to think women without kids look younger than mums?

[Cantz77]

I'm in my mid 40's now with 1 kid under 10 and one of 19 years old. I look and feel at least my age (on a good day) and when I look around the women I know who are roughly my age I notice that the only ones who really stand out as being very youthful looking are those who have never had kids. A few I would even say haven't changed since their early 30's while myself and the rest of the mothers seem to have deflated and expanded in all the wrong places since having kids. I noticed this even after having my 1st when I was in my 20's and still young. I think having kids really does take a lasting toll on your looks, not that I regret it I love my kids and would rather look like quasimodo than lose them but it is a bit of a raw deal!

Namechangenell, I can't explain it their are of course some exceptions to the rule some people with lucky genes but I also know that once a women gets to a certain age the frequent compliment is "oh you look so young" or "you don't look old enough to have a child x age" and so on its fairly standard, even getting ID'd I would say.

I don't know what you look like and I their are rare exceptions to the rule (sadly not me) but so many women are in denial and you know we get used to looking at ourselves in the right way in the mirror, we hold our faces a certain way when we look in the mirror or are photographed and often we don't even know we are doing it.

I remember a girl I was at college with making fun of another girl for pulling a funny mirror face and then turned around and did the exact same thing herself and she was clueless to her behaviour!

I don't agree entirely. On the really bad days i look like St Bartholemew after the flaying - my skin just seems to hang off my face. But after a good night sleep i look okay again. I often feel a hundred, but i'm not sure i look it. Like when you are on your period and you think you have gone from a size 12 to a size 16. You know logically that you can't have done that overnight, but you still feel it.

What i would say is ime those who had children younger look way older than those who had children older. The people i meet my age (38) with teenagers look about 10-20 years older and those my age with babies look 5-10 years younger. Perhaps it's having all your 20s and most of your 30s child free that does it.

Sleep deprivation plays havoc with skin and exaggerates wrinkles. Poor diet also makes you look older. Busy, sleep-deprived mothers often eat poorly and don't get enough exercise (despite being run ragged). I think it's partly good genes, partly lifestyle factors.

I looked younger when my DC were about 6 than when they were babies because I had more sleep and had a better work/family/me balance. Nowadays I just don't sleep because of my job and consequently I look haggard!

I look a bit older after having DS (I'm 30), just through lack of sleep I think! I always wear makeup though so hopefully that hides the worn out look But I don't drink often, smoke, do drugs, party or bake in the sun (I'm not boring honestly!) so hopefully that'll delay it a bit.

Women in their 80s would laugh at this thread and think we should just be enjoying it!

I think there are so many factors to take into account when thinking about people with children and looking youthful.
I stated before I have quite a regimented beauty regime and it hasn't slackened in over 20 years, if anything it has gone up a notch as I've got older.
Things that need to be taken into account are things such as genetics, general lifestyle ( eg smoking, sun damage, drug taking, alcohol consummation, diet, negative stress etc) also support you are receiving ie having someone sharing the responsibility of parenting if you are going to make comparisons between childless women and mothers.

A childless woman who smokes, has a very rich or poor diet, drinks and has a lot of sun damage may look older than someone that has avoided these things. I can think of four people from the top of my head who fit into this group. They may look older than their years but they've had fun!

No, it's luck and genes and sunscreen mainly. Not being too thin, too, as this makes your face sag earlier.
I looked like an exhausted zombie for the first 2 years of DS' life and now look reasonably human again.

I think I look older because I'm utterly exhausted. 4 kids, inc a non sleeping baby and a wild never sleeping autistic preschooler. But I think the issue for me was waiting until late 30s to even consider children. So now I'm late 40s my body cannot cope with it all.
I think if I'd had babies in my 20s or early 30s I wouldn't be so haggered.

Yeah, more sleep and more time to spend on their personal appearance innit?

I only look 22 and I have a small baby. I can see that on a rapid decline soon however if this lack of sleep continues.

I have four DCs and look 5-10 years younger than many of my peers. It's partly genetic and partly not drinking or smoking.

Oh yes, and I use a lot of sunscreen and always wear sunglasses, always have done. I am sure that helps keep your face less knackered looking.

I dont think that necessarily rings true.

I think women with young children are often tired, haven't got the time to bother much with their appearance and so can look a bit haggard. But it generally evens out once their DC are a bit older and they have more 'me' time.

Are you even surprised ;)

im sure without kids I would look 10 years younger.

Good luck to em

I think it's a fair assumption to make seeing how bloody stressful having kids. Tell you what though, I'd take my DC alongside my wrinkles any day of the week.

No drinking or smoking here either. I have suncream in my moisturiser but I only really wear sunglasses when driving.

And Arial, no sure it will even out for me as I'll be 55 by the time my youngest is 10 so nature will have caught up with me.
I'm sure if I'd had babies at @32, I'd be out the other side and less exhausted by now. Been with dh since age 20 but didn't start thinking about it until 38 then banged 4 out.

Women without children may have other stressful factors in their lives, but, yes the constant lack of sleep or lie-ins, the reordering of the priority list such that the main care giver's nutritional, emotional and physical needs often come last do lead to a detrimental affect on a parent's external appearances.

Life isn't about looks, if you have children you have soooo much to smile and laugh about.

No I think it totally drpends on the person. I think I look pretty youngish but I do have pretty good sleepers and didn't retain baby weight luckily. I see some childfree and in their twenties who look too old because of lots of heavy make up. I am crap at guessing ages so work on the basis that most people are roughly my age! This often backfires if I mention a band/ tv programme and get blank looks!

I get mistaken for younger because I have young children. I'm 41. I had a conversation with a neighbour (who has no social filter) yesterday saying that my current pregnancy would be my last because of my age and she asked outright how old I am. I told her and she said 'oh I had assumed you were mid-30s at the most."

I do not look mid 30s. I look my age I think so I can only assume having a three year old and a pregnancy bump makes people assume I am younger than I am.

Whatever the reason, I'm going with it.

I definitely agree op. Once upon a time I was carefree, had all the time in the world to go to the gym and get my roots done.

Now as a single parent, with two early risers, I haven't had a lie in for years and Ive left my highlighted hair for four months this summer as I simply didnt have a spare three hours to spend at the hairdresser. The stress and worry and constant rushing around show on my face I'm sure.

I was looking at photos the other day of myself at a wedding seven years ago (pre 2nd child) and couldn't believe the difference in my skin. I had no lines or crows feet whatsoever. I know everyone ages in seven years but it was so noticeable.

Pacific - Regarding the dads, I have often noticed this at school. When you see the couples together the father often looks a lot younger than the mother. Now presumably in some cases that is true, and in some the father must just have good genes. But I do wonder about how heavily the burden of childrearing lies on the mother as opposed to the father.

I definitely think having kids has aged me. I've only had a few patches of a few months of good sleep since 2008. That must do something.

I see pregnant women who look really old quite regularly and wonder how the hell they did it ( I found conceiving later in life a total nightmare). I'm now wondering if they're actually much younger than I assume they are.

whoknew, maybe they are younger but some of us do leave it quite late and are just lucky. I conceived 3 children first month of trying in my 40s. You just never know with fertility. At 38 and not yet a mum I didn't ever envisage I'd have 4, 10years later.
It's def taken a toll both on my figure and my face. I may now advise my DD to have a baby early @25-30

I think stress and happiness overall makes a huge difference. I've always been mistaken for younger than I am (I am a parent)...other than the three years or so I was massively stressed and depressed. Since I got less that way people have started thinking I am in my twenties again (I'm in my thirties).

I've never really worn much makeup or done my hair regularly / bothered much about outfits etc either, so I don't believe that how I 'groomed' at any point had much to do with it.

they stopped ID'ing me when I had two kids - but I think that's because i look murderous rather than old.

that's because i look murderous rather than old.

OMG, thank goodness it's not just me!

I am married to a younger man (3+ years between us), but he is FAR more middle-aged than I am, certainly in terms of physical problems. And I do think that's genes.
One must chose ones parents carefully

I also think some of it is to do with style of clothing, make-up (I think after a certain age, which is difficult to define, lots of heavy foundation for instance is really ageing) and general attitude. I hear a lot 'I am too old for that' in my job - and it then turns out the person in question is 32 and is expected to do some work-related computer course or some such, not Olympic level gymnastics.

I recently sat cross-legged on the grass in a park in the sun (it was lovely!) and my DSs were mortified because I was 'too old' to do that. Apparently. Well, feck'em!
When I am old, I shall wear purple...