AIBU? probably, but come and commiserate with me anyway....

[TheProdigalSquonk]

DP pays his ex £400 a month in maintenance. This is far and above the £40 per month that the CSA (equivalent) suggests.

My ex pays nothing to me, far and below the £200 per month that the CSA (equivalent) suggests.

I'm working on my ex, will go through the CSA equivalent if I have to, I know there's nothing else I can do on that.

Meanwhile, DP's ex is bragging to friends and family about the super expensive holiday she's taking their kids on, and basically laughing at DP for being a mug and paying her what he is doing.

So...... I'm proud of DP for being responsible, proud of him for not caring what the money he pays goes towards, that was what they agreed he would pay and he's sticking to it.

BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD TO BE £600 DOWN EACH MONTH!!!!!

Hate exes!!!!!

Ok, rant over, as you were ladies

Sorry for hijack, but TheProdigalSquonk, are you the poster who used to post as just Squonk?

Well, I wouldn't be subsidising her. That's just crazy! Your money is for your own children and yourself, OP. It's not for his ex to take their children to Florida.

Stop doing it. Take screenshots of her comments and review the situation. Keep your income out of it. You're not even married to him - sorry, but that would make a difference to me, but even so my wages are for my children, nobody else's.

Imperial I'm with you. I really don't think the OP should be subsidising it, especially if it affects her DD which I bet it is.

I do think there is a middle way somewhere here.
If your DP can't support his ex's expenses in the home she is at, then she should relocate. That's what happens when couples split up and can't afford the same lifestyle. Or she decides to buy him out if she can afford it.

I'm assuming he has the children a few days per week and he also needs to provide a roof for them as well as food. Was that taken into account?

Countess.... yes, tis I

But Lweji, if she can afford to take her kids on £6k holidays then she should in theory be able to manage minus the £400 a month maintenance in the same house should he skip the country tomorrow with £100 still left over for groceries.

Both of them are taking the mega piss out of the OP. He's getting a nice quiet life with the ex off his back plus food board and lodging at the OPs expense while she's ferreting down the back of the sofa for change to feed her kid.

It has occurred to me that he may not even be passing on the money the OP is giving and might have been trousering it himself.

Yes, but let's forget how much the mother can afford or not and just think what would be a fair contribution towards the child's expenses.

For example, I can perfectly afford DS's expenses, but exH should certainly contribute a fair amount to DS. That should be a percentage of his income. Not what I or DS need to keep our current lifestyle.

The amount the OP pays on behalf of her DP isn't fair- she's paying way too much! I don't think I could keep my head held high if I knew another woman was paying me all that money, (any money in fact), especially if it meant she can't feed her child. But the ex in the OP brags about it so that says a lot about her as a person.

Have pmed you, ProdigalSquonk

So he isn't paying £400? You are subsidising him paying £400 if you are the higher earner, and that is not as admirable.
I would decrease the payments in this case. Your family shouldn't suffer.

The fact that she's bragging about it would make me put a stop to it right away. What an idiot.