To think as a teetotal I shouldn't have to constantly explain myself

[FargoFGS]

I'm a recovering alcoholic and I haven't drank for ages but I work in an environment that endorses 'Friday drinks' and my family are partial to the odd drink.

I always have a soft drink which I can pass off as an alcoholic drink but if someone else is buying a round when I ask for a non-alcoholic drink I'm always interrogated as if something is wrong with me. People will ask if I'm pregnant or on medication but the simple truth is just that I don't drink anymore.

Why have I suddenly turned into the gooseberry on every occasion. AIBU to think it perfectly acceptable to just say "I don't drink" and others leave it at that?

gabs

I don't drink either. As I've got older (mid 40's) I've noticed more people are cutting down or not drinking so much. People don't tend to comment as much now. In my case its partly because I think alcohol doesn't bring out the best in me and also because I found the after effects increasingly difficult to manage. I just tell people it gives me stomach problems, which is true as I suffer from chronic heartburn which I can usually manage through diet provided I avoid triggers like alcohol.

IMO it's that people feel not only pressured to drink but to explain why they don't want to.

I don't drink. In fact I was completely teetotal until I was about 27, after that I think I had the very occasional glass of wine/lemonade/archers. But in truth I just don't like the taste and I have no alcohol tolerance and hate feeling out of control so really what is the point.

But tbh I found that it was more of an issue for people when I was younger, and people used to say things like "oh but you can't just drink coke, you have to have something, I'd love to spike your drink to see what you're like when you're drunk." now that I'm older people don't seem to care, or maybe I just have friends who don't give it much thought.

DP will drink the occasional beer when we're out, and me/dp and a friend actually made our own home brew earlier this year. But my friends all know that I don't drink and it's never come up as any more than the question of "do you not drink at all?" when I decline wine at a meal or similar, and is then just accepted as who I am. I wouldn't have time for anyone with the need to question my motives for not wanting to drink.

There is actually a thread in relationships where people have said that they wouldn't date a teetotaller, because not being able to share a bottle of wine/go out drinking would make them incompatible.

I was a typical student when I was 18, out partying etc. but then I met my ex. He was a drinker and I ended up in an abusive relationship. I now have zero tolerance of drink and drinkers. The smell of drunks makes me feel anxious even now, 15 years into my freedom. I don't have a moral problem with alcohol if it's used sensibly - I will have a small amount if I feel like it but no one has the right to push me or anyone else into consuming unwanted alcohol. I have seen the hell that inappropriate and excessive use causes and it has affected me deeply. I really don't care what people think of me for my stance on it either.

Just say you're allergic to alcohol. Brings you out in hives or condemns you to an afternoon on the toilet - say anything like that and they'll STFU.

Disagree with this. You shouldn't have to hide your reasons for not drinking, what you're doing is something to be proud, not ashamed, of.

Go with either the stuck record or straightforward approach depending on how confident you feel.

"I don't drink alcohol."
"Why?"
"I just don't drink it."
"But why?"
"Because I choose not to."
"Yes, but why?"
"Because I don't want to. "
etc.

Or throw in the "I'm a recovering alcoholic" whenever you feel the need.

But don't lie about it. That's like the people who make-up excuses for avoiding lunch with someone they don't like rather than be honest. You're just saving problems for later.

YANBU. Alcoholic drinks taste revolting and I get really anxious and feel weepy after a small amount of alcohol. I'd much rather drink something that tastes nice and won't make me feel shit.
I have never ever got drunk, I don't really understand how people do! I can't drink that much in a short space of time especially when most alcoholic drinks taste revolting or are full of sugar

Thank you all for the support. If only RL was just the same.

It's taken me many many years to accept this condition and as small as it sounds, not drinking is something I regard as one of my greatest achievements in life.

I don't begrudge others that can drink normally, in fact I'd like to be like them but the feeling that I'm always on trial when I say I don't drink is astonishing. You'd think that I'd said that I often round up kittens in order to shoot them in my back garden or something.

I've only ever used the 'I'm a recovering alcoholic' line once and it ended up with pitying looks around the dinner table which made me feel worse tbh so now I 'disguise' drinks which I really shouldn't have to.

Good on you Fargo. I am also a problem drinker who is working on it, and I tend to hide it by being the designated driver. Some of the suggestions on this thread have been helpful for me as I am not ready to discuss my personal reasons that often with others.

No you certainly shouldn't have to explain yourself.

I get cross examined about the fact that I don't drink tea or coffee. Some people are just nosy and other people are amazed that not everyone else has the same tastes and habits that they do.

I think people see drinking as a social thing and feel there is a stigma to drinking alone in case people think you "have a problem", so they like to justify their own drinking by have others joining in.

I can't drink because it gives me guaranteed seizures the next day. All my friends know but work people seem to completely forget every single fucking time and interrogate me about why I'm not drinking at the leaving do / Christmas party etc. It's because they want to get pissed and they feel awkward if they are the only ones making a tit out of themselves in front of work colleagues.

DH has to always be the driver because of my epilepsy and so often can't drink either so together we're a right pain because people feel uncomfortable to drink when we're on the soft drinks. I really don't mind people drinking near me though, I still enjoy myself. Some people might feel they are being insensitive, worried that I might be uncomfortable around drink but most of the time they are just being nosey! I think if I was uncomfortable around drink, I wouldn't be in a bar/pub.

Real respect to Op for your achievement. YANBU.

YABU. You should expect to be quizzed on why you aren't drinking, and offer decent explanations so that you don't offend or puzzle those around you. In fact I think you should just have the odd drink or two and not be so antisocial.

Not really This is such a unanimous AIBU that I couldn't help offering another perspective.. but of course YANBU Op, you shouldn't have to justify not drinking at all. If people can't accept it. It says far more about them than you

Alternative answer:

"I found that drinking alcohol made me completely insensitve to other people's feelings and caused me to ask insensitive questions and act in a way that put my own insecurities ahead of others' personal situations."

Then raise an eyebrow and tilt your head to the side.

Yanbu I don't drink but people seem to find this so strange, and really quiz or push you into drinking.
I have no problem with others drinking, I just like to wake up feeling fine, I also stress over what I've done or said!!!

It's a huge part of work things. I don't drink and ar my age I have no problems in saying it does not make me feel good. If people don't like that they can lump it as I work for myself and keep all the money so don't need to drink to get on at work. I just don't like the taste and never have much. I used occasionally to drink when out but not now. In areas where I live with where huge numbers are Muslim and plenty of women are off the drink for health and weight reasons it's not that hard these days to avoid it.

YANBU. My BF is teetotal. I drink, but less so when he's around because I don't want to look a fool in front of him. I have often had to step in between him and someone leaning on him to drink and it really annoys me. Sometimes I use humour - "he's got to get me home" or "no, I'm having his." Sometimes in a "I am slightly piscilated, do you really want to argue with me?" kind of way.

YANBU. I solve the problem by only going out once or twice a month, apart from that I have my 1 small bottle of cider a week at home.

YANBU at all!

I don't drink either. I'm not a recovering alcoholic or ill (I am pregnant but that's irrelevant, I haven't drunk for years). I just don't see the appeal and don't really enjoy it enough to justify the massive hangovers it always caused me. Perhaps I don't process the stuff like other people do, I don't know. But really, not drinking has not been a chore for me or affected me negatively.

I imagine it must be a lot harder for a recovering alcoholic to get all the usual questions when alcohol might actually be a very serious temptation for you.

People find not drinking really hard to accept. I think they worry I'm judging them. I'm not, I really don't care! Either that or they are just nosy gossips.

There's always someone who feels you're being perverse not to behave exactly as they do. It's very boring to be subjected to that kind of inquisition.
This much pressure?

Gabs - I don't drink for religious reasons, either. It's true that telling people so makes them slide away quicker than anything :)

Well done Fargo for beating alcoholism..... I too dont drink.... Mixture of things really, cut down once had kids as didnt like being drunk with them upstairs, hated hangovers with kids, acknowledgement that I have a difficult relationship with alcohol and now finally am ill so on medication that means I cant drink very much at all..... I too have been really shocked at how excluded I am now from casual mums meeting for drinks at Xmas, office Friday drinks etc. Just because I dont drink doesnt mean I dont have a personality. In fact I have a far nicer personality now I dont drink. Might have the occassional small beer at home, but as it can interact with my tablets, I wont drink when out as I am paranoid about feeling ill becuase of it when in public.....

Its been 2 years now and it took me a long time to accept that as a result it is harder to start new friendships, or get on the same buzz as everyone else at a party. But I wouldnt go back to the way I was for any reason.

Dont explain yourself, dont feel pressured to do so. Its no one elses business and I am also amazed at how nosey people are about someone not wanting to drink! But once I get talking to people about it, it is also amazing how many people admit they wished they didnt drink as much, or think they drink too much, or wished they didnt have to drink at every social occassion...... so I think we are far better off the way we are, than still having a disfunctional relationship with alcohol

First things first - Good for you and well done

Friday drinks - Just say no, I know, easy to say but you are in control not them

As others above have suggested - Try the shock / embarrassment bit, that usually shuts them up

I drink or I drive ( Used to do both in my callow youth though but saw the light )

If anyone insists I have a drink, I thank them for offering to be my taxi if I got banned due to drink / driving - They get the hint and get me a lemonade ( No ice :) ) - Archimedes Principle with the ice :)

Totally wrong. People have many reasons for not drinking alcohol.

I don't drink, and I don't understand why people find that hard to understand. I just don't like it, but people always think there must be another reason behind it and want to know what it is, it's really annoying. I don't judge anyone else on what they're drinking, so I don't see the issue.

Well done on your sobriety.

I don't drink either. I was becoming a problem drinker about 15 years ago, and decided to give it up. Luckily on the odd occasion I go to the pub with colleagues, not only do they not interrogate me about it, but they also won't let me buy a round because my drink of choice is only one pound so they don't think it's fair on me!

So there are decent people out there but I think they are in a minority.

I know exactly how you feel being in the same position. I've given up telling people I'm in recovery if they push the issue I lie and say I'm a diabetic or on medication. It's not that I've got a problem discussing my alcoholism, it's just so many other people seem to. So no you are not being unreasonable.

I don't drink either. I used to - had my fair share of 'merry' nights out when younger/at uni - but I've never been a big drinker and I stopped completely for the whole of 2013. For some reason I started having the odd drink during 2014 but my last alcoholic drink was last Boxing Day, when I realised and accepted once and for all that alcohol doesn't suit me. It makes me feel stressed, anxious and generally crap, and as far as I'm concerned it has no redeeming benefits for me whatsoever. So I stopped again. No big deal to me, but I've also had the 'Why aren't you drinking?'/'Why don't you drink?' type questioning on nights out. I even had a colleague ask me outright in front of a dozen other colleagues if I had a problem . Mind you, she was drunk at the time .