to think having a DD who likes dinosaurs or a DS who likes princesses is not something to be 'proud' of?

[MaltaVestrit]

ok, it is slightly FB related.

A friend (someone I used to know but don't see face to face now) has just posted 'so proud that all DDs birthday presents have come from the boys aisle' and it has really pissed me off, for several reasons:

1. I hate this competitive anti gender stereotyping crap
2. surely by calling it the 'boys aisle' you are shooting your own argument in the foot - assuming the point you are trying to make is that there shouldn't be 'boys' and 'girls' toys.

but mainly - what is there to be 'proud' of? Should I be less proud of my DD because she likes dolls? or of my DS because he likes tractors and dinosaurs?

Don't get me wrong, I am proud of my DC for many reasons but how the hell can you be 'proud' that they like a certain type of toy?! Be proud that your DD can list several types of dinosaur by all means, be proud that your DS has just passed his ballet exams - but to just be proud that they are interested in those things in the first place? ODFOD!!

So AIBU to think this is not something to be 'proud' of?

(yes I know IABU to get this annoyed about something on FB, but its not the first like this I've seen)

Mind you I saw someone on fb yesterday looking for a highchair suitable for a girl. That did confuse me!

I'd say it depends on the age of the child. The gender stereotyping and expectations are very ingrained around, say, age 8 so I would be "proud" if a child of that age chose something different from their friends. The pride comes from having a child that knows their own mind and doesn't feel restrained. I do think I'd be proud of my 9 year old ds wearing eg a princess dress to a party, tbh, as I would think that was quite brave.

Nothing particular to feel proud of for a 2 or 3 year old that hasn't yet learned the societal expectations.

My 5 year old dd has had eyebrows raised at her love of superheroes but so far she hasn't cared. If she carries on wearing her Spiderman stuff against the tide then yes, there will come a point when I will feel proud of her for sticking with what she loves and not pretending just to fit in.

or also, judging me as being 'one of those mums' who only dresses their DD in pink and treats her like a princess because I think all girls should be that way.

no idea what's happened with my posting there!

for a 4 year old, yes, it's odd to be "proud" of any particular choices I think.

Yanbu op, it's all part of the Facebook world that I hate she will have bought all the boy things for her daughter with a Facebook status already forming in her head!

I agree with you. I was roundly criticised by a group of friends because dd came out liking pink/red and princessy type stuff. They assumed I'd forced her into it and said it was sickening! None of them have children! I don't see them anymore!

Absolutely with you on this, especially:

"2) surely by calling it the 'boys aisle' you are shooting your own argument in the foot - assuming the point you are trying to make is that there shouldn't be 'boys' and 'girls' toys."

also as River Tam says - devaluing, belittling and sneering the anything - toys/ values/ jobs/ emotions/ personal traits traditionally seen as "female" is the biggest, most idiotic mistake some people make when trying to be "feminist". The enormous irony of saying females are equal to males but only if they behave in traditional male ways is positively jaw dropping. It is also the reason boys continue to be ridiculed for being "girly".

How can it be feminist only to value the stereotypically male?

oooh....off topic but this thread is 'trending'! I have no idea what that means but can I be proud about it??

etak I can see that. she is the type who would spend time going 'how can I make an FB status out of this' there have been a few too many 'feeling blessed with my hubby' type posts too!!

Yanbu at all saying crap like that is just saying boys are superior girls who like glittery princesses are feeble and its just not true toys are toys are toys people love a bandwagon though. Grown dd wasnt particulary fussed with girl toys so she got the toys she liked lego cars and stuff you dont go bragging about how superior your dd is. Its the same with boys who just llove!!! Their fairy wings im not sure what the parents are after a medal probably dd2 thinks unicorns shit glitter doesnt mean she is a wafty feeble person she also likes superheros

ilikedmyold you have said that much more eloquently than I could! the whole thing surely should be about choice, not about 'macho men' and 'girly girls' being wrong/old fashioned/sexist/anti-feminist etc.

YANBU

And I say that as someone who buys dinosaur and farm toys for my boys clothes wearing 14mo DD.

its also surely bollocks on another level - whatever your DC's preference for toys/clothes/colours surely it isn't at the exclusion of all else? Surely she isn't saying that her DD NEVER plays with anything that may be considered 'a girls toy'?

I would say my DS1's favourite thing is dinosaurs - this doesn't mean he doesn't sometimes play tea parties (usually with the dinos as guests!)

Lj8 someone advertised on my local facebook looking for a bumbo suitable for a girl. I posted a pic of my red one but it was rejected because the colour was not girly . My DD seemed to do ok in it though?

YANBU. I can't stand all the stealth bragging. Forcing children into any sort of mould isn't good for them, be it the friend of mine saying "oh baby is such a girly girl!" (no, she's 5 months old, you dress her in the frills), or "PINK IS EVILLLLLL".

IMO choice is key. I don't give a shit if DD wants to dress in pink and play with dolls, I only have an issue if pink and dolls are the only option.

YANBU

She has a long way to go before she has anything to be proud of. My 4 year old dd likes dinosaurs. My 12 year old dd sourced the material and made her a one of a kind dinosaur pinny. She then styled her wee sister's hair into stegosaurus ridges.

I am very proud of all 3 of my girls but not because of which toys they prefer fewer cars to trip over would be good

liquid this must cost people a fortune replacing stuff so subsequent DC? I made sure all of the 'big' purchases - pram/nursery stuff/bouncers etc were suitable for either. but then I'm not the sort who gets worked up if someone assumes my bald baby is a boy when its a girl - I'm sure this is part of the whole 'everything must be pink' thing.

Tbf people do box male and female it it is unfair and unequal but i think you get the try to hard to be non conformist (not the right word) that it goes to far.

I agree its silly!! Really silly she is shooting herself in the foot by making such a huge fuss over it anyway and I sincerely hope she isn't relaying these thoughts to her poor DD.
My DD LOVES dinosaurs, trains and so called boys toys but she also likes princesses, and lots of stuff, I never ever make a fuss either way or say oh you like dinasours boys are supposed to like them.

I just let her get on with it.

YANBU.

I'm proud of my girlie girls because a) being a woman is great and should be celebrated, and b) Monster High is fricking awesome.

We fly the pink and leopard flag with pride.

YANBU. I'm proud of DS for having the confidence not to folllow the crowd if it's in a direction that he has no interest in (football in his case) but it would be a bit odd to be proud that he doesn't like football.

I hate all these proud mummy FB boasts. I've never seen a man post all that 'love my princess' shit.

YANBU. This kind of thing really fucking annoys me. I am feminist and proud but loved barbies and my little pony and glittery pink tat growing up (still do actually). Apparently that makes me an inferior human being according to some branches of feminism.

My sister was brought up in the exact same household as me but loved armour and guns and tool kits etc. We just had different personalities, that was all there was to it.

Children who reject stereotypes get shat on from a great height by society at large after about the age of 2. I respect any child that has the strength of character to carry on regardless.

Ds2 liked pink. Turns out this was a major crime once he left preschool (and even before that he/we got comments). He held out for his right to like it right up until the age of 7, despite constantly being told he was 'wrong' or teased about being gay or a girl You would be amazed at how many comments came from adults - and we are talking about a boy who, at most, wanted to wear a (boy's) pink T shirt, or ride a pink scooter - he wasn't dressed in a dress demanding gender reallocation.

I work with small children and kids just like toys to playwith i did have a mum a few years ago saying her son could not dress up in the princess dresses i was but respected her silly request her son put it on himself though we had to explain gently to her that her son wouldnt catch the gay because he had a tiara on

I'd stop following her posts if you find them irritating.
I have a friend who is lovely but puts so much stuff about "feeling blessed".....I've accepted that's how she is. I prefer to keep those sort of statements to myself and think about them quietly and not broadcast on Facebook but each to their own.
It is funny that she talks about the boys aisle though!!!