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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if the sex of a child is not determinable you don't just guess?

80 replies

MummaV · 14/09/2015 10:20

At a wedding on Saturday with DD (in a pink dress in her purple pram) and 3 separate people referred to her as "little man" or "cute little fella" despite being told her evidently feminine name and seeing her dress. Granted the first person didn't see her dress as she was asleep under a blanket but he is a friend who sees pictures of her and comments on Facebook frequently.

I understand some babies wearing unisex clothes without any obvious markers it can sometimes be difficult to tell, at which point you just don't mention he/she etc surely? You dont just assume all babies are male/female?

I don't think DD looks particularly male but as a baby with little hair she doesn't look overly feminine either.

This has happened quite a few times, with usually men, assuming DD is a boy.

AIBU to think that if you aren't sure you dont comment? And to be a little paranoid that DD evidently looks like a boy even in a pink dress??

OP posts:
Original poster
MummaV · 14/09/2015 13:08

Yes it really did happen. I'm starting to think I need to hint for him to go to specsavers as he is evidently blind if a pink dress doesn't indicate she's a girl.

Anyway, I agree, the more I think about it I am being precious and a little silly. However, its still bloody annoying!

OP posts:
ConfusedInBath · 14/09/2015 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

psychicscam · 14/09/2015 13:14

When DS was under about 2/3, he had long, curly hair. The man in Tesco used to announce 'SHIRLEY TEMPLE!' every time we were at the counter. I thought it was quite funny, and DS is 13 now and doesn't seem emotionally scarred :)

Purplefrogshoes · 14/09/2015 13:19

My 4month ds is always being mistaken for a girl, he is always dressed in multicoloured tie dyed onesies so that's probably why

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 14/09/2015 13:52

DD gets complimented on being a lovely little boy etc all the time, including when in pink/a dress etc. I've even person ask me if I was sure when I said she's a girl Confused Grin

I usually just say thank you :)

MirandaGoshawk · 14/09/2015 14:05

Recently I was with some people, one of whom was carrying a baby dressed in indeterminate-gender clothing but was talking about the baby and saying Daisy this and Daisy that, so I was very surprised when my super-intelligent friend asked the mother about 'him'. I think it's to do with, as has been noted
. not concentrating/noticing/caring
. being used to saying 'him' because you have boys, or
. some people just not being very observant

TheDowagerCuntess · 14/09/2015 14:47

I sympathise - we used to get it with DD, too.

However, the fact of the matter is that a lot of babies do just look like babies, and their gender/sex is not obvious at all.

When most people make this mistake (obviously not people you know, who know she's a girl) are just making small talk to pass the time. It's really not getting het up over. They're not, effectively, saying that your DD looks butch; she just looks like a baby, and most young babies are androgynous.

Also, the pram we bought for DC1, who turned out to be a boy, was predominantly purple. We thought it was unisex as it was dark purple and had other strong colours too, but of course colours are so segregated thee days, that who knows what people are thinking. Even so, pram colour isn't necessarily an indicator for anything.

CityDweller · 14/09/2015 14:54

I think you should probably reserve your emotional energy to worry about things that actually matter Wink

DD used to get called 'little soldier' by a guy who worked in the supermarket. Admittedly, I dressed her in mostly gender-neutral or (hand-me-down) boys clothes until she could express an opinion about such things and started insisting on wearing dresses and only dresses. It used to make us laugh.

OnGoldenPond · 14/09/2015 15:25

Am I the only one who thought this thread was about indeterminate genitals at birth and doctors guessing at gender? Blush

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/09/2015 15:43

OnGolden me too. Which is actually important. Someone thinking DD was a boy didn't matter at all. But then I think gender segregation is bollocks and it isn't an insult to be called s/he. DD got 'he' all the time because I dressed her in practical clothes, that she could roll around/crawl in, so she almost never wore dresses.

thecatsarecrazy · 14/09/2015 17:01

My son used to get called a girl. Took him out once and a woman said oh isn't she sweet or words to that effect. I smiled and said oh its a boy and she gave me filthy look and walked off. He was in white at the time so she wasn't to know.

Witchend · 14/09/2015 17:05

I had from a friend of fil "Isn't he lovely, looks just like his grandad".

I enjoyed asking fil how often she'd seen him wearing a pink dress. Grin

Floisme · 14/09/2015 17:11

I don't know anyone with babies at the moment so I'm a bit Shock that gender specific clothing is still around.

NullaBore · 14/09/2015 17:34

Yes Flo because all baby's should look gender neutral. As decided by mn Hmm

Floisme · 14/09/2015 17:38

Hmm face back at you NullaBore I'm just expressing my own opinion which I thought was the whole point of aibu, no?

Floisme · 14/09/2015 17:39

In any case, babies do look gender neutral (genitals aside).

NullaBore · 14/09/2015 17:50

Oh right so you're allowed to express your opinion and i shouldn't?

They look gender neutral if you dress them that way. If you have a dd and would like people to know this, then you'd dress them in pink and boys in blue.

I hate this mn bullshit of dressing girls in blue boys in pink.

And yes l did think it was an utterly stupid comments to be surprised that gender specific clothes 'would still be around'.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 14/09/2015 17:51

People just say any old thing when making small talk ime.

People often thought DD was a boy but she had no hair (it always happens with the bald ones) and she didn't wear massively girly stuff.

My DS has a face that screams "boy" and a build to match (not fat but a solid square shape). No one has ever mistaken him for a girl even in fairly pinky clothes.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 14/09/2015 17:55

If I can't tell I'll ask one of the parents "what is it?"

Seems to do the trick, but often causes catsbum face too... Grin

Floisme · 14/09/2015 17:56

Oh right so you're allowed to express your opinion and i shouldn't?

I'm getting more and more confused here. Where exactly did I say you couldn't express your own opinion? I'm just sugesting that havng a different opinion from your own does not make someone part of some secret mumsnet fraternity.

NullaBore · 14/09/2015 17:58

I'm not suggesting you're part of a mn fraternity ffs.

Floisme · 14/09/2015 18:00

No? You said As decided by mn Hmm

Thank you and goodnight.

RolyPolierThanThou · 14/09/2015 18:05

blueberry I had the same thing. A woman was quite sure my two boys (then aged 6 months, the other was 2 years) were twins. Right.

I think a lot of people (especially if they have poor eyesight) have a bit of a brain bypass where they don't even hear the 'he' or 'she'.

I put my foot in it recently when a colleague brought her ten day old boy in. I knew she had a three year old girl as well so asked: 'so how has she taken to it?' (It being the situation of being a big sister) but I noticed her bristle a little and emphasise 'him' when she answered 'she adores him' that I then realised she thought the it referred to her baby boy. I tried to explain myself but felt I should stop digging

Narp · 14/09/2015 18:07

I don't understand why it matters so much

Do you think boys are ugly and girls are pretty?

Narp · 14/09/2015 18:09

When this is mentioned on MN, it seems to me that women get more upset about girls being mistaken for boys than about boys being mistaken for girls. And I find that quite interesting. I wonder if it's that MOG have a lot more invested in what their children look like than MOB do

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