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59 replies

spoonfulofgoodness · 16/09/2015 12:39

Prenuptial agreement. My partner and I own property. We live in the house I own and he has a house he rents out. We're getting married in January. We're both good with money and both stand to inherit money as well. He's happy to have a prenup but isn't willing to pay for it. So I guess my question is AIBU unreasonable to want one and AIBU to expect that he contributes to half the costs if it's protecting him too?

OP posts:

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 16/09/2015 12:42


If you need 'protecting' from each other then you shouldn't be getting married.


Thurlow · 16/09/2015 12:46

It really depends. What do you feel needs protecting? You don't have to pool assets, I suppose, but if you are getting married and perhaps one day thinking of having a family, then it would be unusual to not see everything as pooled.


petitdonkey · 16/09/2015 12:49

I think, especially as you seem to be on a fairly equal footing, it is very sad to be considering a pre-nup. Part of getting married is surely throwing it all in one pot? I am fairly certain they are not legally binding in the UK either.

(and I speak as someone who married someone far wealthier - I did suggest it to him but he said absolutely no way)


TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/09/2015 12:50

What would the terms of your pre-nup be?


TheBunnyOfDoom · 16/09/2015 12:54

Pre-nups are largely invalid in the UK.


spoonfulofgoodness · 16/09/2015 12:57

Pretty simple. That in the event of a divorce we split and our assets are kept separate. I don't see it as sad as much as I see it as prudent. I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him but you really don't know what's round the corner. I'm very much a realist.

OP posts:

spoonfulofgoodness · 16/09/2015 12:58

I also live in Scotland and the link by a PP refers to England

OP posts:

Spottycarstripes · 16/09/2015 12:59

I think it would be sensible OP.


PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/09/2015 12:59

Are you in the UK? They're not legally binding in the UK. It's very much an American thing.


PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/09/2015 13:01

Scrap my comment. It's different in Scotland.


spoonfulofgoodness · 16/09/2015 13:03

Yeah in Scotland and it's available through solicitors. If they offer it as a service is really not enforceable?

OP posts:

steppemum · 16/09/2015 13:09

solictors will draw them up in england too, but they are still invalid


steppemum · 16/09/2015 13:09

they can be used in divorce as evidence of intent but not binding


RainbowFlutterby · 16/09/2015 13:13

If you want it then I think you should pay for it tbh.

Are you planning on having children together?


Epilepsyhelp · 16/09/2015 13:17

You want it you pay for it. Frankly if I were him I wouldn't be marrying you. I can see the point if there are for example SDC to protect but otherwise why bother getting married if you don't mean the vows?


ImperialBlether · 16/09/2015 13:17

Can I just ask you something? You live together in your property and he rents out his own? What does he do with the rent - do you share it?


Collaborate · 16/09/2015 13:22

Pre-nuptial agreements can be enforceable in England & Wales (apologies to the OP who is in Scotland). This link posted by thebunnyofdoom is way out of date.

If you look at the reference to a case called Radmacher v Gradation in the margin of that web page you'll see they refer to a case that may make the advice given rather meaningless. That case reached the supreme court in 2010. It said that the court would uphold PNAs unless it can be shown to be demonstrably unfair to one or other of the parties.

This is a link to a recent case in which the PNA most certainly affected the outcome.


InTheBox · 16/09/2015 13:31

It's sensible, do it. Tbh as you said you never know what's around the corner. Not too long ago an OP was unemployed living with her husband who owned the house and wouldn't put her on the deeds amongst a host of other things. I'm sure she once felt her vows were forever too yet she was posting because she'd found herself up shit creek without a paddle.


PurpleDaisies · 16/09/2015 13:40

I agree with posters saying if you want it you should be the one to pay for it.

I think going into marriage planning for what happens if you divorce is a bit sad. We have a fully joint account, fully joint savings (except Isa's where you can't) and my name isn't even on the house deeds (bought before we married while I was a student and considered to be a risk by the morgage company so we'd have had a worse deal). I'm a realist too-we really meant our vows so it's til death do us part for us.


DawnOfTheDoggers · 16/09/2015 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoJo · 16/09/2015 14:25

YANBU for wanting one, but YABU for expecting him to pay for it if he's not that bothered. You can't force someone to fork out for something just because you think it's for 'their own good'.


DoJo · 16/09/2015 14:27

Marriage is a teeny bit pointless if you'll only do it with a contract that nullifies the one you're about to enter.

There's more to marriage than sharing assets though - nullifying one aspect of a contract doesn't render the rest pointless.


RachelZoe · 16/09/2015 14:35

YANBU at all, everyone should have one if it's legally binding where they are/or as others have said, for intent purposes. We've all been through breakups, things get nasty, people can get vindictive during a split and things can get messed up, it's just life. It's sensible. Getting a pre nup doesn't mean you shouldn't be getting married or don't trust each other or anything. You should pay for it though if you're the one who wants it.


Thurlow · 16/09/2015 14:43

Actually, seeing how you are both entering the marriage with assets, I can understand why you might want that all clarified. So no, YANBU.

It's being practical - it's not enormously different from posters telling women to get married to protect themselves should the worst case scenario occur.


fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 16/09/2015 14:44

Nothing wrong with a prenup, nothing wrong with wanting one, expecting him to pay when he doesn't is unreasonable, so just pay and go for it.

You should also probably ensure you put things in it relating to children and how that might vary things.

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