to think that a youth club residential should not let a group a girls exclude one member like this?

[anauntiewhoisannoyed]

Over the summer, DNiece (aged 14) went on a residential trip away with some members of her youth club, all roughly her age. The group comprised three boys, five girls, one male leader and one female leader. They stayed in a cabin which had four rooms, each with four beds in. This is how they slept:

In Room 1: all three boys and the male leader.
In Room 2: all of the four other girls.
In Room 3: DNiece and the female leader.

DNiece came back extremely upset at having been excluded by the other four girls, who she says ‘ran straight to the room so they could all get in first’ – she says she’d begged the leaders to let her put another mattress on the floor, but had been told she couldn’t. I don’t know whether the other four were purposely trying to exclude her, or were simply so thoughtless that they didn’t realise how upset DNiece would be.

DNiece has no issues or SNs which would require anyone to think she should be put in a room alone with a leader. AIBU to think that they should have split the girls up so that two or three of them were sharing with the female leader?

I'm also involved in a major denomination. We are having to recruit more volunteers to work with children, as one of our activities involves specialist training which is often carried out 1:1, except we always have to have an extra adult in the room "just in case".

I do know people involved in Youth work at another local Church have been facebook friends with young people - and that really concerns me. Not that anything untoward is going on, but that it is dangerous for the youth leader.

Agree with pudcat I would be concerned that it's still bothering her, weeks after it has happened.

Especially with the bizarre room sharing.

I dont think it's odd that dn is still upset - being treated like that and having adults let it happen is the sort of thing that scars you for life and still hurts years later.

So many things wrong with that trip though

I agree with everyone else, but I'm going to say it again, so you have more evidence:

What happened to your DN was horrible, and the leaders should have been sensitive to how hurt she was and done something about it.

As an entirely separate issue, they have been very, very wrong to allowed the sleeping arrangements to be this. Even if they are good people (and I'm sure they are) what they have allowed to happen - in this new Jimmy Saville world - is opened themselves up to allegations that could happen in 30/40 years time and they won't have a leg to stand on.

They should be aware of that, and then consider how they let your DN down.

There ARE occasions when the children/teens can share with adults under safeguarding rules... but it is under specialist circumstances. I work in special Ed and we do residential trips every year...and every year I get the joy of sharing a bedroom with a pupil... sometimes with another adult and pupil sometimes just me and the child. But we work under special rules for severe disability. Otherwise just no.

Aside from that, I remember being in a similar position (excluded from the group of girls for no reason I could fathom) many many years ago and it still stings. Your Dneice is well out of that group :(

Agree my first response was horror at one leader sharing a room with one child.

Another guider here, and that is an absolute screaming siren of NO. We're not allowed to be 1:1 at any time, but that the leader even thought for a split second that this was ok is absurd.

The room plan should've been done in advance and either let DN have a mattress with the other girls or split the equally between two rooms. The leaders should have shared. Or slept in a communal living room or something.

If leaders absolutely have to share with kids (eg everyone in one room together), it should be in a separate area and with multiple children and preferably multiple leaders.

I'm sorry I know that wasn't your point. I thought this was going to be about girls being bitchy and leaders not noticing, but this was enforced by leaders which is not on at all. Poor DN, but I think she's better off without this particular group anyway! Is there anything else locally she can do?

I think you and your dsil need to do a bit more than just speak to the safeguarding people at the church.

You need to put an account of what happened and your concerns in writing to the Senior Safeguarding person and escalate it as high as possible.

In addition to the stupidity of the leaders, there was clearly no-one overseeing the arrangements for this trip (too few leaders in addition to sleeping arrangements) so it"s possible that the senior Safeguarding person is also incompetent and/or had no idea of what was going on.

OP, do you have the contact details for the safeguarding officer at the church concerned? I would be very careful of just doing this locally, they are bound to want to hush it up when they realise how wrong and downright stupid this was. Do you have contact details for a regional office at all - you can probably find out contact info on a church's main website.

OP this link might be helpful

www.churchsafe.org.uk/