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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be terminating this pregnancy

98 replies

ahtilnextweek · 17/09/2015 11:19

I have found out i am approx 3-4 weeks preg and on phoning today have got an appointment on Tuesday to terminate the pregnancy (was incredibly impressed at how quickly they could give me an appointment)

I'm feeling very matter of fact about the whole thing, i have one dd, am a single working parent starting to advance in my career, yet following a condom break and the morning after pill have found myself in these circumstances.

I'm very much just treating it like a task that needs to be done. Am I being selfish? financially I could not support another child and would feel resentful towards a second child at this stage in my life.

OP posts:

Blackcloudsbrightsky · 17/09/2015 13:32

It's a perfectly reasonable question for anywhere on the forum.

AIBU has, from memory, discussed everything from coronation street to benefit fraud to how fit the Greek PM is. Abortion should not be stuffed away somewhere.

OP.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 17/09/2015 13:38

yanbu

Your body your decision. I felt like this I just wanted to jot be pregnant I didn't feel sad about having a termination and then felt guilty for not feeling guilty because apparently I was meant to feel guilty this his what I had read and been told I would feel (quite young at the time)

And yanbu to post this here we can not refrain from posting on here in case we upset others it's a public forum for issues to be discussed though you make get the odd pro lifer fine they wouldn't but they are not you and many change their minds when they are pregnant and do not want to be

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 17/09/2015 13:39

Excuse typos ....

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 17/09/2015 13:42

Of course yanbu.

I find the whole idea that seems to be widely portrayed by the media and society in general that women should be wringing their hands and feeling guilt after every termination mawkish and disingenuous.

There is no reason a woman should be expected to automatically feel sad or guilty about making a responsible decision that is right for them.

Plenty of women have terminations and get on with life. Hope it goes well for you op

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/09/2015 13:56

You have to do what is right for you and your DD. Very difficult, I know. Sending . Wishing you all the best OP.

PingpongDingDong · 17/09/2015 14:00

Yanbu at all. I had a pregnancy scare when I was much younger and at Uni. I knew from the moment I even considered I might be pregnant that I would terminate if that were the case. It was completely the wrong time for me and I felt horrified at the thought of being pregnant then.

I wasn't pregnant but I remember those feelings really clearly. You must do whatever feels right for you. I'd leave the forum now and go with you own instinct.

Adarajames · 17/09/2015 14:13

Your body. Your decision, your emotions; no one other than you should have any impact / decision on any of those things

Booboostwo · 17/09/2015 14:23

If you a want a termination it is reasonable for you to have one. If you do not want one it is reasonable to continue with the pregnancy. I don't think you will get much benefit from an AIBU discussion. If you want to discuss the choice or your feelings about it the pregnancy choices board is more suitable.

differentnameforthis · 17/09/2015 15:22

wannaBe I agree re triggering. I opened a thread just the other night that upset me, and instead of diving in & having a pop at the op for not posting what it was about in the title, I knew within the first post that I made a mistake in opening it, so I closed the thread & moved on.

I make the choice, as an adult, to come on here. And with any forum with thousands of users, I am going to come across things that I'd rather I didn't.

I have many topics hidden, I hide many threads for a variety of reasons. It isn't up to adults to babysit me, or to censor what they talk about on the chance that someone might find it distressing.

We are all adults, we all make a choice to be here. The hide button is a great device for quickly getting a thread out of active.

differentnameforthis · 17/09/2015 15:23

If you want to discuss the choice or your feelings about it the pregnancy choices board is more suitable. In your opinion, it is. OP can post where she likes.

Fromparistoberlin73 · 17/09/2015 15:27

I would gently question the wisdom of positing such an emotive topic in the snake pit that's AIBU

you have made your decision, now proceed in peace and don't start a thread that might upset you/derail you

BoffinMum · 17/09/2015 15:30

Ignoring the bunfight about where to post things, I think if you are doing this it makes sense to do it as soon as you possibly can. So FWIW I think you are right to press ahead and get sorted. We are talking about 32 cells here in the form of a zygote, with a 25% chance of spontaneous abortion even if you didn't intervene. You already tried to prevent conception through sensible means as you were not ready for another baby. That is, in my view, unselfish. You were unlucky. You are trying to organise things to get back on track. It is exactly what I would do in the circumstances (and I have been a single parent).

Booboostwo · 17/09/2015 15:40

OP can post where she likes what in my post made you think I was trying to prevent the OP from posting where she likes? Telling someone it is ill-advisable to do something is quite different from preventing them from doing it. She is free to post in AIBU like any other poster, whether she will see any benefit from doing so is debatable, case in point the useless discussion about her rights to post!

manicinsomniac · 17/09/2015 16:02

Personally , I think YABU.

I have 3 children when, given the choice, I wouldn't have had any (3 different sets of accidental circumstances, one my fault, one not and one grey area). For me, personally I felt that it wasn't their fault so I had to have them. And, now they're here, of course I wouldn't have it any other way - even though many people tried to make me get rid of the first two.

But, it's your choice. You have to make the decision that is right for you and, if you're happy with it, then you're happy with it.

IHaveBrilloHair · 17/09/2015 16:05

I am glad the OP posted here, as in wherever she wanted to.
Feeling that abortion has to be hidden away and is shameful is what makes many women feel worse, I know when I had mine I felt guilty for not feeling guilty and tortured myself over it.
It's a choice any woman should be able to make freely and talk about.
Good luck OP, wishing you all the best.

SpaggyBollocks · 17/09/2015 16:10

yabu for seeking validation for such a personal decision in aibu.

Welshmaenad · 17/09/2015 16:17

YANBU and hope the procedure goes well for you.

whois · 17/09/2015 16:44

YANBU - it's your decision and sounds like a v sensible one to me

nulgirl · 17/09/2015 17:45

Feeling weird about not feeling guilty is normal. I had an abortion when I was a student and I didn't even contemplate for a second keeping the baby. The only emotion I remember was the strong feeling of relief when it was over. I was annoyed with myself for getting into a position where I needed an abortion. It is a myth peddled by the anti-choice movement that you should be weeping and wailing about the decision. I haven't regretted mine for one minute in the 17 years since it happened.

You are definitely NBU.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 17/09/2015 19:16

Completely your decision

hopelesslydevotedtoGu · 17/09/2015 19:28

Yanbu. Decide what is best for your child and yourself.

If you are certain in your decision then it's not surprising that you don't feel guilty and haven't been dwelling on it. I have a friend who had a termination after a contraception failure and she never considered not having an abortion, and has never felt guilty. For her having a baby at that time would have been inconceivable to her.

For some women in some situations, a,termination is a difficult decision accompanied by a mix of emotions. For other women in other situations, it is a straightforward decision without much emotion. I think the latter group of women sometimes stay silent afterwards even with friends as they worry about being perceived as heartless, so we don't hear about those stories.

kali110 · 17/09/2015 19:55

Yanbu at all for not feeling guilty nor for posting here!
You can post wherever you want too!
Trigger is an overused word. Anything can trigger something in anyone.
If this subject upsets people, then why read it? Why even open the thread?
Op isnt proud, simply wanting to talk through her decision, there is nothing wrong with that, she doesn't need to get her thread moved just because some people maybe upset.
It looks like I'm never going to be able to have kids naturally.
It's hard but i am going to have to face up to that.
This doesn't mean that op or people like her can't post these subjects.
It's my problem! (I'm actually not upset nor offended by op's post in anyway).

Op you shouldnt feel bad for not feeling guilty, not everybody does.
You know that that right now having this baby would not be the right thing. You're still normal.

Chillyegg · 17/09/2015 20:21

Oh for ffs the poor op is asking a question and instead of bloody going on about correct thread placement and crassness maybe we should give her support. Maybe she didn't want to put it in pregnancy choices and make it feel more real or feel guilty or sad or whatever emotion she may be experiencing.MAYBE She put it in aibu because she wanted wide opinion or didn't know whare to put the thread or because she just wanted to. I don't think she's proud or trivialiseING abortion I think she sounds like she needs support. Threads about abortion should not be secluded to one area of the Internet it should be discussed and it shouldn't be stigmatised.
Do what you feels best op.

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