to think women without kids look younger than mums?

[Cantz77]

I'm in my mid 40's now with 1 kid under 10 and one of 19 years old. I look and feel at least my age (on a good day) and when I look around the women I know who are roughly my age I notice that the only ones who really stand out as being very youthful looking are those who have never had kids. A few I would even say haven't changed since their early 30's while myself and the rest of the mothers seem to have deflated and expanded in all the wrong places since having kids. I noticed this even after having my 1st when I was in my 20's and still young. I think having kids really does take a lasting toll on your looks, not that I regret it I love my kids and would rather look like quasimodo than lose them but it is a bit of a raw deal!

When I am old, I shall wear purple...

Me too! But how will I know when I'm old

Well, I've started wearing purple years ago, but keep my swearing in the street to a minimum

But on the other hand that sort of out of the house 7am-7pm, lunches from pret, after work drinks lifestyle that makes you knackered tends to stop after people have children...whereas if someone carried on through their 30s and 40s I could see that making them look older because it's not necessarily very healthy...

I think also the age you have your children at/the circumstances you're in probably tend to have an affect...say single 20year old in a tiny flat vs. married 28year old in a house with no big money worries...because obviously childen can be exhausting but some people have the extra cushion of a partner/less financial stress etc.

I think it's more about the individual to be honest. It is naive to think that childless women always have more time, more money, less stress, more sleep because insomnia and a general shitty life can affect anyone.

If people want to pay attention to their looks etc, then great. But that is nothing really to do with someone's reproductive status.

I disagree.

But when I see my friends in their 40s who aren't mums, I am always surprised they look older.

I must sub consciously think they have no reason to age!

I don't think there's a generally applicable rule but I recall one beautiful friend aged severely after having her children, she was young ish when she had them. I have another friend who was older when she had hers and doesn't apear to have aged since she was 12.

I look young and a lot is probably due to having children young. Before my early 20s would be out partying it as it is friday, instead I have had a big bottle of water, dyed my hair, had a chicken salad and done a 1 and half hour workout. Rock and roll.

I'm impressed that most people on here look younger than their actual age. Perhaps the secret to youthful looks is regular MN posting?!

I think women age muh quicker after children and apparently men do too (mainly by putting on weight). This has been in the media recently.

m.livescience.com/51611-fatherhood-weight-gain.html

No,I'm 40 with 5DC,2 of our children are disabled and I've been seriously ill and disabled for nearly 7 years now and I get mistaken for our oldest sons(19) girlfriend/big sister on a regular basis.Poor little sod I'm sure it's going to traumatise hime People always presume that my DH is older than me and he's not he's 7 years younger,he really appreciates that

When I've been out with friends/my nieces I was always the one that got I'd even when we went out for my 34th birthday.

I think having children for me has kept me young,my Mum always said the same about after she'd had me,unlike my poor Dad he was always being mistaken for my Grandad lol.

I am 40, I look in the mirror and see an old hag!
My face would probably look ok if I hade the time or energy to sort out my hair/ eyebrows and general scruffiness

i regularly get asked for ID and i'm 35. i've got 3 kids.

my face looks young, but underneath my clothes is a different story!

I agree that when the children are very young we do look more haggard by and large owing to the interrupted sleep and their constant demands.

Genetics has a major role to play as does healthy eating taking supplements and a good skincare regime. Luckily I have all of these going for me and ds is ten and I have looked way better the past few years but some of that is also because I had the money to buy a hair straightener/styler again and straightening my hair does wonders for me and takes years off me!

I have always been vain in the skincare department and a fanatic ref drinking water in abundance and eating prunes daily (very anti aging) and don't smoke and barely drink so all these factors help no end.

I think that's the difference 30something mum, a lot of parents put on weight when they have children. I don't see any reason why children should make anyone gain weight.

Well... First child.... The weight drops off you, right? The second child comes along... You're dealing with a toddler and are around nursery food all the time, then the waste annoys you and you eat their leftovers..... Then husband comes home and he needs feeding too...grateful for adult conversation, you end up eating with him too.... The man whose been on the go all day then decides he deserves tea and biscuits at nine... And you think "fuck it, I e had a tough day too".... Repeat to fade.

Going to bed at nine and beginning a skin care routine (at forty) has taken years off me in recent weeks....

It suppose it depends on priorities. I am full timr worker with 3 children and 1 is a baby. I did 1 and half hour exercise last night and I have already done half an hour this morning. I am 8 stone at present but want a more defined stomach.

I don't think I look older as such but I look far more exhausted after my second child and that adds time onto the face. With my first daughter she was a great sleeper and napped mid morning so id spend time doing my makeup and hair. With my youngest she wakes, on average, twice a night (is 6mo) and is awake all morning leaving little time to shower leisurely and spend time on my makeup. I'm breastfeeding so DP can't do night feeds which means it's all on me.

I'm shattered and it shows.

A few I would even say haven't changed since their early 30's They may look younger now - not having had to tolerate the ravages of sleepless nights etc - but I think a couple of decades down the line you'll find that having had children is what keeps you young. I think having kids and seeing them grow up means you can't deny the passing years and so update your look accordingly. Still having the same look you had in your early 30s 20 or 30 years down the line is one of the most ageing things you can do when you get to a certain age and I would say it is my friends without children are the ones most likely to have gone down this route.

I got pregnant with my eldest near enough four years ago, and have definitely aged more than four years in that time. But it's true that it's just one of a number of factors.

No weight gain for myself or DH post dc.

I think genes, sun, alcohol, smoking are the main reasons people age. No one can do anything about their genetics.

I have been told I have lovely skin but its mainly genetics and I dont smoke or drink and I am seen often with a full brimmed sun hat when very sunny.

The time you age and you can do very little is post menopause. I looked much younger until after the hormonal changes. Now I look like a trim middle aged woman whereas before I looked a good decade younger.

I agree with you OP. Providing that you don't smoke/drink like a fish, are active and take reasonable care of yourself (i.e. we compare like with like), the women I know in their late 40s and beyond without children look younger (on the whole) than women with children. Time/money/stress/etc plays a big part.

ibot, it's not just priorities though. I have 4 and put on a lot of weight each pregnancy. I have HG in pg so the only way to stop vomiting is to eat continually and it can't be just anything, it has to be stodge. It literally is the only way to function in pregnancy otherwise I'd spend even more time hospitalised on a drip.

I was s sahm for many years. Dh works long hours, often out the country so I snacked and ate junk. I was probably depressed, certainly bored. So although I did lose most of the of weight, I retained about half a stone each pg. so after 4 I was just over 2stone overweight. I also struggled to get to the gym with a husband often away or not in until 9pm. We have no living family so nobody to help out either through the week or when I was in my own at the weekend. My DC3 has autism so often doesn't settle to sleep until after midnight then is awake again by 3 or 4. This is every night. I also have a baby who wakes 2 or 3 times a night.

So I would love to prioritise exercise and healthy regular meals but it's very difficult. I have now gone back to work and I've lost a stone but I'm still flabby and haggered and a long way from the very toned size 10, fresh faced bride my dh married. At the minute Im struggling to work and survive on such little sleep but I'm persevering.
Not really sure what I can change to look less stressed or exhausted tbh.

I am a lot the same no renting. We have an autistic child. I work 9 -5 then dh works 6 -10, and 11am -10pm every weekend day. I have no family and don't ever have time away from children. I think that has helped me a lot of being slim as we don't ever eat as family, it is very rare for me to eat sitting down! I like exercise though as stops me getting depressed/gives me energy.

Maybe you're right then and I'm just slack. I'm just utterly utterly exhausted. I'm almost 47, I think I'm heading into the menopause, I'm depressed and living on 3hours sleep at night. My days are either working on his 2 nursery days or spending every waking moment trying to stop him biting or hitting either me or his sister and listening to him instantly scream and head bang. I'd love to fit in exercise for my MH as much as the physical side but I just can't see how. Maybe when he goes to school and I'm less bruised and battered. At one point last year the HV who came to see newborn dd, she thought I was a battered wife.

Constantly not instantly