Should children be encouraged to offer their seats to adults?

[cornflowers]

At ds's gymnatics class, the parents all wait upstairs and watch from a sort of balcony. There aren't enough seats for everyone, so unless you're slightly early (almost never happens in my case!) you can't be sure of a seat. A lot of parents bring other dc along with them, so there are often several children in seats while adults are left to stand. This week, one little boy (approx 3-4 yrs) was alternately sitting on the floor/standing but had put three soft toys on his seat. I'd had an exhausting day & my back was aching from standing up for so long, so I asked the dm of this child whether I could sit in the chair occupied by the soft toys. She said, "Sorry, no, we're using that." AIBU to think that small children can sit on their parents laps in situations like this, and that adults should be offered a seat?

Well, exactly Koala, and orderofwork - I'd expect a child / young person to offer the chair to an adult / older person, and, if that person happened to be either of your parents, then they have the choice to decline, as they clearly fit outside the "generalisation" that you become a little less flexible as you get older.

Tondelayo I think a child not being able to sit on the floor is FAR more of an issue than an adult not being able to - maybe the dc should do yoga is that's a cure all to joint difficulties.

Ds2 has learning difficulties and i used to have to take him regularly on a long tube journey to hospital in London starting from when he was nine. I instilled in him right from the beginning that he was to offer his seat to people if he had a seat and they didnt. He does it now automatically!

TondelayoSchwarzkopf

My dad has two replacement knees that don't fully bend and never will. All the yoga in the world won't help with that so sitting on the floor is always an issue.

And quite a few older people will have hip/knee replacements so may well have similar issues that won't be apparent.

I don't think children should automatically have to stand up for adults, but I do think people should take priority over soft toys!
I would expect my children to stand up for someone old, pregnant or obviously in need, but not otherwise. Children get tired too and if they are there before you then they are perfectly entitled to sit in the chairs in my opinion.

Sod off with your yoga comments.

No way could I sit on the floor because of all sorts of physical issues in getting up again, none of which would be solved by yoga

I never understand this issue on MN. Of course children should stand up for adults.

Yes I do think a child should give up their seat to an adult. But that seems t be an old fashioned view on here.

I would tell my kids to give up their chair for an adult in this particular example.

On a train or bus I think it is acceptable for children to sit rather than adults, but I do think that in the situation like the one in the OP, that children do not need to occupy seats. They are at no great risk from being thrown off their seat when the ground is not moving and should be quite capable of sitting on the floor.

And soft toys especially do not need to take up a seat. I would have thrown them on the ground and dared the woman to argue with me about it.

Yes, children should stand up for adults - unless there are very specific circumstances ie: disability/SN.

I would never expect my healthy child to use a seat and let an adult to stand. I also expect gentlemen to stand up for ladies and would be mortified if my DH remained seated if a woman was standing; and I would always stand up for an older person or pregnant woman.

I am happy to be seen as old fashioned with good manners.

If children without SN can not sit on a floor, they urgently need either more PE to improve flexibility, or to be taken to their GP.

We were brought up to offer seats to an adult. My children were brought up the same. I don't look as though I need a seat, but after a knee replacement and the other knee heading the same way, I physically cant sit on the floor or stand for long periods. So you might look at me and think there's no reason for me to need a seat, but actually I do. (I'm young to need knee surgery,it was caused by injuries sustained playing competitive tennis in my teens/twenties).
There has to be a very good reason for children to take up seats whilst adults stand, imo.

Yes of course but not on MN where no child is fat.

The majority of children I know spend a huge amount of time sitting on the floor. At school, playing with toys and the like. Would it have really been that much of an inconvenience for the child, who wasn't actually sat in the chair to have given it to the op? Unless there is a genuine reason for the child to need to sit, I think it should have been given up. Transport is a different matter altogether. Surely it is just good manners? The child could have sat in the mother's lap. Maybe you should have plonked yourself in her lap op, maybe next time she'll chose to take the soft toys.

I don't think a child should automatically be expected to give up their seat. Toys should obviously!

If it's about wanting to seat, then no one is more entitled. If it's about need, it's different. I wouldn't see it as good manners, it's about superiority. I wouldn't want my friends kids or nephews to feel they had to get up so I could sit.

Always makes me laugh at family gatherings, my sisters and I are expected to sit on the floor. It comes from when we were younger and we had to sit in the floor for the adults. I love pointing out to my mum that I'm older now than she was when she expected me to do this!

I will not sod off with my yoga comments - which people have not read properly. I used the word 'many' not 'ALL'

An adult is someone over the age of 18. Most AB people over the age of 18 should be able to sit on the floor with ease assuming no illness, disability etc prevents them. I'm obviously not talking about people with arthritis, joint problems etc.

The idea that all adults are automatically entitled to a seat is bollocks. I would make my kids stand for my MIL with arthritis. I wouldn't for my marathon running 30 something friends.

But the point is how do you know who is able bodied? I have a good friend who has hyper mobility. She looks so fit and healthy but is often in a lot of pain with her joints. In early pregnancy, although I look no different to any other healthy adult, I get very dizzy and faint if I have been standing still for a little while. Yet unless we carried signs around our neck you would never know. Surely the polite thing to do, if you have a small child that would easily fit in your lap, is to offer.

That's it exactly. I wouldnt expect anyone to give up their seat for me as it's highly unlikely I need it more than they do and they were there first. Therefore, it simply wouldn't occur to me to ask my d c to move for the benefit of someone like me.

Of course if I could see, or was told that they did have greater need dc (or I) would move.

The toys had no right to be there though, no matter how old or disabled they were.

In this case though it's not child's need versus adults needs, it is whether some entitled selfish soft toys need a seat more than an adult with a bad back.

I would argue that soft toys do not need seats at all, they need a one way ticket to a car boot sale so some other mug can give them houseroom.

I would expect my children to give up their seats for an adult, including on public transport once they are capable of holding on. It's the way I was brought up and the way I brought them up.
The exception is my youngest, my daughter who is autistic and doesn't understand things such as manners and social behaviour. When we're out in public I have to focus on her not having a meltdown . I consider autism to be a disability (at least when it is as severe as her case is).

Exactly 3littelbadgers. The child /young person should offer ( or, if too young/shy/engrossed in what they are doing, their parent should offer), and all these superfit marathon running adults who don't want/ need a seat can say "No, thank you, I'm fine, but that's really nice of you to offer"
Everyone around thinks 'what nicely brought up dc'. Everyone is happy. End of.

I agree with noeffingidea. Children should offer seats to all adults standing. If an adult declines it, then fine.

Also in a situation like this, where a set number of families are waiting for a set time, I would think that one family shouldn't take up an unfair proportion of the available seats.

Young children waiting for their siblings rarely sit in one seat; they mess around, get up and down, play with their toys, etc. These are all things they can easily do from the floor.

The idea of a seat being occupied by soft toys while people stand is dreadful. And I do think children should be taught to give their seats to the elderly and the infirm.