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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rottweiler and MIL

127 replies

Maisy313 · 14/09/2015 19:49

Supposed to be travelling from London to Wales to visit PIL's with 5 week old baby, but it's just been dropped into conversation that they are looking after a neighbours Rottweiler. I'm not prepared to go until the dog is back with its owners, which would mean going the following weekend instead. Mil is very upset, she is insistent that the dog is safe around children as it's spent time around the owners grandchild (4 yrs old I believe). My point is that a newborn baby to a dog might not seem like much more than a rabbit and I'm just not willing to take the chance. There is a bit of bad feeling as mil felt that if my mother was going to attend the birth then she had the right to be there too, neither were in the hospital as it happens, but I think she isn't feeling involved enough. Am I being ridiculous and precious?

OP posts:

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 14/09/2015 20:37

What does your partner say?

Ragwort · 14/09/2015 20:39

YANBU. Even without a baby I wouldn't stay in someone's house if they had a rottweiler - I am very uneasy around dogs and find it difficult to visit any dog owner's house - people always say 'I'll put the dog in another room,but it invariably wanders in and equally I feel uncomfortable if the dog cannot roam freely in its' own home.

Just be firm and say you will visit the following w/e - but why isn't your DH having this conversation with his parents?

passthenutellaplease · 14/09/2015 20:39

maisy313 go when the dog is safely ensconced in its own home! I wouldn't even entertain the idea of going

Ilovetorrentialrain · 14/09/2015 20:39

YANBU OP. Just not worth the risk or feeling you can't let your guard down all weekend. One more week's wait won't make a difference.

I wouldn't take a 5 week old to a house with a powerful dog.

Fluffy24 · 14/09/2015 20:40

There have been case where young babies (ie not mobile so evidently not annoying a dog) have been killed. Everyone expresses their shock and surprise afterwards. It might be so rare as to be led dangerous than the drive their in the first place, but IMo it's not a risk worth taking for the sake of your MIL seeing DC a week earlier.

Booboostwo · 14/09/2015 20:41

How highly a site rates on google search is hardly a ringing endorsement of its reliability! If you google tree octopus this comes up on the first page
www.columbiatribune.com/arts_life/family_life/endangered-pacific-northwest-tree-octopus-might-soon-disappear/article_1c5d9e44-f3c6-5326-be8e-d6047f3663a6.html

Luckily the pages ranking right above it explain why you shouldn't uncritically trust everything you read on the Internet!

rumbleinthrjungle · 14/09/2015 20:42

Stuff the stats. I have a highly soppy cocker. I've never let her loose around babies or young children in our family, she's supervised or behind a baby gate. Dogs are animals, there is no way to know how they perceive some tiny, odd smelling thing in their territory taking up attention, and if something does go wrong the consequences are catastrophic. Why even think about risking it?

MiL is not going to die from waiting another week.

DinosaursRoar · 14/09/2015 20:43

I would be less concerned if it wasn't a whole weekend - that's a long time for PIL to be careful about keeping the dog apart and locked up. It's a long time for a dog who's not in their own home and unsettled anyway to be kept contained.

Are you able to delay for another week or stay in a hotel/B&B so the time visiting is not overnight and you can go back and relax/the dog isn't being closed up for a whole weekend?

Murloc · 14/09/2015 20:44

I agree that the breed is not the most relevant factor here. I've a very well-behaved small dog who is fab around my own DD (although even saying that, he's an animal and I don't trust him any more than the next dog) and I would not be upset by anyone not wanting to bring a 5 week old baby if they felt nervous.

You're not saying never; surely MIL can wait a week without combusting?

For me, an important thing to think about is that this dog's owners, who it is presumably used to obeying, will not be there. For this reason, YANBU. Politely stand your ground, OP.

Callaird · 14/09/2015 20:45

My dad and brother have a rottie and my brother also has a mastif cross, they wouldn't hurt a fly, I sure as hell wouldn't let a tiny baby within a five mile radius of them! Rotties and mastiffs jaws lock when they attack, you cannot get them open with a crow bar. I wouldn't leave my two year olds side whilst in the same room with the dogs and they all adore each other. I adore the dogs they have never hurt anyone/thing but I don't trust them.

Aqualady · 14/09/2015 20:45

YANBU

Some people are always prepared to take this risk, I'm not one of those.

Booboostwo · 14/09/2015 20:46

rumble I'd be interested to see you think recommended leaving this dog loose with OP's baby unsupervised?

As for no way of knowing how a dog perceives something that is also dangerous nonesense. Dogs give plenty of signals of their fear and stress and it is a very sensible precaution for anyone who is ever likely to come into contact with a dog, I.e. everyone, to get to know these signals.

tabulahrasa · 14/09/2015 20:46

"Rotties and mastiffs jaws lock when they attack"

No they don't.

Lurkedforever1 · 14/09/2015 20:47

I've yet to hear of a dog bite/ attack on a child that wasn't down to the adult supposedly supervising.
As already said, ops choice entirely, and very sensible if you don't fully trust the adult in charge of the dog to know what they're doing, i.e the pils. However not on the basis that it's a certain breed, and not on the basis that well supervised dogs attack/ bite babies without warning or reason.

Oysterbabe · 14/09/2015 20:48

Yanbu.
You'll enjoy the visit more if you wait a week.
I'm only 20 weeks pregnant and already worried about how I'll be expected to visit my parents and their ginormous fat husky.

Stillyummy · 14/09/2015 20:49

The thing here seems to be lots of people saying the situation can be managed. I agree BUT... It relys on everyone to cooperate to do so closing doors and things. If you don't think you can rely on this then I think YANBU.

Aqualady · 14/09/2015 20:51

lurk does it really matter who's fault it is? It happens and they cause a lot of damage and some times death.

Aqualady · 14/09/2015 20:53

still I agree! it all hinges on every body closing doors, putting in leads, watching closely. How tense will that be?

Just wait till the following week

Moomintroll85 · 14/09/2015 20:53

Jesus YANBU. There is no way I'd go, even if I didn't have a baby! (Don't want to spend time with dogs of any breed really as I was attacked by one as a child).

Your MIL is being unreasonable for getting in a strop now you don't want to go also. Don't let her guilt you into it, maybe if she wants to be more involved she could prioritise her grandchild over a neighbour's dog?

And also even if your mum was at the birth that does in no way give her the right to be there too - not the same thing at all, you have who you choose to be there because you want their support, not so they can treat it as a bloody spectator sport. Who the hell thinks they have a right to attend someone's labour anyway, she sounds great

Seriouslyffs · 14/09/2015 20:53

If it's a near neighbour and if they can put it in its own house while you're there and if you're only visiting for a couple of hours, possibly, but assuming that's not the case leave it until the following week.

ScarletRuby · 14/09/2015 20:57

You clearly know nothing about dogs, and sound a bit precious to be honest. However I do think you should delay as you will be will be on edge the whole weekend, but I would come up with another reason so your MIL doesn't feel at fault.

PunkrockerGirl · 14/09/2015 21:00

I'd be saying the OP was NBU whatever the breed. The dog is in a strange place, pils aren't used to it (and vice versa). Dogs can be unpredictable. Not a good combination.

Booboostwo · 14/09/2015 21:02

Aqualady of course it matters whose fault it was and what caused the bite otherwise no lessons are ever learnt and no one can ever assess risk. And it does not hinge on everyone closing doors, the dog won't be waiting behind a closed door for the chance to push its way through, barge through the other adults and jump onto the OP's lap to bite the baby! It's a dog not a Tyrannosaurus rex.

Fluffy24 · 14/09/2015 21:04

scarlet they don't even know the dog, and the dog doesn't know them - it sounds like the perfect storm to me - and I do know dogs.

I would be very surprised if you could find a professional dog behaviourist who would say that any dog, who is in a strange house with strange people, would be a suitable house guest with a young baby.

Why would you take the risk?

spatchcock · 14/09/2015 21:07

Booboo not everyone is trained in the art of dog signals and signs. I imagine a five-week-old baby will take most of OP's attention anyway. And I don't think it's fair for a large dog to be cooped up all weekend behind a closed door anyway.

It's a tiny tiny risk but a totally avoidable one. It's not like the OP has to learn the ways of this dog, it's not even the MIL's dog so no point trying to come up with a workable solution when she could just go the following weekend.

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