to think women without kids look younger than mums?

[Cantz77]

I'm in my mid 40's now with 1 kid under 10 and one of 19 years old. I look and feel at least my age (on a good day) and when I look around the women I know who are roughly my age I notice that the only ones who really stand out as being very youthful looking are those who have never had kids. A few I would even say haven't changed since their early 30's while myself and the rest of the mothers seem to have deflated and expanded in all the wrong places since having kids. I noticed this even after having my 1st when I was in my 20's and still young. I think having kids really does take a lasting toll on your looks, not that I regret it I love my kids and would rather look like quasimodo than lose them but it is a bit of a raw deal!

I've definitely aged since I had DS. Not sure if it's a lack of sleep thing or just more stress/work.

I'm not sure. My mother looked very young, until she hit 40 then aged very quickly. Then again, she smoked goodness how much each day, it was inevitable really. I never get ID'd, but I don't look older than my age either. However, my hair has been rapidly greying the last few years (think it's due to stress, it seems to be going at a quicker rate than anyone I know under 30 ), and I don't have kids (for another 2-4 weeks anyway!). I think there's something in my family genetics - once the ageing process starts, it's not going to be kind regardless of lifestyle. Obviously added factors that cause either stress or biological factors will highten any ageing (having children, smoking, being ill over long periods, stress in work place etc).

I made a conscious effort to stay looking the best I could reasonably could when I got pregnant DS 1 is 19 now.

I have said this before on MN and got slated but stuff it! When he was 5 days old I was back in the gym for an hour a day while he slept. I had a mobile beautician come round to do my manicure, pedicure and eyelash tint, waxing etc once a month and had my high and low lights done every month as well. With the exception of the gym I have kept that regime up (same beautician!)
I've upped my game and get my teeth whitened once a year and have HD eyebrows done as well as the occasional tan.
I'm not in bad nick for 50. I don't smoke and I'm not a sun seeker or drinker. I think I look ok compared to some people that haven't had children and haven't had a regime going.

I have just turned 29 and often get told I look earlymid 20s.

However, I have definitely aged a lot more since having DD2 who doesn't fucking sleep and think I would look more early 20s without DC.

So yes, having children has definitely aged me!

I feel as though I have aged dramatically since having my DD 5 years ago. Could just be my age - I was early 40s then, late 40s now - maybe it's also the time that ageing hits hardest?

Encouraged to hear that a youthful glow returns as the children grow up though!

I do feel permanently knackered (especially as a single parent trying to juggle work and childcare).

I've been thinking about this thread, and have a theory!

Amongst our friends, family, colleagues, etc the women ageing brilliantly are those with one child.

No definitely don't agree I have a few friends who have no children who look older and a few with children who look younger. A girl I have been running with for a year asked me if I knew her daughters from school they are 25 and 21, I am 38 and do look way younger.

I'm heading towards 50 and I look about 8 years younger than I am. No idea why because I certainly feel my age 3 DC did that

And I definitely don't have a regime going on, no money, no time and no inclination to do all that stuff. I look fine without it

Whathaveilost - why on earth where you slated for that? I can't see how it had an impact on your parenting. Unless you were just stealth-bragging about being in the gym 5 days post-patrum . I wish I could afford the gym after baby arrives, I can just see my poor stomach collapsing into despair within a couple of years.

whathaveilost is correct about making an effort. My hair is a priority for me and after I have delivered #3 so will eating right and exercise. I do whiten my teeth already with an at home kit. I am in the US so the stuff you buy in costco works great. Having stained teeth is very aging.

Being fat is what makes me look old and frumpy. I am at the end of my first trimester and very heavy right now and need to lose at least 30lbs. My obn, bless her, is being very kind about it, but I am trying very hard to only gain the recommended 10-15lbs this pregnancy. It will be hard but as I am now officially obese I feel the need to listen to the doctors.

Also, I think many of us get very dehydrated during and after pregnancy and this makes us look aged. I am currently drinking 3-4L of water a day to keep my skin from drying out.

Well I'm 45 and have loads of kids, and I think I'm hot as fuck
I'd post a pic but don't want to appear cocky

Regime, schmegime

I am hoping that having had my 4 late in life (between 37 and 44) will keep me silly young on the inside. I am truly not that bovvered about the outside.

I am not sure I'd get away with that attitude if I lived in a more grooming-demandent place. And I am glad that we all get to make a choice in that regards.
Think of all the money a regular regime would cost during a lifetime!!
And where is the pressure on men to 'look their best'
And does anybody ponder whether child free men look better than fathers?

Just sayin'.

I'm 28, had my first at 26 and my second 6 months ago and I look fucking haggard. Got my first grey hair a few months after the first kid popped out and it's been downhill from there.

Little vampires they are.

mrsgently I was citizen for having a mobile beautician coming round to my house. I explained I knew my babies routine and would arrange for her to come at 10.15am. People said I was so far removed from their world it was untrue.
To me it made sense. I loved beauty and fashion before the babies and I still do. The baby was asleep in his own cot but I could go to him if needed and I had a bit of company and a brew with someone who has become a very close friend. I didn't see the problem. Same with the gym. The crèche was right next to gym and if there was a problem the staff would give me a wave or call me through. No problem for me but apparently a problem for some MN. DS was fine though, he is now a working man of 19 and we are very close. All's well.......

Not surprising really!

I'd say it takes far more effort to take care of yourself properly after having children and lots of women lose the motivation / their way and that's not necessarily a bad thing, they just have more / different things on their mind.

I have always taken pride in my looks and figure just because it's important to me. I'm happy to spend the money and time, others aren't. Each to their own.

Whathaveilost
Just reading your beauty regime is making me want a nap!

I can't understand why you'd be slated, whathave, it's not like you're saying "Everyone else should be doing this too, you have no excuse" - you're just saying what you do.

I find that I take more care of my appearance since having a baby, probably because I want to look like I've got my shit together and know what I'm doing

I suspect that there is some correlation on a wider-scale between women putting in lots of effort to look sexy and youthful in order to attract a mate and then getting pregnant. Having finished having babies, the baseline 'looking after oneself' remains but the extra bonus 'I'd be really fertile, shag me!' efforts might get swapped for other biologically compelling uses of time/energy/money like looking after the children.

I don't think this is always the case to be honest. Then again, I posted on a thread about looking young the other day as I'm always being mistaken for my children's nanny!

Bullet - I have to disagree with pretty much all of your assertions - except for the stretch marks and eye bags! For me, the opposite has been the case. Post DC1, my hip size actually shrank meaning I had to go down a jeans size. I went back to this same, smaller size post DC2. Boobs - shrank away to nothing (sadly) once I'd stopped BF and I fed both until 16/17 months. I can't seem to put on weight. Hair - no difference.

I do think I have less time to spend on myself and looking polished than I did back in my working days (now a SAHM). However, when we go out, I scrub up ok, I always make an effort to at least look coordinated and wear make up on a normal day and I walk pretty much everywhere. I also spend way more time outside than I did when I worked pre-kids and this alone has improved my health and wellbeing no end. Pushing a double pram up and down the hills where we live means my arms and legs are more toned than they've ever been.

Obviously women's bodies change with childbirth and lack of sleep is hideous - however, I do think some people (note - not all) use children as an excuse.

It depends on the age of DCs, and the age you had them i think. I'm in my 30s now, and our DCs all teens just about. We met and started our family young by the national 'standard'
I look younger now, than I did 10 years ago, according to friends, and on a good day I can see it too myself
Mainly due to having more rest, time to myself, and being able to have a spare hour or two to look after myself when I can be bothered.
Also, now there aren't such intensive childcare worries now. DH and I are able to escape enjoy a weekend every now and again just being adults, and not Mummy and Daddy for that little weekend
I wouldn't change anything for a second, but I totally embrace the freedom we have now, being older, wiser, and our DCs being a bit more self sufficient than the all-emcompassing first decade, where everything else can just slide, because you're so fixed on the task in hand with very small very demanding DCs.
My local Tesco sometimes asks me for ID buying wine. They never did a decade ago as I looked like a tired, bloated, stressed out woman that was line tired and prematurely aged

Yes, I have to say, I can see the rationale for having kids young, I really can.
But hey ho, my life did not pan out like that, and I was not not going to have them (or at least try for them) because I was a bit of an old bird.

I have people tell me that I am 'too young to be in your job' when I've been doing it for 23 years

I am not convinced having them young makes much difference its just that things appear to get better once they are older and you have more time because you are still young. If you have them at 35 or older then once they are older and you get some time back to yourself you are already 40+ and you don't have the same biological resources you once had and you used some of that up having children or partying.

A PP said their mother looked young till she hit 40 and then aged rapidly due to smoking and this is the way it works you get away with murder often in your 20's and 30's but once you get to 40 your lifestyle really does start to show.

I agree with the OP that women under 40 who think they look younger are basically in the dark about the real changes age brings to your looks.

Shohini - I agree with the OP that women under 40 who think they look younger are basically in the dark about the real changes age brings to your looks.

How do you explain other people constantly commenting that I look young though? I never really thought about it much - I like to look nice but am not obsessed with looking young - but I get constant comments about how young I look. I get ID-ed regularly. I seemingly definitely do not look my age

there's a good way to know how old (or not) you look. Tell people who have known you for a while how old you really are. Their reaction tells you all you need to know!

(as opposed to asking them "how old do you think I am". The majority of people subtract at least 10 years of the age they think you are. Don't we all?)