a comment on her FB page?

MsTargaryen · 22/09/2015 11:01

He should compromise and pay her a little less so you all actually have money but still more than the minimum because the minimum is a cop out.

MsTargaryen · 22/09/2015 11:01

Also, if it's the smug bragging that annoys you, stop checking Facebook!