DS (5.5) was meant to be going to a good friend's house after school today. When I told him about the plan yesterday he was really excited, but this morning he's ended up in fits of tears as he wants to come home instead and play with his Lego (which he's totally obsessed about).
DS didn't seem to understand he can't just decide to go another day instead, and DH and I handled it badly and will need to apologise later. I got really angry and said he was letting his friend down and he might not ever get invited again, various other empty threats, DH threatened to take his Lego away etc etc. (Feel free to beat me up about this but rest assured I'm already doing that myself - I feel like we've done a terrible job of this!)
In the end I said I would cancel the playdate and discuss consequences later. Now I'm not so cross I'm thinking of the bigger picture.
DS is normally confident and stubborn (but is poor at understanding the impact of his decisions, which is maybe normal at this age). However, he is readjusting to being back at school and is tired and emotionally volatile at the moment. He's having a lot of nightmares and is unusually clingy with me and I wonder whether the insistence he wants to be at home is to be with me. I also didn't ask if he wanted to go the playdate as it's his best friend and he loves going there, though as I say he was delighted with the news yesterday.
So my inclination is to discuss this with DS, say that in future we'll agree together whether he goes to a playdate, but that he needs to stick to his decision once it's made because it's not fair otherwise. And that's the end of it.
DH thinks I'm being too soft, and that DS is refusing the playdate just because he fancies playing with Lego instead, and we need to have consequences so he understands he can't just let friends down and change his mind as the fancy takes him.
AIBU to think there shouldn't be any consequences? And how would you have handled the situation this morning?
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AIBU?
For there to be no consequences for cancelling this playdate?
65 replies
NeedAKickUpTheFender · 16/09/2015 11:36
OP posts:
DawnOfTheDoggers ·
16/09/2015 11:42
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