to think if the sex of a child is not determinable you don't just guess?

[MummaV]

At a wedding on Saturday with DD (in a pink dress in her purple pram) and 3 separate people referred to her as "little man" or "cute little fella" despite being told her evidently feminine name and seeing her dress. Granted the first person didn't see her dress as she was asleep under a blanket but he is a friend who sees pictures of her and comments on Facebook frequently.

I understand some babies wearing unisex clothes without any obvious markers it can sometimes be difficult to tell, at which point you just don't mention he/she etc surely? You dont just assume all babies are male/female?

I don't think DD looks particularly male but as a baby with little hair she doesn't look overly feminine either.

This has happened quite a few times, with usually men, assuming DD is a boy.

AIBU to think that if you aren't sure you dont comment? And to be a little paranoid that DD evidently looks like a boy even in a pink dress??

Aw come in Soup be kind. New parents want everyone to think their baby is gorgeous and rightly or wrongly we translate calling a girl baby a boy to mean 'not pretty'.

It probably really means 'bald'.

The OP is also no doubt exhausted and full of hormones.

V I bet your wee girl is beautiful. People can be idiots when confronted by prams (see my previous post) it's not usually deliberate.

My DS still gets confused for a girl.

Honestly I don't care and if I made a big deal of it it will make him think its a big deal and then you start with all the issues of body worries and not feeling macho/feminine enough. He loves pink, wears pink socks etc etc which means people assume he is a she. I have been told a few times I should cut his hair and make him wear blue because he will be bullied. My standard response is 'oh, Like you are bullying him and judging him?' it usually works.

File this under 'things I wont waste time worrying over' because its not worth it. Babies are babies.

My 8 month old bald DD is often misgendered. Doesn't help that in the summer she was covered with muslins (we have a few of the a&a animal swaddles) and in colder weather I have been using DS's blankets.

When we go to events I do stick her in a dress and she does have a fair amount of pink stuff I know this is a big no no on MN but I don't care but she is almost always guessed at being a boy..... she is very petite and doesn't look at all boyish but hey ho.

Old ladies are bloody brilliant at this (not to be ageist but they are!) I once had a really funny conversation with one when my son was newborn and dressed top to toe in blue.

Every time the lady asked a question, she used she, "Is she good? Does she sleep well?" I replied "Yes he is. Yes he does sleep well."

She kept frowning whenever I said he and was quite obviously getting very irate with me. I thought it was funny and kept laughing when I replied. Then she said "What's her name?" I said "Dave*", "Well that's a funny name for a girl!"

Op, I bent right down to her level, looked her square in the eye and said "Yes. That because he's a BOY!"

It's just people. Sometimes they can't help themselves.

*son is not called Dave but has an equally boy ish name.

Aw come in Soup be kind. New parents want everyone to think their baby is gorgeous and rightly or wrongly we translate calling a girl baby a boy to mean 'not pretty'.

It probably really means 'bald'.

Yep, I had one of those, personally I though she was exceptionally cute for a baby, regardless of gender, but as she spent a lot of her first winter in grey koala hoody, and her first summer in denim, red and white I couldn't really blame people for being confused.

OP I think the guy who's friends on FB is a bit odd, but otherwise I'd just think folk were pretty daft not to notice her outfit!

Amazingly she has a ton of hair and to me and DH she is the most beautiful baby on the planet (as all babies are to their parents).

It doesn't offend me as much as its just annoying. Especially when they start with "what's he called?" "Oh SHE'S called insert girly name here" "Oh He's so cute!".

It's ignorant and often excused because most young babies tend to look quite unisex. If I called a butch looking lady "he" they'd be incredibly offended, even if their gender wasn't easily determinable however because babies don't understand it's excused.

Most people aren't actually interested. They are making small talk and feel they need to say something about the baby, or parents will feel miffed.

They probably don't look or listen properly. It's small talk.

Why it annoys people, I will never know.

Oh so your baby is offended? That's what bothers you?

Spartan that's not what she said at all!

1. it's rude not ignorant. Ignorant doesn't mean rude.

2. give over, your daughter doesn't even know that the flappy things in front of her face are her own hands never mind what sex she is..

sun yes she did. She said if she called a butch woman 'he' then that woman would be offended. And said because it's babies then its excused.

i would dispute if this woman would be offended. But it's not the same situation. The baby doesn't care. So there is no comparison.

mumma my DS is nearly 3 and is still regularly referred to as 'princess' by well meaning strangers . I think he looks nothing like a girl. He's tall and looks very boyish to me . They must all see something though.

Alis using 'ignorant' to mean 'rude' is a perfectly acceptable colloquial expression. Even the Oxford English Dictionary recognises it:

"2 informal Discourteous or rude:
"this ignorant, pin-brained receptionist"

Spartan she said it's excused when it's a baby because babies 'don't understand' (and hence can't be offended).

Quite frankly if someone accidentally called me a man I'd be pretty offended - it's hardly a compliment. If someone called my DH a woman I can assure you he'd be offended.

The baby doesn't care - but her parent does.

It is rude but it's not usually deliberate.

I imagine the OP is irritated but she's hardly frothing with rage.

Sunshine I had one man on a bus insist that my children must be twins. They are 19 months apart, fair enough if they were older but they were only 2 years / 6 months at the time! "But they look so similar, are you sure they're not twins?! They're not? Really?!" Ummm...

Also my boy is always referred to as a girl, and my girl as a boy. I couldn't care less really, some people don't like to refer to babies as "it" or "they".

Sunshineandsilverbirch exactly. I'm mildly irritated. More so because it's friends who are doing this, who know she is a girl and still insist on referring to her as he, as I said in my original post.

I get that for some it wouldn't ever cross their minds to be irritated by this but for some reason after random strangers making the mistake for months and never batting an eyelid, people we know doing it has irritated me.

Sunshine I very much enjoyed your example of colloquial usage after the conversation I this morning with a receptionist at my Gp Surgery!

I got this with DD1. Mostly 'what's his name?' I found it funny as people would squirm when I said her name as it is obviously a girl's name.

It does mean that I've come up with ways to avoid making the same mistake. Things like 'what a cutie' and 'what's your baby's name?' It's not rocket science.

You are being rather precious! So you want people to never speak in case you get offended? I can't really see what the big crime here is.
You know she's a girl, so all you do is correct them.

Curly Did he think you might have forgotten or not noticed?

I had the opposite, people accusing me of lying about them being twins (why would you?)

Alis can't claim the credit it was a direct copy and past from the OED.

Our GPs receptionists are all lovely. I often wonder if they missed memo somewhere or are just rebels.