to think that a youth club residential should not let a group a girls exclude one member like this?

[anauntiewhoisannoyed]

Over the summer, DNiece (aged 14) went on a residential trip away with some members of her youth club, all roughly her age. The group comprised three boys, five girls, one male leader and one female leader. They stayed in a cabin which had four rooms, each with four beds in. This is how they slept:

In Room 1: all three boys and the male leader.
In Room 2: all of the four other girls.
In Room 3: DNiece and the female leader.

DNiece came back extremely upset at having been excluded by the other four girls, who she says ‘ran straight to the room so they could all get in first’ – she says she’d begged the leaders to let her put another mattress on the floor, but had been told she couldn’t. I don’t know whether the other four were purposely trying to exclude her, or were simply so thoughtless that they didn’t realise how upset DNiece would be.

DNiece has no issues or SNs which would require anyone to think she should be put in a room alone with a leader. AIBU to think that they should have split the girls up so that two or three of them were sharing with the female leader?

Totally agree with you- if she'd really wanted to sleep in there they should have allowed her, there needn't be an air mattress three or four cushions would do. Or a splitting of rooms. Either way it was narrow minded and unfair.

Yes they should, and they should have thought about how rooms would be allocated ahead of time, not left it to become a bundle.

How did she get on during the rest of the trip?

Yes, it was unfair. But 'over the summer' and you're still brooding on it now? Time to let it go.

Awful but tbh my biggest concern when I read that was child protection.

They had adult leaders sleeping in with young people? And sleeping alone with one young person? Are they mad?

I can understand them not allowing a mattress on the floor , though - potential risk

Sirzy

Yes!

Wow that's wrong for so many reasons. Venue sounds totally unsuitable for size and mix of group.

Actually, good point there Sirzy.

Oh I feel for her because that was me. No one ever wanted to share with me. I still burn with humiliation when I think about the residential weekend quiz, where we had to get into teams of 6, literally no one would have me on their team so there was me and 2 leaders on a team. The leaders werent even going to participate, they pretended they really wanted to and jollies me along with "yeah we want to play, will you be on our team, please?!" Ugh, awful. I sat through the whole quiz trying not to cry (I was 15!).

These things definitely shouldn't be allowed to happen :(

Re child protection: oh dear. TBH it hadn't crossed my mind.

Re "letting it go": I know, I know. All I want though is to be able to reassure DNiece, who is still upset.

Agree with sirzy. Why are leaders sharing rooms with the children?

Given that there were only four rooms I suppose - the leaders wouldn't have wanted to share.

Four rooms..one for the boys, one for the gorls, one for male leader, one for female leader...im with your dneice but for other reasons.

Better for leaders to share together than with young people though. They are adults and presumably if they are comfortable that each adult can be trusted to share with children then they can be trusted to share together. If not then its even worse.

Does this organisation have "camp" policies?

I'm just amazed that they can have leaders sharing with the children, and that they hadn't thought through the sleeping arrangements in advance. Of course your DN should have been able to share with her friends. Is she going back to this group this term?

I doubt fire regulations would allow then to put a mattress on the floor.

But I'm astounded at leaders in with children. Really not generally allowed.

I suspect what happened though in this situation is more a lack of thought. They went in first, maybe they'd been before and wanted to bagsie beds, and the leaders along the lines of "everyone seems happy" so we won't worry, and just didn't think about it. If she wasn't excluded during the day then it probably wasn't deliberately done to upset her.

My first thought was "they were a room short". Then - the adult leaders would have to share.

DH is an Adult Instructor with the Army Cadets. They have to split sleeping/toileting as:

Male cadets under 18
Male cadets 18 and over (they can cadet until 18.5 at the moment - so end of sixth form)
Female cadets under 18
Female cadets 18 and over
Male Adult Instructors
Female Adult Instructors

If there aren't enough rooms/toilet facilities to split, then it's the adult instructors who lose out and have to share (I pity the poor people who have to share with DH because of his snoring, but he takes foam earplugs for everyone because I am considerate!). The kids absolutely CAN NOT deviate from the Plan for safeguarding reasons.

em Guiding rules are very similar, other than that people sometimes sleep in large halls with girls and leaders in the same actual room but in separate sections and obviously that's big numbers not 1:1

Thank you all so much.

The group is a small and very amateur community set-up with nothing like the organisation skill or expertise of cadets or guides.

DNiece has refused to return as a result of what happens. I think she's well away from them all.

What kind of youth group is it? I do some work with a group where members members leave at their 19th birthday. The 18yos aren't allowed to share with the younger members, let alone adult leaders in with the kids!

That aside, yes they should have split the group differently. Fire regs might have prevented them squeezing dn in the other room but it does sound like there was all kinds of wrong with this trip.

I would share with a male leader before even dreaming of sharing with a young person.

I would also say they were at least 1 if not 2 leaders short.

I'm finding it utterly bizarre that any adults shared rooms with any kids, especially a single adult with a single youth. Would.not.happen in groups I've been involved with.

this is very very wrong as others have said. ALL youth organisations have to abide by strict safeguarding rules - and this one is not only allowing one child to be bullied/left out, but is allowing leaders to room share with them. absolutely not on at all. Not saying anything untoward is involved here but it is just totally lacking in common sense and setting themselves up for allegations. It is about protecting the leaders as well as protecting the youngsters in their care. Unbelievable!

Is this a church group? Don't know why and I probably should be ashamed of myself, but it sounds like a church group.

Former brownie leader here. It is a massive no no for adults to share sleeping accommodation with children. In fact when children turn 18 they are no longer allowed to share with their 17 year old peers around these parts due to very strict child protection issues. It is really that strict.