In saying that my house is not a public loo for people on the local Jumble Trail

[MercedesDR]

Sold a few things outside for a local Jumble Trail which was a lot of fun and I made a bit of money too. What I didn't like was being asked by a few people if they or their child could use my loo. My reply was that my home is not a public convenience! Well perhaps I was a bit more polite than that in making my point, but I will not allow anyone I don't know in my house.

Was it unreasonable to direct them to a nearby cafe?

Do the organisers of this trail hire loos? Perhaps suggest it so people don't have to ask home owners

'Only on MN would people claim to willingly open the doors of their home to a complete stranger.'

Nope. I'm sorry you've never come across someone generous enough to ley you use their loo (although how many strangers have you actually asked?), but just because it hasn't touched your life, doesn't mean it doesn't exist outside of mumsnet.

Nuff I've never ever knocked on a random door to ask to use the toilet, so no need to feel sorry for me.

Nuff I've never ever knocked on a random door to ask to use the toilet, so no need to feel sorry for me.

Well how do you know people wouldn't let you?

'Nuff I've never ever knocked on a random door to ask to use the toilet'

Exactly! So how can you possibly know this happens 'only on mumsnet'?! You could be surrounded by all sorts of generous loo lenders. I think in the interests of research you should knock on 100 random doors and let us know how you get on. You also need to ask them if they're mumsnetters or look for signs (mumsnet scarf, haircut etc.)

Arendelle - as Sitsonfence says:

With the OPs situation, I would say it is more than acceptable for people purchasing items to ask to use the loo, since you have invited initial contact through the jumble stall (i.e. they're not 'cold calling'), but equally acceptable for you to politely decline them, especially if there is somewhere else nearby for them to go and you don't have an easily accessible loo although I do think you'd have to be fairly hard hearted to turn away a young child.

Mercedes is participating in the Jumble trail, and making money by selling her unwanted bric-a-brac. The people buying things from her are asking to use her loo, she has put herself out there by having a stall outside her house and inviting people to buy things from her. The people she is making money from are asking to use her loo, not random strangers. She's within her rights to say no, but it would be perfectly normal to ask in that context and most people would say yes, at least to small children, in that specific situation.

May I backtrack wildly and admit that I didn't read OP was selling things? I just thought people were knocking on a random door!!

Yes I was selling brick a brac and food, not use of my bathroom!

ivykaty - Hiring loos is expensive. Events like this are usually small scale events organised by volunteers, on a shoestring.

ArendelleQueen many years ago I knocked on someone's door in the US to ask for directions, and ended up (to my absolute surprise) as a houseguest for a week.

I've had people to stay at mine that I barely know - friends of friends.

People can be nice!

If someone comes in the house perhaps to do a boiler service or something like that, I tell them to feel free to use the loo without them needing to ask. They've got ID.

I have a driving licence. Can I shit in your house?

I wouldn't dream of letting strangers into the house unaccompanied; in this situation I suppose I would let children in provided there was someone available to go with them. It's not at all unknown for burglars to use children as decoys.

You can shit in my house, lacktoast, as long as it's in the loo and you flush and wash your hands afterwards.

(Just to be clear: I think it's entirely up to the OP whether she lets strangers use her loo or not. That's up to her. Just a big baffled at the level of disbelief and outrage people have over the idea of letting someone they don't know use their loo. Most people are not ax murderers.)

YADNBU

Sorry, ArcheryAnnie, I'd be expecting a choice of location within your house. YABU to be so specific.

Do all of you who would allow it make them take their shoes off before traipsing up your stair carpet? Opens another MN can of worms whilst avoiding answering original question

I'm at a loss as to figure out what you think other people do in the toilet that is so disgusting.

Well for a start according to a recent MN thread, most people don't wash their hands. Even after a POO. Or after changing a pooey nappy.

So kind of yanbu.

Of course it's not bad manners to ask. I've let people use my loo and certainly would in these circumstances. It's Your House Your Rules but I think all the refusers sound mean and very lacking in understanding.

Just for the record, anyone passing by my house on a jumble trail, running a marathon, cycling from Lands End to John O'Groats, delivering a Tesco order, digging up the road outside, delivering sheep to the farm, collecting a parcel, or delivering heating oil is VERY welcome to use my loo. And very often offered tea and cake as well.

But then, I have asked to use a loo in a motorbike shop, lots and lots of cafes and restaurants, libraries, DIY shops, offices and in a farm shop.

Hoobledooble you ask "Do all of you who would allow it make them take their shoes off before traipsing up your stair carpet? Opens another MN can of worms whilst avoiding answering original question"

We live in forrin parts where everyone automatically takes their shoes off when entering any private house (and a lot of other places too - toddlers group was shoes off for example, and so is primary school). Sometimes when I haven't washed the floors for a few days weeks I try to make them keep their shoes on and they just won't, they're so strongly socialised to take shoes off from babyhood on that I don't think they can wear shoes inside a house without imploding :o Also no carpets, anywhere - and a downstairs loo. :o

I did say the lack of downstairs loo is what makes saying no understandable, but that people would hardly be expected to know there isn't a downstairs loo unless all the houses in the road are the same and they were local enough to know the layout (in which case local enough to pop home for the loo).

I guess if you live in a high crime area with a lot of burglaries you wouldn't want to - you also might not want to participate in a Jumble trail either though...

GudrunBrangwen - if your thinking when deciding not to let people use your loo is that most people don't wash their hands after having a poo you wouldn't be wanting them handling your bric a brac (which might not sell and you might have to box back up) or to accept cash from their stinky germy hands, so wouldn't be participating in a Jumble trail (or in society generally, except with surgical gloves and a face mask on and a bottle of antiseptic to spray everything which has been touched by others) ... You also wouldn't want anyone in your house - friend or stranger, the germs are the same - the logic doesn't really hold up :o

I'd feel very uncomfortable letting a stranger use my loo. Possibly U, but I know it would make me need to clean the loo straight afterwards. ( And hence miss out on jumble sales)

I think you are probably right. I think I'm going to have to restrict any activity that requires interaction with other people or their hands.

Oh dear.

Actually though the logic does stand up, a bit, in that people not washing their hands would then be touching all our door handles, bannisters, and anything else between the toilet and outside, which would mean I'd have to go and spray everything.

I really don't like the idea of it. But I am anxious about stuff like that.

One time some ebayers came to collect something from my house, and when they arrived they said their toddler had been sick in the car - could they have a damp cloth? I got them a damp cloth, and some spare clothes for the little one, but I felt bad for not letting them in and so on - if I'd been a nicer person I'd have said come in, give her a wash and have a cup of tea etc.

The thing is I go sort of catatonic when my children are sick and it has a big impact on our lives temporarily, so it would have been too much for me to deal with. I hate that, I wish I didn't care about these things.

They didn't ask to come in and were nice about it and so on, I emailed them later to apologise for not inviting them in, and to check they were Ok.

I still feel bad about it now.