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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think as a teetotal I shouldn't have to constantly explain myself

112 replies

FargoFGS · 13/09/2015 14:20

I'm a recovering alcoholic and I haven't drank for ages but I work in an environment that endorses 'Friday drinks' and my family are partial to the odd drink.

I always have a soft drink which I can pass off as an alcoholic drink but if someone else is buying a round when I ask for a non-alcoholic drink I'm always interrogated as if something is wrong with me. People will ask if I'm pregnant or on medication but the simple truth is just that I don't drink anymore.

Why have I suddenly turned into the gooseberry on every occasion. AIBU to think it perfectly acceptable to just say "I don't drink" and others leave it at that?

OP posts:
mollyonthemove · 13/09/2015 18:33

I haven't had a drink for nearly two years and it was hardat the beginning - no one seems to understand what is wrong with you if you don't drink! I was actually very open and just said look I have a problem with alcohol, I can't drink as it makes me very unpleasant and I don't want to be that personanymore. Everyone knows now and if I meet new people, I just say the same!!!

Scobberlotcher · 13/09/2015 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mermaid36 · 13/09/2015 18:40

YANBU!
I don't drink alcohol, tea, coffee or fizzy drinks....
Luckily, my family and very close friends are fine, and now I've explained to my work friends, they are totally fine with it.
I recently went to a big gig with friends from work and it was the first time that no one pestered me about drinking and I was the only sober one

triathlon · 13/09/2015 18:42

YANBU. I hate the accusatory "Why aren't you drinking?" It is code for "Unless you have a VERY good reason which I accept, you are boring, self-righteous and not joining in".

PermetsTu · 13/09/2015 18:48

Oh that air of 'how fucking dull are you?' is quite tiresome. I think it's a combination of that, being in a minority and people just being genuinely surprised (especially when my reason for not drinking is 'I don't drink' which rather begs the question), plus people wanting to validate their own behaviour, a strange assumption that it's somehow unsociable or immature not to have a glass of wine.

Most people are absolutely fine with it I find but you do often encounter that one pillock who is on Mission Convert The Teetotaller.

MamaLazarou · 13/09/2015 18:50

I get this all the time! People are always dying to know why I don't drink. It's such a personal question!

Well done, OP, for staying off it Flowers

Unacceptable · 13/09/2015 18:55

YANBU

What is wrong with people??
I don't often drink much as I have low tolerance to alcohol. Sometimes I'll drink on a night out, sometime I don't.
My DH can be a bit of an arsehole when drunk and it bothers me so when we go out together he only has one or two, or more often doesn't drink.

We both went to a social occasion and neither of us were planning to drink that night.
We were still the chatty, happy, getting up on the dancefloor pair that we always are but the other women in the group did not stop asking ALL NIGHT when we were going to have a drink.
The more drunk one friend got, the more she seemed to be outright offended that we were not drinking. At one point she refused to join in dancing until we decided which of us was driving home so the other could have a beer!! We left early, not because we were boring sober party poopers but because she was being a dick and ruining the night.
Wtf is that all about??

ArgyMargy · 13/09/2015 18:56

Is it feasible to say "I don't drink because I'm an alcoholic"? You may find that people go the opposite way i.e. shut up and make sure they never offer you a drink again.

One of my former colleagues was an alcoholic, everyone knew and no-one ever queried his non-drinking, obviously. I also have many colleagues who do not drink for religious reasons. Although we are regularly at work events where drinks are free and many people over-indulge, those who refrain aren't pressured. I think it's much more common now - or maybe just in my circles.

LaContessaDiPlump · 13/09/2015 19:02

Yanbu.

I don't drink that often because it tends to give me migraines. I tell people this, they accept it and shut up. It seems to placate people if you have a medical need to avoid booze - that way they don't have to face the fact that they are actively choosing to drink.

Apologies if that makes little sense but I've had a glass already!!

RaspberryOverload · 13/09/2015 19:19

I don't drink very often, I simply don't feel the need, although I do like the very occasional glass of wine with a meal, or a drink when I go and play darts.

I never have a drink when I know I'm driving the next morning (which is quite often).

I have also found people being a bit odd about me choosing a soft drink at times, but I make it clear I won't risk my licence.

But then, when I've been asked why I don't drink I've often replied that getting drunk is boring when you don't get a hangover the next day to be competitive about. Tends to shut people up as they start getting envious of the fact I've never had a hangover. I can confirm that in my younger days I drank enough at times that would certainly guarantee a hangover in other people Grin

Aridane · 13/09/2015 19:31

OP, YANBU!!!!!!!!

Starspread · 13/09/2015 19:32

I am horribly fascinated by why, when we are culturally quite buttoned up about a lot of things, in the UK our drinking culture is such that people think it's totally appropriate to make small talk by asking someone why they're not drinking. Many of the reasons are, most definitely, not small talk topics: 'I'm a recovering alcoholic'/'my ex/family member was an abusuve alcoholic'/'I'm pregnant and don't want to tell anyone yet'/'I follow strict religious observances'/'I have an STI and I'm on antibiotics for it'...

TravellingHopefully12 · 13/09/2015 20:16

HemanOrSheRa - Please don't go to the wedding. She says you 'have to' drink? Even if she was joking this would not be cool.

DrDreReturns · 13/09/2015 20:24

Yanbu, this really gets my goat. Some people only seem to be happy if everyone else is drinking and really take umbrage if you don't conform. When my wife was in the early stages of pregnancy she wasn't drinking but it was too early to tell anyone. One of my friends kept on asking her 'Why aren't you drinking.' It was very annoying, just mind your own business.

HemanOrSheRa · 13/09/2015 20:41

Unfortunately Travelling I have to. I'm Best Woman! Some people just do not get that I cannot just have one drink. Over the last nine months of being 'dry' I have perfected a very good 'smile and ignore' technique. If people do the old 'g'wan, g'wan, g'wan' routine I ask them straight out 'Why? What does it matter to you?' Strangely, this usually shuts them up!

Skiptonlass · 13/09/2015 21:39

longwayfromuk yes, I think there was lots of pressure to smoke. I was actually talking to my step father about this a while back - he was very unusual in not ever smoking where he grew up, said there was lots of pressure. He'd just been to visit yet another friend dying of something smoke related :(

I do drink (not right now, pregnant) but will often not bother and drive. The number of people who try to press 'just the one' (massive vat like glass of wine) onto me is disturbing. I'm a small person and alcohol affects me quickly. How can anyone think that pressing a 3-4 unit glass of wine onto someone driving is ok?? I've even had people 'just pop a double' into my tonic - when I've told them I'm driving. It makes me really angry.

Having said that, this has not happened at all since I've moved away from the UK - I honestly think we Brits have a terrible relationship with booze.

LarrytheCucumber · 13/09/2015 21:40

Strangely, I also get exactly the same response when I tell people I don't drink tea or coffee! I know several people who drink hot water as a hot beverage and people seem to feel as though it is a criticism of them for drinking tea.
I rarely drink alcohol and I do feel sometimes as though I have to justify my choice. It is as if people think you have taken the moral high ground. Actually I just don't like it very much (alcohol I mean, not the reaction).

notquitehuman · 13/09/2015 22:24

I have no idea why people get so offended when you don't drink. Maybe they feel like it's ok for them to drink to excess, as long as everyone else is. Perhaps they feel judged for their choices, even if you're not bothered by what they do.

For me, the thrill has gone out of drinking, and as I get older I can't cope with the hangovers and the shitty anxious feeling the next day. Or dealing with a three year old screaming while my head pounds.

Bogeyface · 13/09/2015 22:46

"I don't drink. Alcohol is an apolaric solvent, it blocks frontal lobe functions, essentially your personality. My life is not so bad that I'd need to suspend who I am to enjoy myself, so no, thank you."

Are you Saffy?

Drink, dont drink, I dont care and I never question anyones choices, but that is so sanctimonious its embarrassing!

Bogeyface · 13/09/2015 22:49

My sister drinks hot water and my only response is "Yuck!" as I have tried it and its horrible, I dont drink caffeine though and that does seem to illicit a response that suggests I am criticising others for drinking it.

I do drink but I dont drink much as I simply cant function the next day if I have, and that seems to make people uncomfortable, that you can go to an all night party and only have 2 drinks!

LittleLionMansMummy · 13/09/2015 22:49

Another yanbu op. My dh gets this a lot too, it makes me rage.

Siriu5Black · 13/09/2015 23:29

I get this a lot, too. When i was pregnant in early stages, I went on a night out with dh and some friends we haven't seen in ages. one of the girls kept telling every body "she is deaf pregnant. look she isn't drinking. Why are you not drinking?" she was so bladdered, she couldn't let it go. Completely ruined my evening. It annoys me that the general attitude is that there is something wrong with you if you don't drink. The other day, I even got asked in work whether I missed drinking ( because Im preg) ergh, no not really, but thanks!

Louise43210 · 13/09/2015 23:43

I actually don't like alcohol anymore. Plus my weekends are so precious, I don't want to spend half of it feeling unwell.

YouWakeUpFlawless · 14/09/2015 00:02

YANBU... I haven't had a drink for 6 years... I'm 24 now
I've suffer from bad anxiety & hate feeling out of control so I stopped. It was so hard to try tell 18 year olds I didn't drink... It was the weirdest thing to them!

gabsdot45 · 14/09/2015 09:28

I don't drink for religious reasons. I'm a Mormon. Usually telling people that is enough to shut them up LOL