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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DH to not take a job he'd love?

77 replies

babybellsmum · 14/09/2015 15:35

DH has been offered a job in a field he loves, he is currently working a 9-5 that he doesn't like...The new job is long, unsociable hours which I have dealt with him doing before so that's fine but I've just found out that he will be working xmas day. We have a 2 year old and will have a 4 week old baby. I've got myself so worked up about it he says he won't take the job but now I feel stupid/guilty for getting so upset about one day of the year (although it would be every year)! Pregnancy hormones probably playing a part but what should I/we do?!

OP posts:

MaidOfStars · 14/09/2015 15:37

How long is he likely to be at work on Christmas Day?

Original poster

babybellsmum · 14/09/2015 15:38

9-6 ish I imagine...

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/09/2015 15:39

Ooh tricky. I do feel for you, but on balance 364 days in a job he loves vs one day - granted its a day of super special significance - the new job probably should take priority here.

Original poster

babybellsmum · 14/09/2015 15:39

And all day Xmas eve and poss boxing day. He's always worked those but never xmas day itself.

OP posts:

lottiegarbanzo · 14/09/2015 15:39

Celebrate Christmas on a different day.

Lonecatwithkitten · 14/09/2015 15:40

Christmas is on the day you choose it to be. I work every other Christmas day and DD is always with her dad on that year so we have our Christmas Day another day we have done Boxing Day and New Years Day.
Your kids are young enough that it easily becomes family tradition.

MaidOfStars · 14/09/2015 15:40

Do you have family/friends that you could share the day with, then have a lovely big dinner in the evening?

RachelZoe · 14/09/2015 15:40

YABU I'm afraid, one day vs his overall happiness? It isn't really fair to ask that of him. My DH has had to tend to work emergencies and been gone all day on special occasions many times over the years, it's just one of those things. Assuming he does not work 24 hours straight I assume he will be there for at least some of the day, and there is xmas eve and boxing day.

squoosh · 14/09/2015 15:40

Hmmmm, to be quite honest I'm not sure I'd be thrilled with the idea of my partner working every Christmas day. Couple that with unsociable hours all year round and I'd be less than enthusiastic, unless it was a significant salary leap.

Mrsjayy · 14/09/2015 15:41

Its ok calm down its fine to not want him working christmas day its not fine to work yourselves up into a tizz and he panics and doesnt take a job he wants. Many people work christmas day itis just something they need to do children or not, dh has worked 8 christmas days

yorkshapudding · 14/09/2015 15:41

Are you absolutely sure it will be every year? In a lot of jobs with unsociable hours staff take turns so you don't end up working it two years in a row. If it is every year than, yes, that's a bit rubbish but how much of Christmas day would he actually be working? If it's a standard 8 hour shift you could do presents on Christmas morning before he goes and then have dinner when he comes home. Do you have family who would be happy to host you and the little ones on Christmas day and then you could have a second Christmas with your DH on boxing day?

JeffreysMummyIsCross · 14/09/2015 15:41

Sorry, but I think you are being unreasonable. Christmas is one day (and one that lots of people have to work on). Don't underestimate the misery of working most other days of the year in a job you don't like.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 14/09/2015 15:41

YWBVU to stop him taking the job because of one day, Christmas or no.
Your dc are small. They won't know much different if your Christmas day has a different shape from previously. Presents/stockings before he goes to work, dinner once he's home. A long lovely winter walk or visits to/from relatives in between. You'll soon establish your own traditions.

Will it really be every single Christmas Day in the long term? AFAIK that's unusual even for professions in which some Christmas working is inevitable.

BeeRayKay · 14/09/2015 15:41

Move xmas day?

Mrsjayy · 14/09/2015 15:43

Is he a chef ? Other places usually have a rota for christmas day

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/09/2015 15:45

Every Christmas Day is rough. I worked lots but every one would actually be an issue for me.

Shutthatdoor · 14/09/2015 15:45

YABVU. You want your DH to continue in a job he doesn't like, just so he will be there on Christmas Day?

If you put pressure on him to turn down the job for this reason and continue in a not liked one, it will most likey breed resentment.

NickyEds · 14/09/2015 15:46

That's a tough one. It would be the long hours generally that would get to me, we have a 21 month old and an 8 week old and I find dps hours hard (and they're not even that bad)- you might have dealt with him working long hours before but never with two tiny children. My head would say that Christmas is just one day and not worth losing a great job for, my heart however....it's Christmas!!! Is this a once in a lifetime opportunity?

Original poster

babybellsmum · 14/09/2015 15:46

The story is that he moved from cheffing (high level) to this 9-5 last year because the hours were ridiculous: 6 days, 70 odd hours. Our family life has been so much better but he is not happy with the job. Of course I want him to be happy and I can deal with unsociable hours butttt it's not like it's just xmas day, he'd be working xmas eve, boxing day, Nye and day....all of those he worked before but we always had xmas day together which made it ok :)

OP posts:

JeffreysMummyIsCross · 14/09/2015 15:47

Just to add: my mum was a nurse and worked most Christmases when I was growing up. I can't say that I felt I missed out. As other posters have said, Christmas was just moved to another day.

Cloppysow · 14/09/2015 15:48

Sorry, but you're being unreasonable.

squoosh · 14/09/2015 15:50

It would be the long hours generally that would get to me

Me too. Family unfriendly hours throughout topped off by working on Christmas day? I wouldn't be thrilled.

Pootles2010 · 14/09/2015 15:50

The Christmas day thing wouldn't bother me. Would you be returning to the same level of ridiculous hours? Because you've said your family life has been so much better, I'm assuming it'll revert back to same as before?

I'd struggle with that, tbh. But then, he's a chef. It kind of comes with the territory doesn't it?

Original poster

babybellsmum · 14/09/2015 15:52

I probably agree with most of you who say I am being unreasonable. I would never ask him not to take it but I couldn't hide my upset. Maybe I can blame the hormones?! It's a really hard time for this because my parents are moving away in November and we always have gone to theirs for a big family xmas, if that wasn't the case I'd probably be more ok with it.

OP posts:

Original poster

babybellsmum · 14/09/2015 15:54

Hours would be much better. He was adamant on that when he went for interview. But they said the obvious exception is December. I expected that but his previous place closed xmas day.

OP posts:

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